January 10, 2001 THE MICHIGAN REVIEW

Finally Bush Stocks Something other than his Liquor Cabinet

THE MICHIGAN REVIEWThe Campus Affairs Journal of the University of Michigan

January 10, 2001

2In This Issue:

The elections finally over,so its time for the jokes tofly! And hey, weve gotanother mass meeting!

Serpents Tooth

FromSuite One

Some more gloating fromus (hey, after 8 years ofClinton, I think we deserveit, dammit!) Plus,shouldnt constituentstime be for...umm ...con-stituents? (read, students.)And Michigan gets a con-cealed carry law that theliberals are hopping madover.

4

www.michiganreview.com First three copies free,additional copies 50 cents. Stealing is Illegal and a sin (Exodus 20:15)

Justin and Dustin are upat bat this time. Dustin talksabout the pain of sellingout to the Left for a gradeand Justin talks aboutundoing 8 years of liberalClinton crap.

MRVolume 19, Number 9

See CABINET Page 10

Filling the CabinetSee BAMN Facts Page 3

Music??Ooh, whoops, no musicthis time. Can you handleit?

Wanna join a fraternity?Or do you like getting plas-tered and not paying foryou own booze? Then ourmap to the frats shouldcome in handy.

BY MATTHEW FRANCZAK

HOLDING TRUE TOhis promises,president-elect George

W. Bush has nominated a highlyqualified and ideologicallydiverse team for his upcomingadministration. Drawing fromfellow governors, formerlegislators, prior presidentialadministrations, and Texas

officials, he has assembled acabinet with ideologicalbackgrounds ranging from a solidDemocrat to a controversialconservative. Yet, partisanshipfrom both sides threatens Bush’sefforts to construct anadministration reflective of hisplans to build a broad consensusin a nearly evenly dividedgovernment.

Bush’s appointees have a

BY BRAD SPRECHER

WITHIN THE LASTmonth on theUniversity’s Ann

Arbor campus, a new voice hasemerged in opposition to the“Mass Militant Civil RightsMovement” proposed by theleaders of BAMN, UM’s activistfront for the Detroit-basedRevolutionary Worker’s League(RWL). To the surprise of theReview staff and conservativesand liberals alike, the latestcriticism of BAMN’s violentrhetoric has come from anunnamed left-leaning campus-community group with politicalinterests. The group has recentlyengaged in a flyering campaignin the dorms and upon campuskiosks with the intent of revealing

variety of backgrounds involvingpublic service at the state andnational levels as well asexperience in the private sector.John Ashcroft, ChristineWhitman, and TommyThompson have gubernatorialexperience in Missouri, NewJersey, and Wisconsinrespectively. Ashcroft andSpence Abraham, the nomineefor the head of the Department

of Energy, also had served in theSenate but lost their reelectionbids in 2000. Norman Mineta,the choice for Secretary ofTransportation, also served as aCalifornian congressman. FromTexas, Bush brings Alberto R.Gonzales, who served as the TexasSecretary of State and as a TexasSupreme Court justice, and Rod

BUSH WINS!Gore Concedes...Finally

For the Republicans and other decent people out there, a clip-and-save so you can gloat in front of all your liberal friends still bitching about the election.

Liberal In-Fighting

It wasnt us. This is not the work of the Review, we swear. We totally agree, but this isnt us.

6-7 Features

Columns5,8

11El Señor Guípe talksabout...ah screw it. Damn,get a load of that jacket!

El SeñorGuípe

A New Liberal Voice Emerges to Challange BAMN, Exposes Communist Ties

THE MICHIGAN REVIEW January 10, 2001

THE MICHIGAN REVIEW

Page 2 SERPENTS TOOTH

Are you betteroff now thanyou were a

semester ago?

If not, come to our...

Mass MeetingSunday, January 13th @ 8:00pm

Michigan League, 3rd Floor

Refreshments Provided!

THE MICHIGAN REVIEWA campus tradition for nearly twenty years.

Thats right, were almost old enough to drink. Woo Hoo!

James Y. YehEditor-in-Chief

Matthew FranczakPublisher

James Justin WilsonAssoc. Publisher, Managing Editor

D.C. LeeManaging Editor

R. Colin PainterSenior Editor

CAMPUS AFFAIRS ED: Ruben Duran NAT’L AFFAIRS ED: Brad Sprecher ASSISTANT EDITOR: Gina Fraternali

FEATURES EDITOR: Kurt Rademacher SATIRE EDITOR: David Guipe COPY EDITOR: Michael Veeser

ONLINE EDITOR: Branden Muhl MUSIC EDITOR: John Pratt

LAYOUT: Carl Grant

STAFF WRITERS: Margaret Allen, Adam Dancy,Tyce De Boer, Ryan Serra

EDITORS EMERITI: Lee BockhornBenjamin Kepple

The Michigan Review is the independent, student-run jour-nal of conservative and libertarian opinion at the Universityof Michigan. We neither solicit nor accept monetary dona-tions from the U–M. Contributions to the Michigan Revieware tax-deductible under Section 501 (c)(3) of the InternalRevenue Code. The Review is not affiliated with any politicalparty or university political group.

Unsigned editorials represent the opinion of the editorialboard. Ergo, they are unequivocally correct and just. Signedarticles, letters, and cartoons represent the opinions of theauthor and not necessarily those of the Review. The Serpent’sTooth shall represent the opinion of individual anonymouscontributors to the Review, and should not necessarily betaken as representative of the Review’s editorial stance. Theopinions presented in this publication are not necessarilythose of the advertisers or of the University of Michigan. Wewelcome letters, articles, and comments about the journal.

How about that election? Oooh, poor Democrats, you guysaren’t pissed about the election, are you? Didn’t you guysrealize that rednecks, gun owners, Christians and otherwisedecent God-fearing people vote too? So here’s a piece ofadvice for 2004: it doesn’t really matter how many millionsof dollars you guys spend on get-out-the-vote campaigns ifthe people you urge to go out and vote DON’T KNOWHOW. So we at the Michigan Review hope you Democratsout there, especially those at the Daily, enjoy the next fouryears of loosened gun laws, tightened abortion laws, a re-spectable military and tax cuts, because we know that wewill. And when you’re crying in your pillow at night be-cause the President just put another hardened conservativeon the Supreme Court, don’t curse us for it, curse RalphNader.

Please address all advertising, subscription inquiries, anddonations to Publisher c/o the Michigan Review.

Editorial and Business Offices:The Michigan Review

911 N. University Avenue, Suite OneAnn Arbor, MI 48109-1265letters@michiganreview.com

http://www.michiganreview.comTel. (734) 647-8438 • Fax (734) 936–2505

Copyright © 2000 The Michigan Review, Inc. All rights reserved.The Michigan Review is a member of the Collegiate Network.

The Campus Affairs Journal ofthe University of Michigan

“Well yeah, but she’s not a practicing heathen!”

THE MICHIGAN REVIEW

Love us or hate us,write us.

E-mail letters@michiganreview.com with subject, “Letter to the Editor”

Or send mail to:The Michigan Review911 N. University Ave.Ann Arbor, MI 48109

SERPENTS TOOTH

George magazine announced lastweek that it will be shutting down thisMarch. To be consistent with currentmarket trends, CEO Jack Kliger alsoannounced that the magazine will bechanging its name to George.com.

In other dotcom news, it’s beenrumored that William Shatner has finallyquit as spokesman of Priceline.com. Forthose of you not keeping up with thenews, Priceline.com is where memberscan name their own price on certainproducts. Unfortunately for Priceline.comstockholders, the price of Priceline.comstock is not one of those products.

Janet Reno recently promised asmooth transition for possible successorJohn Ashcroft, replacing the previous planin which FBI agents with automaticweapons would storm his house, grab himfrom the closet, and throw him into a vanwhich would then take him to theDepartment of Justice offices.

Poor Al Gore, losing the election byjust 4 electoral votes. Boy Al, losing yourown home state REALLY hurts now,doesn’t it?

And speaking of winning your homestate, Al, even Mondale won his homestate in his 1984 trouncing by Ronald

Reagan. Just something to think about forthe next four years...

And for the Daily Editorial Board,three words: GET OVER IT! It’s over.Bush is going to be the President, Goreisn’t. Deal with it.

It’s been reported that the Iraqigovernment has bought 4,000 SonyPlaystation 2’s in the last two to threemonths. The U.S. government isinvestigating whether Iraq is trying to use

those Playstations for military purposes.Word of advice to the Iraqis: playingTekken Tag Tournament, Street FighterEX3 and Metal Gear Solid 2 all day willNOT, help you guys beat us next time.

Eh, Smart-ass College Grads...Its the beginning of the semester, which means that we must bid fairwell to somestaff members who recently graduated. Those of us at the Review congradulateand thank those that have served us well. And please remember us when youdonate to charitable organizations.

Michael D. Austin Rabeh SoofiAfter graduation, Mikewill either find a job orpursue graduate studies inmechanical engineering.If he does attendgraduate school, it mightbe in biomedical

engineering, so he will actually be helpingthe world instead of being the pollutingrich white industrialist that is usuallyrequired by his political affiliations. Ifnone of those work, he plans on being aprofessional game show contestant andusing his winnings to create his very ownKitchen Stadium in the United States

Rabeh is moving backhome to work in theChicagoland area whereshe prays for high wages tofinance her upcoming legaleducation. She plans toattend law school next fall

in pursuit of corporate intellectual propertylaw. Although Rabeh will miss the stories,the BAMN hate-mail, and the fist-fights,most of all, she will miss the friends thatshe has had the privilege of working withon the Review. She believes that she isblessed to be able to work for ideals shecares about with people she dearly loves.

January 10, 2001 THE MICHIGAN REVIEW Page 3LETTERS

LETTERS TO THE EDITOR

Heard this fellow, Jonathan Kozol, onNightline tonight, supposedly aneducational expert.

My opinion: This man is anincredible idiot, lacking common sense.Extreme adversary of private education.Critical of black people for starting theirown school, in their own communitywhich just happens to be predominantlyblack. Said that allowing / promoting thistype of school will encourage people tostart various schools that meet their variedpreferences. And that this could bedangerous to America. Excuse me? Hello?I thought this was America, Mr. Fascist,Liberal. Please!!

(He) ended (the) presentation bysaying that one of the disadvantages ofthis school was that many wealthy whiteswould be happy to see these blacks leavethe public schools. Also mentioned thatthese schools violated M. L. Kings dreamof black and white children going toschool together. Are these good reasons

Education AboveRace: Why Kozol’sWrong

BAMN’s historical relations withTrotskyite hate mongers.

Although the BAMN Files flyersexpose, entitled the “BAMN Files”,adamantly opposes the militancy andanger of UM’s notorious pro-affirmativeaction group, the groups members are,in fact, affirmative action advocates,themselves. The “BAMN Files” website,at http://www.freehost.nu/members/bamnfacts/, illuminates the many flaws inBAMN’s hate-riddled approach, notingthat the heroes of the successful civil rightsstruggles have been non-violent, non-aggressors, like Mahatma Gandhi andMartin Luther King Jr., while proponentsof brutality, such as Malcolm X (the fatherof the phrase, “by any means necessary”),although celebrated by leftist extremists,did little more than to inspire distrust anddetestable crime. As proponents ofaffirmative action policies, the membersare concerned that hate-machines likeBAMN will discredit the pro-affirmativeaction argument, and that indeed, anysupporter of race preference may appearextreme by mere association.

Initially, the Michigan Review wasaccused of creating the website andsubsequent flyers. And although much ofthe research for the website was mirroredin “The Vast Left-wing Conspiracy,” astory that detailed the communist linksto BAMN, the Review played no role inthe effort. In a subsequent email, theystated that “we are not, nor ever plan tobe, members of the Michigan Review,VOICE, or republican party, nor do wehave any connections to these groups.

Most of us support affirmative action, andall believe that there must be a studentrun group to defend affirmative actionhere at the U of M.”

The website remarks upon theapparent evasion of reason from BAMN’sarguments. Indeed, the site suggests thatBAMN-speak may not include much ofan “argument” at all, but is rather, a stockof Jesse Jacksonesque catch phrases, like“educate, don’t re-segregate”, that rhymenicely and appeal to the emotions, but donot engage the critical mind.

As a solution, the BAMN files hopethat students take a number of measuresto end the communist insergence on

campus.“1) Quit BAMN - asked to be

removed from their email lists, and donot participate in their events.

2) Form or join a student group thatactually supports affirmative action.

3) Tell your friends about the website,and forward this email to whoever youthink might be interested.

4) Ask the leaders of BAMN aboutthe allegations - if they dismiss them, citethe many resources on the website.”

The most recent example of BAMN’s

illogic is to be revealed within in thecoming week, concurrent with theUniversity’s Martin Luther King DaySymposium. From January 13th to 16th,BAMN will be sponsoring a “Summit ofthe New Civil Rights Movement toDefend Affirmative Action &Integration”. The summit will begin withan open mic poetry slam in the MichiganLeague, entitled “Whirlwinds of Revolt”.On Sunday, a day before the University’scelebration of King’s achievements inpassive resistance and endorsement ofequality by merits, BAMN will bepresenting a series of lectures entitled“Debunking the Myth of Meritocracy”.

Only the likes of BAMN could conceivea lecture series in King’s name that spitsin the face of his most preciousmeritocratic principles. It seems that byinvoking King, campus militants hope toadd some legitimacy to their hatefulmessage. As a further indication ofBAMN’s lack of foresight, even if it isconceivable that our nation will be fullyintegrated by violent means, there is noindication that BAMN’s summit willaddress whether their spiteful tactics willreinforce, or create new racial barriers

within American society.Although many students may find it

reassuring that several voices, liberal andconservative, are now speaking out againstBAMN’s misguided methods, many maywonder why affirmative actionproponents, such as the BAMN Files, havenot taken a stronger stance against BAMNin the past, and offer the campuscommunity respectful, well-reasonedarguments in support of race-basedpreferences. It seems that the liberal voicehas been somewhat paralyzed by the UMTrotskyites, and fear, as commonsupporters of affirmative action, beingmentioned in the same breath.

But perhaps common loathing forBAMN’s dark proposals will draw rationalvoices from all areas of the politicalspectrum into a real debate on the meritsof affirmative action. It is time level-headed leaders from all areas of thepolitical spectrum emerge from UM’scolleges, and prove to the people of thestate of Michigan, and to the nation, thatAnn Arbor students are not a unified blockof militants in favor of race preferences.Let the truth be known. At the University,let students speak their hearts, defendjustice, truth, the law, and deride calls forinsurgency. It is time students cast offthe image BAMN would projectconcerning student opinion in theadmissions lawsuits, and on affirmativeaction in general. The world should knowthat the student “intervenors” in theUniversity lawsuits are largely comprisedby extremists who do not share the valuesour community holds dear. Let those ofus who value true justice and integrationreturn a reputation for respect, decency,and well-reasoned thought to our yetvaunted college in Michigan. MR

BAMN FILESContinued from Page 1

Indeed, the site suggests that BAMN-speakmay not include much of an “argument” at all,

but is rather, a stock of Jesse Jacksonesquecatch phrases, like “educate, don’t re-

segregate”, that rhyme nicely and appeal to theemotions, but do not engage the critical mind.

This letter is in response to theDecember 6th article, “RU-486 MakesAbortion Easier to Swallow”. As adisclaimer, I don’t spend much timedealing with morality issues when it comesto abortion and I have not decided formyself whether I am for or againstabortion. That said, reducing theconsequences of using the RU-486 pill foran abortion to being as “mundane asswallowing a vitamin” is a blatant error. Ifound it interesting that the Daily choseto take this approach in writing theirdissent for the drug. RU-486 causes anunborn fetus to be aborted, you do nottake the pill and go about your business

as if nothing ever happened. I hardlybelieve that it is less traumatic than surgicalabortion. Anyone who is pro-abortionwould shoot through this week pro-lifedefense with ease. While the liberalviewpoint does nothing to sway metowards the left, I think the Review owesit to me and other young Republicanreaders to present a viewpoint that isconsistent with the facts.

—Eric WilfongEngineering Sophomore

Review should bemore “consistentwith the facts”

for allowing the young to beundereducated? What a moron !!Apparently, an Ivory-tower ideologue.Seemed to almost be crying on TV.Somebody needs to tells this idiot:1) Most public schools aren't educatingthe young adequately, especially minorities2) Children need pride and education ...more than interracial socializing;3) He shouldn't put his political agendabefore the needs of children.

Patrick J O'HareSan Francisco, CA

You know the Drill:We write obnoxiouslyconservative “tripe.”

Then you send us hate mail.There you go.

THE MICHIGAN REVIEW January 10, 2001 Page 4 EDITORIALS

FROM SUITE ONE

EVERY TUESDAY EVENING, in the chambers of the Michigan Student Assembly(MSA), student body representatives convene with the purpose of representingtheir constituency, the students of this university. Each school is allotted a given

number of seats on the assembly in proportion to the number of students in thatschool, and within the chambers these representatives discuss and vote on policy thatwill influence both the state of the university and the state of its students. Therefore, itis imperative that students be granted not only the right to decide who theirrepresentatives are, but also the right to voice their opinions to to these representativesonce in office.

Before each MSA meeting begins with official business an opportunity is given tothe student body to voice the very opinions they deem important; for example, if theassembly is going to vote on a motion on whether to support a mass, militant march onMartin Luther King Day, students of this university are given the opportunity to speakwhat is called “constituent’s time” before the meeting. Here, each student who signs upto speak during constiuent’s time is given five minutes to speak his mind and thenanswer questions. Regardless of that student’s stance on the issue he is given time tospeak during constituent’s time.

However, what has been taken for granted up until this point, is that the “students”of this university will be speaking during “constituent’s time.” After all, the “students”of this university are the “constituents” of the assembly members. When non-studentsspeak during “constituent’s time,” it perverts the intended purpose of the time. Whywould anyone want non-students influencing the programs implemented at ouruniversity? For example, on a larger scale, would you want communist Chinese politcal-heads influencing domestic US policy? No. And similarly, we should not tolerate thesame at the university level.

The members of the MSA should, therefore, take the bull by the horns and pass aresolution that would benefit everyone at the university. By allowing only students tospeak during constituent’s time, the assembly would effectively increase time that couldand should be used for the students of this university to voice their opinions anddecrease the influence of non-students, whose ideas and opinions ought to have nobearing on internal university policy and programs. From Suite One to the MSA: dosomething right for a change. MR

Concealed Carry:

Good For Michigan

FOR TOO LONG, anti-freedom forces have demonized legal gun ownersand pro-gun forces with their lies and half truths. Accordingly, those same nefariousforces have sworn to do away with Michigan’s recently passed concealed-weapons

law, which for makes them think for some reason that the streets of Michigan willdescend into anarchy, a land where the people live and die by the way of the gun. Thishorrible fictitious future is untrue, of course, for history has shown that those statesthat have enacted concealed weapons laws have had crime reduced.

Anti-freedom foes would have the public think that the new law would allow thecommon Joe-Schmo to walk into any gun shop and buy a gun and legally carry it.Unfortunately, the public fails to realize the laws numerous restrictions placed on thosewith a concealed carry permit. While it does do away with the requirement that theapplicant specify a good reason for having a concealed carry permit, it, like moststates, does not allow those that are mentally unfit and those convicted of felons and along list of misdemeanors to get a permit, and all applicants have to be at least 21. Thelaw also prohibits permit holders from bringing their weapons to such places as schools,bars, sports arenas, hospitals, casinos, day care centers and churches. So it’s not likethis new laws would allow kids to go to class packing heat or allow drunken bar argumentsturn into drunken firefights.

The opponents of the new concealed carry laws also neglect the crime statisticsregarding concealed carry laws. According to a study by Dr. John R. Lott of the Universityof Chicago Law School, between 1977 and 1992, in the ten states that allowed concealedcarry, there was a 5% decline in rapes, a 7% decline in aggravated assaults, an 8%decline in murders, and only a .5% increase in accidental firearm deaths. Since Floridaenacted it’s right to carry law in 1987, the handgun homicide rate has gone down 41%while the nation’s handgun homicide rate had gone UP 24%. Although Florida issued221,443 concealed carry permits between 1987 and 1994, only 18 crimes werecommitted by those with a permit. Lott’s study also found that due to concealed carrylaws, there was an 84% decrease in the number of deaths due to “shooting sprees.”

The argument for concealed carry is an old one: criminals are going to get firearmsregardless of any law, and it’s only fair that law-abiding citizens be allowed to defendthemselves from such criminal elements in society. No gun control law will keep gunsout of the hands of criminals because criminals don’t obey the law. The new concealedcarry law will not force the state of Michigan to descend into lawlessness as some havepredicted, but, as history has proven, it shall emerge as a more peaceful, and probablymore polite society than before. MR

MSAConstituents TimeFor ...Constituents?

January 10, 2001 THE MICHIGAN REVIEW Page 5COLUMNS

FROM THE DEEP WOODS TO CIVILIZATION

D. C.Lee

AT THE DAWN of each newsemester, students typically aregreeted with a host of familiar

sights, sounds and people. From the hustleand bustle in theback of Ulrich’s tothe chatter offellow students onthe Diag, each newsemester bringswith it certainc u s t o m a r yroutines. Wakeup, January 4th, getdressed, go toclass, sit down inclass next to anattractive co-ed,get out notebook,receive course syllabus, smile at attractiveco-ed and remark on the book list, listento brief introduction from professor, andfigure out what the professor’s politicalinclination is.

What? That’s not what you’re doing?Oh, I see. You already have a good ideaof what the professor’s political slant is.That’s understandable. It’s probably safeto say that at least 9 out every 10professors place the lectern on the left sideof the classroom. Heck, at the Universityof Colorado at Boulder, liberal professorsoutnumber conservative professors by anastounding 31:1. The numbers probablyaren’t that skewed here at the Universityof Michigan, but that’s only because wehave large and well-reputed business andengineering schools. Take these two outof the equation and you probably havenumbers very similar to those seen inColorado.

In fact, a lot of this doesn’t applyto most positive-based majors; that is,majors geared toward math related analysissuch as accounting, physics and EECS.However, this is very applicable to mostnormative-based majors such as english,political science and the numerous ethnicstudies majors. The latter set is moreconcerned with what “ought to be” asopposed to what “is.” After all, when thelast time the social constructions of “race,class and gender” popped up on yourEECS final? Probably never. But don’t putit past the administration to try to pull astunt like that.

Just open the pages of the mostrecent course guide and you will beinundated in classes that are being fundedto promote left-wing causes: how to begay and how to view affirmative action as

Dirty Politics in the University Classroom:Dealing with the Academic Left

a right and not a benefit come to mindimmediately. Other classes are subtler, butthe point remains the same. At this school,professors are being paid, many with six-figures, to teach us, the student body, thepolitics of race, class and gender. And we,the student body, must acquiesce.

Consider the result if we don’t.Either we write a paper about Christianhypocrisy in The Merchant of Venice andreceive an “A,” or we write a paperdemonizing the Jewish character Shylockand get a “B-.” And no, that’s not afabricated possibility. I was faced with thatvery decision this past semester in myEnglish 367 class. Naturally, I chose theformer; I sacrificed what I believed Ishould write about in favor of a grade.And I know I’m not the only one out theredoing it.

My roommate wrote an economicspaper (yes, economics, which should beone of the most conservative departmentsin the school) for his Gender Economicsclass (yes, Gender Economics is really aclass) in which he argued that there isessentially no evidence that women makeas much as men in the work force. Inshort, he argued in favor of what hascommonly been referred to as the “wagegap,” although he believes, correctly, thatno such “wage gap” exists. He did not oncecite books such as Christina HoffSommer’s The War Against Boys, and hedid not once mention that most of theevidence in support of the so-called “wagegap” does not factor into its estimatesvariables such as education level, age andmarital status.

Last year I took English 325 andwas given the option of choosing a bookon my own volition and subsequentlygiving a brief overview of the book to theclass. The professor, who I love dearly andwho is, without a doubt, the best englishprofessor I have in my two plus years here,then went around the small classroom andasked each student what book he or shewas going to choose. The only stipulation,or so I thought, was that the book had tobe non-fiction. However, I soondiscovered a special, secret stipulation thatthe author cannot be overly conservative.When the professor came to me, I statedproudly that I was choosing DineshD’Souza’s Illiberal Education. She thenmotioned that she would like to move on,but gave me a look that said “see me afterclass.” “I don’t think he uses evidencewell,” she told me. That was herexplanation. Forget that somebody else in

the class chose Rigoberta Menchu, whosemuch-maligned book I, Rigoberta Menchuhas proven to be a crock-pot of lies andfabrications. Sadly, I acquiesced.

But what’s even sadder is that thisexample does not even compare to thepolitically correct English 382 class I tooklast semester. You know how everyone inthe school of Literature Science and Artsis forced to take a class that fulfills a “Raceand Ethnicity” requirement; well, on topof that, english majors must also take acourse with the moniker “New Traditions”attached to it. These “New Traditions”classes are essentially the same as the“Race and Ethnicity” classes. I settled forEnglish 382: Native American Literature.

You should have heard the crapI spouted off every lecture, the questionsI asked, the provocative racial distinctionsI drew. The professor loved it. As long asI used the words “white” and “oppression”in the same breath, I was certain to get areaffirming nod and perhaps acompliment. In fact, it was too easy; Iknew how to play the game; how to beatthe system. For example, here is an excerptfrom my final exam (take home essay):“One of the most interesting aspects ofCeremony is the relationship between Tayoand his cousin, Rocky. Although Rockyis a full-blooded Native, he desires tobecome more white; Tayo, however, amixedblood, desires to become moreIndian. This paradox exists, moreover,after the death of Rocky at war. ‘It washim, Tayo, who had died, but somehowthere had been a mistake with the corpses,and somehow his was still unburied’ (28).Here, Tayo’s struggle becomes more

evident in that he feels as if he is dead—no longer a part of white society, and moresignificantly, no longer a part of Nativesociety. The inability of Tayo return to his‘home’ is thus exacerbated by his feelingsas an ‘outsider.’ ” As you might imagine,the rest of the essay follows accordingly,and I filled weekly my journals withsimilar tripe.

As I stated earlier, I figured outhow to “beat the system.” But was I reallybeating the system, or was the systembeating me? The latter seems more likely.Am I ok with that? No. Will I tolerate itfor a year a half more? Yes. Luckily, thissemester, I don’t have any classes in whichI will have to succumb to the left leaningpolitics of my professors. However, thatdoes not mean that other students, bothhere and at universities across the country,won’t have classes in which they will haveto make similar decisions.

The decisions I made, and willcontinue to make, rest in my belief that agood grade point average will help memore in good ol’ capitalist America thanexplaining to interviewers that, “Sure Ihave a 2.7, but that’s because of these‘Race and Ethnicity’ classes I had to take.. .” That might cut it for me if I weregoing to be a Republican staffer on theHill, but that’s not going to help me atGoldman Sachs. As long as I don’t saywhat I think for four years, I’m more likelyto be better served financially in the longrun. Is this the right thing to do? Perhaps.Is it fair? No. And until things change,this is the way it’s going to be. How areyou going to handle it? MR

THE MICHIGAN REVIEW January 10, 2001 Page 6 COLUMNS

Top Ten Reasons to Rush Top Ten Reasons Not to Go Greek10. It’s an opportunity to meet lot’s of sorority girls, sometimes a

new one every night!

9. You have a party every weekend, …although you also have topick up after a party every weekend!

8. “National Lampoon’s Animal House” takes on a whole newmeaning.

7. Because the ubiquitous fraternity road trip is an experience nocollege man should be deprived of.

6. Your pledge term is only a semester long, and excluding all theerrands and cleaning you’ll have to do, it is a lot of fun.

5. You’ll make 50+ good friends who like all the same things you do;sports, girls, and sleeping in every day (what are classes?).

4. Fraternity houses don’t have “quiet hours,” RA’s, or “substancefree” halls.

3. The food is better and the rent cheaper than the dorms, and thereare pledges to do all the cleaning (although at first, that’s YOU!)

2. Many U.S. Presidents have been in fraternities, as well as famousactors, wealthy businessmen, labor leaders, …why not make the “goodol’ boy network” work for you?

1. Because it’ll be the best time of your life.

10. Guys who say, “It’s called a fraternity, not a frat ... do you call your country acunt?”

9. Get shot in the nuts with a BB gun ... ouch.

8. You pay for other people to drink beers.

7. “The average frat GPA is higher than the rest of campus.” ... hey dumbass,jocks don’t have time to rush.

6. Tappa Kegga Day and Hairy Cherry Pi don’t really exist.

5. Football Saturday: Sit on house porch, grill burgers, try to not look gay playingvolleyball in front lawn.

4. Must change wardrobe entirely to DKNY and Abercrombie & Bitch.

3. Hell Week: 20 shots of 5 O’Clock, make “GHB run” for party Friday night,come back and get ass beat for effort.

2. Did not realize secret “handshake” involved taking pants off.

1. Hear drunken frat guys say, “Can’t get laid? ... Tri-Sigs!”

BY R. COLIN PAINTER

I REMEMBER WHEN I rushed myfraternity, I was nervous yet excited. I metmany of the brothers in the house, got a

week of free meals, and heard stories thatwould make Madonna blush. But I still wasn’tsure if fraternity life was for me. I heard rumorsabout hazing, ritualistic beatings, etc. But atthe same time, I met a lot of cool guys at rush,so I bucked up, and when I was given a “bid,”I accepted.

I found out all the nonsense about hazingwas just that, nonsense. Actually, fraternitybrothers spend more time organizing activitiesthat help pledges get to know one another, thebrothers in the house, and the secret ritual ofthe fraternity. You also can come to all theparties, which can be a great way to meet otherpeople, including girls.

In the long run, I really do feel the otherbrothers in my house are my family. Rushingwas the best thing I ever did—it gave me“roots” in college, someplace I can come backand visit in thirty years and see my picture onthe wall and feel welcome. Can you say thesame for a dorm? Fraternity life isn’t foreveryone, but you’ll never know until you try.

ΝΝΝΝΝΞΞΞΞΞΟΟΟΟΟΠΠΠΠΠΡΡΡΡΡΣΣΣΣΣΤΤΤΤΤΥΥΥΥΥΦΦΦΦΦΧΧΧΧΧΨΨΨΨΨΩΩΩΩΩ

NuXi

OmicronPi

RhoSigma

TauUpsilon

PhiChiPsi

Omega

ΑΑΑΑΑΒΒΒΒΒΓΓΓΓΓ∆∆∆∆∆ΕΕΕΕΕΖΖΖΖΖΗΗΗΗΗΘΘΘΘΘΙΙΙΙΙΚΚΚΚΚΛΛΛΛΛΜΜΜΜΜ

AlphaBeta

GammaDelta

EpsilonZetaEta

ThetaIota

KappaLambda

Mu

Secret GreekDecoder Ring

“To rush, or not to rush...”

January 10, 2001 THE MICHIGAN REVIEW

1. Alpha Delta Phi 556 S. State St2. Alpha Sigma Phi 920 Baldwin Ave.3. Alpha Tau Omega 1415 Cambridge Rd.4. Beta Theta Pi 604 S. State St.5. Chi Phi 1530 Washtenaw Ave.6. Chi Psi 620 S. State St.7. Delta Chi 1705 Hill St.8. Delta Kappa Epsilon 1004 Olivia Ave.9. Delta Sigma Phi . 1437 Washtenaw Ave.10. Delta Tau Delta 1928 Geddes Ave.11. Kappa Sigma 806 Hill St.12. Lambda Chi Alpha 707 Oxford Rd.13. Lambda Theta Phi14. Phi Kappa Psi 700 S. State St.15. Pi Kappa Alpha 1501 Washtenaw Ave.

16. Pi Kappa Phi 903 Lincoln Ave.17. Psi Upsilon 1000 Hill St.18. Sigma Alpha Epsilon 1408 Washtenaw Ave.19. Sigma Alpha Mu20. Sigma Chi 548 S. State St.21. Sigma Lambda Beta22. Sigma Nu 700 Oxford Rd.23. Sigma Phi 907 Lincoln Ave.24. Sigma Phi Epsilon 1601 Washtenaw Ave.25. Tau Epsilon Phi 1331 Hill St.26. Tau Kappa Epsilon 800 Oxford Rd.27. Theta Chi 1351 Washtenaw Ave.28. Theta Delta Chi29. Theta Xi 1345 Washtenaw Ave.NOTE: Map only includes IFC Fraternities listed with addresses on U of M website.

The Review’s Frat MapSick of wandering around on Hill Street on Saturday night? Here’s a handy

map weknow you’ll keep. We suggest you memorize theselocations rather than walking around like a tourist.

Go Greek

THE MICHIGAN REVIEW January 10, 2001

DONT DO ANYTHING I WOULDNT DO

Liberating American Policy from the LeftHow the roots of policy making have been lost

IT IS FINALLY over. Just a couple ofdays ago, in perhaps the mostpainfully ironic event of this entire

mess of an election, Al Gore presided overthe counting of the electoral votes thatsealed George W. Bush’s victory. The fatlady finally hadher moment in thelimelight, and youcan stick a fork inthis election,because honey,it’s done. Therearen’t going to beany more tempertantrums orpouting fits. Thecountry hasbigger fish to fry,like the cabinetselection processand policy direction. Bush only has a fewmore weeks until he is in the driver seatof this behemoth of a big rig, andhopefully he knows how to drive a stick.The last thing we need is to stall the middleof an economic intersection. But beforehe starts trucking down the 8-lane highwayof government, he’s got a lot of work todo in reshaping contemporary Americanpolicy issues.

For that last eight years, liberals havebeen at the forefront of the popularopinion on American policy. While theRepublicans were busy hammering outbalanced budgets and running the country,liberals, both mainstream democrats andleftists, have been yammering on TV, innewspapers, and in protests about the illnature of contemporary Americandomestic policy. Despite the fact that theyhave had control of the presidency, they’dhave you believed that almost every sectorof policy is rife with problems thatoppress the oppressed and cater to richcorporate fat cats. It’s not good enoughthat the United States is ranked near thetop of most quality of life indicators andthat we’re amidst the largest period ofeconomic expansion ever. And althoughsome problems still persist, they believethey are the only ones with the answersand brand all others as wrong.

Overall, liberals have clouded theAmerican policy arena with so manyexternalities and “causes,” that Americanshave begun to lose touch with the real rootsof most policy goals.

Budget and Monetary IssuesAs an ideological foundation, the US

federal budget serves as the guiding lightfor the future fiscal year. It is the directresult of an innumerable number ofpromises, compromises, debates,

squabbles, and most importantly,decisions. At this point, the colloquialism“put your money where your mouth is”represents the role the budget plays inAmerican politics.

What liberals want you to believe isthat people should be taxed until everyone“left behind” has caught up. Behind theircloud of entitlements and programs, thereis nothing more than incomeredistribution. As much as I like Disney’s“Robinhood,” that is not the proper roleof the government. Government shouldstay limited to the founders’ originalintention, providing protection and someorganization.

The real basis the for the liberalagenda on monetary issues is the legacyof the New Deal. For the last 60 years,the US has been beleaguered with manysocialist programs that, while functional,have proven to be ineffective andinefficient. For instance, take SocialSecurity. It is dying slowly primarily dueto the fundamental flaw in its organization,yet liberals want to “sure it up” with moreof the same socialist solutions. They feelthat relying on the tax base to solveeveryone’s problems is the right thing todo, and they have been working hard toconvince everyone to agree with them.But, what this really boils down to is thatliberals don’t trust people to spend theirown money, nor do they think they aresmart enough to help themselves out ofany problems. Conservatives face an uphillbattle in combating the legacy of the NewDeal. People feel that all governmentalservices come at no cost, but they ignorethe zero-sum nature of tax and spendpolicies. Bush can turn the tide here. Hebelieves that Americans should get everydollar back that the government doesn’tneed. His tax cut would not only put moremoney in the hand of the individual, butalso restore some trust in the electorate.

Education PolicyWe all agree that a good education is

key to childhood development, and thatthe government should strive to providethe best education for the largest number.Unfortunately, that goal is not beingachieved. Across the country, in urban andrural schools alike, the system is failingstudents.

With this problem in mind, liberalskeep throwing more federal money at theschools in the hope that it will dosomething to solve their problems; yet theycontinue to see the same problems. It’snot just a money issue, but also a matterof structure. Teachers unions have workedhard to lobby against any change. Theydon’t want to be held accountable; instead,

they continue to blame the governmentand their wages. While conservatives stillwant to see public schools succeed, theyhave also supported charter schools andvouchers in an effort to try something new.Much to the dismay of the Left, these littleexperiments have succeeded enormously,and yet the Left still opposes them. Again,it boils down the issue of who do you trust,yourself or the government? Charterschools and vouchers put the control overeducation in the hands of parents; theycan hold teachers and schools accountablefor their operation, and choose exactlywhat they think is best for their child, notrely on some government entity.

Crime and Drug PolicyPeople like to do drugs, but that is

just something we don’t tolerate in oursociety. As much as the abusers would liketo say that it is a personal issue, thegovernment realizes that drug use hasmany external factors that harm everyone.Nevertheless, drug use continues topervade society from the inner cities tothe suburbs to the farms of America.There are two possible solutions: stoppingthe demand or stopping the supply.

Liberals continue to bemoan thecurrent interdiction effort saying that solittle effort is put into treatment. They alsocomplain that America’s prisons areclogged full with petty drug offenders.This is thankfully one arena where theirwhining has had little weight.Conservatives have followed twoprinciples. First, it’s easier to cut the supplybecause it’s a lot smaller and less pervasivethan the demand. Additionally, thegovernment has a larger responsibility incutting supply than making decisions forindividuals about treatment.And second,if you want to break our laws, then you’regoing to go to jail. If you get 10 years forsnorting a little white powder, then so beit. You knew the consequences, and youtook the chance, so you have to be readyto serve the time.

The same holds true for all crime. Ifyou do the crime, you’re going to have toserve the time. ‘Nuf said.

Civil RightsWe’ve come a long way since the

1960’s and even further since the 1860’s,but there is still a long way to go.Nevertheless, I think that it is safe to saythat Americans, on the whole, are notracist. There might be a few persistentanomalies, but they are given littlerecognition and generally disliked by themajority. In addition, I believe that it’ssafe to say that there are no governmentalregulations that are meant to be racist.

Yet, if you listened to the NAACPand Jessie Jackson, you’d think we werein the midst of the pre-civil war south.They continue to make wholly unfoundedallegations in order to keep their fightalive. While the majority of Americanswants to move forward in creatingharmony, some on the Left keep up thefight and prevent true progress. As longas they keep dividing people, there can’tbe peaceful co-existence. Policies likeaffirmative action only continue to divideraces, not unite them. They are the finalroadblocks to finally reaching real equality.

National DefenseOk, liberals just don’t like fighting,

so it only goes to say that they don’t likethe military. Of course, that begs thequestion: Do they remember that littleskirmish called the Revolutionary War?They’d probably all be running to Canadaand I’d all be sounding like some bloodyBrit.

That being said, the US is facing acrisis in military readiness and yet, somany liberals want to keep cutting thefunding. Defending the country is one ofthe explicit purposes of the federalgovernment. Just answer me this: Whatgood is social welfare if we’ve beeninvaded by France or maybe Guatemala.

Health CareI like my doctor, Dr. Hurt (that’s his

real name). Liberals, they don’t like mydoctor, well they don’t like that I like him.They’d rather see me in some giganticgovernment run HMO style system. Iwas in an HMO once. I had to drive 30miles away and wait for hours, just to havesome random guy stick his hands downmy pants and ask me to cough. Whycouldn’t Dr. Hurt do this? Because wewasn’t “part of my plan.” This is what theliberals want, but worse. Imagine this:You need a heart bypass, but instead ofgoing to your local hospital, you have towait in some kind of communist-stylebread line to get it. No thank you.

Instead, offering private businessincentives to expand their coverage wouldstill let me see Dr. Hurt and still help thosewithout health care.

So, I’ve run out of space here, butthat doesn’t mean I’ve run out of issues.In just about every nook and cranny ofAmerican policy lies a bunch of liberallies. The most important thing toremember is that you can’t turn your backto the truth and fall pray to their rhetoric.Now, we just have to hope that Bush hasthe guts to do the same. MR

COLUMNSPage 8

JamesJustin

Wilson

January 10, 2001 THE MICHIGAN REVIEW

BY TYCE DE BOER

THIS MONTH MARKS the 10year anniversary of the beginningof the Gulf War. Operation Desert

Storm, as it was officially called, beganthe night of January 16/17, 1991, whenUS-lead Coalition airplanes launchedstrikes against targets in Iraq. The warlasted only six weeks, and ended after a100 hour ground offensive that rolled overthe Iraqi army. Because of its spectacularnature, most of the nation tuned in ontheir television sets to watch it. This warinvaded America’s living rooms like noother war before. Updates, special reports,and video footage abounded. The entirenation saw the war, but what do weremember about it?

The answer is probably notmuch. To be fair, most of the peoplereading this were between the ages of 8and 12 at the time. They do not have a lotof memories about anything that occurredwhen they were that young, and it wasten long years ago. The most commonmemories are clips of video footage: thestart of the war, with the bombing ofBaghdad at night and the glowing greenanti-aircraft fire and missiles; a smart-bomb destroying a bridge; the U.S.S.Wisconsin launching a Tomahawk; PatriotMissiles shooting down a SCUD; the oilwells burning bright and belching thick,black smoke.

However, age does not seem to be afactor in how well people remember thiswar. Many older people remember the

Vietnam war better. For most people, theGulf War was not a war at all. Only thosewho were personally involved or knewsomeone who was involved with the warconsidered the full implications. An Ohioman who was in the Army in 1991remembers a great deal about the war. HisArmy unit was called up to fight, and onlya mechanical malfunction with histransport plane kept him at home. Hiskit, which was on a different plane, madethe trip to the Gulf. For him, the war wasnot just something on television; it mighthave been his future.

For the rest of the nation, the PersianGulf War was like a made-for-TV movie.Critic George Gerbner referred to it as“an unprecedented motion picturespectacular.” The media’s presentation ofthe war had many similarities to a majormotion picture. Saddam Hussein was thearch villain, and “Stormin’ Norman” andPresident Bush were the heroes. In theweeks leading up to the war, the networksmade references to the crisis as if it werea personal struggle between PresidentBush and Saddam Hussein.

Belligerents, however, are not enoughfor an excellent war film; impressivespecial effects are also needed. The GulfWar supplied this with many images ofthe new and futuristic B-2 stealth bombersand F-117 stealth fighters. An image oftenseen in movies and television is that of anairplane taking-off or landing. Tony Scottused these shots well in Top Gun. Duringthe Gulf War, more than a third of thefilm reports from Saudi Arabia included

the image of an airplane taking-off orlanding. The key to the Gulf War’stelevision success lies in that it presentedthe images of military might in a beautifulway.

Other movie qualities given the warreporting included the Gulf War thememusic and logo that each network had.Some news reports even commenced andconcluded with Lee Greenwood singinghis ultra-patriotic “God Bless the USA.”

While Vietnam is often called the firsttelevision war, the Gulf War has beencalled the first Video War. The networksshowed live coverage of bombings andattacks. From the comfort of their ownliving rooms, Americans could experiencemany of the same thrills that the troopsthemselves experienced. But unlike thetroops involved, the viewers at home donot need to think about the aftermath,and they forget what happened when theyfind a new source of stimulation. CriticMarcia Whicker stated that, “Videowarfare provides rapid and almost totalabsorption for a brief period, injects aquick shot of adrenaline and a collectivehigh, and this is almost as quicklyforgotten.”

The mass merchandising that resultedfrom the war only served to make the warseem more surreal to the people on thehome front. Americans could buy GulfWar T-shirts, bumper stickers, toys,crayons, and even condoms. Kids evencollected TOPPS: Desert Storm tradingcards. This was a war with massivedestruction and people dying, and we

could collect trading cards about it.For most Americans, the Gulf War

was only spectacular entertainment. Itinvolved people we did not know in faraway places. It had no effect on how welived our lives. It was only something verycaptivating to watch on television. We sawthe actors and the action and the specialeffects, and when it was over, we changedthe channel. Critic Adnan Khassoghi saidthe war was like going to a movie: “wepaid our money, we went to the theater,we laughed, we cried, the movie endedand an hour later we had forgotten aboutit.” For most Americans, the same holdstrue.

Does it matter that we do notremember the war? It was a long time ago.Yet a lot of key players are in place.Saddam Hussein is still in power in Iraq.He is still causing problems with UNinspectors, and ten years of sanctions hasnot caused him to change his ways. Westill do not know what kinds of chemical,biological or nuclear weapons he has. Hecould still threaten stability in the MiddleEast. George W. Bush has been elected tosit in the White House now, and DickCheney and Colin Powell will be in keypositions. The ’91 war made PresidentGeorge Bush very popular, and a new warmight have the same effect for the manwho wants to unify the country behindhim. Oil availability and price are still animportant issues to Americans. Theoriginal Gulf War movie was a wildsuccess. Are we on track for a sequel? MR

Tanks For the Memories: Remembering the Gulf War

BY MICHAEL VEESER

WHILE U-M STUDENTS wereaway for the Christmas break,Judge Friedman ruled that the

U-M Law School affirmative action case(Grutter v. Bollinger, et al.) will go to trial.Just before the break, Judge Duggandecided the LSA case (Gratz andHamacher v. Bollinger, et al.) by summaryjudgment, i.e., without trial. Why wasthe LSA case decided without trial, whilethe Law School case is going to trial? Andwhat, very concisely, did Judge Dugganfind in the LSA case.

A judge can decide a case withouttrial “if there is no genuine issue as toany material fact”, as Judge Duggan wrotein his opinion. In legal parlance“material” means significant. The phraseabove is taken straight from Rule 56 ofthe Federal Rules of Civil Procedure.These rules govern trial procedure in civilsuits. Rule 56 establishes the legalstandard under which Motions forSummary Judgment are considered. Whatall of this means is that because both sides

agreed on the material of the case, Dugganwas just resolving legal issues, nothingrequiring a jury.

In contrast, issues of law involve onlyinterpretation of law. This can happen inone of two ways. First, both sides mayagree about the facts in question, leavingonly legal issues. Or second, the sidesmay disagree about the facts, but one sidemay fail to present enough evidence toallow a reasonable jury to find for them.

In the LSA case, both the Plaintiffsand the Defendants “stipulated” (agreed)to the facts-i.e., there was no controversyconcerning the two methods the LSAadmissions office used to boost minorityenrollment. The two sides agreed bothabout the factual particulars of themethods and when they were in use(method one from 1995-98 and methodtwo from 1999-2000). There being onlyissues of fact, Judge Duggan decided theLSA case as I will describe below.

In the Law School case, lawyers forboth the Plaintiff and the U-M also agreedabout the underlining facts. However, thestudent-interveners, who had successfully

petitioned the court to be added asDefendants, were unwilling to agree to allthe facts. Since Judge Friedman-presidingover the Law School case-agreed that therewere contestable factual issues, the LawSchool case will go to trial.

Judge Duggan’s decision held that onemethod, in use in the LSA from 1995-1998, unconstitutional, since it set asidea specific number of seats for certainminority groups. This, the judge said,was the sort of quota ruledunconstitutional in the famous Bakkedecision of 1978.

However, Judge Duggan ruled that asecond method, in use from 1999-2000,was constitutional. This method awardsa very substantial number of admissionpoints to students from underrepresentedminorities. Judge Duggan rejected thePlaintiff ’s argument that this was adisguised quota, and agreed with the U-M when it argued that the second methodis constitutionally permissible becauserace is merely one among many factorsused in individual admission decisions.Judge Duggan further ruled that an

admissions decision that considers raceis permissible because of the educationalvalue of racial and ethnic diversity in auniversity setting. The judge rejectedother rationales justifying affirmativeaction-including remedying pastdiscrimination.

The true significance of the decisionis that it has a very good chance of beingargued before the Supreme Court. Why?Well, if affirmed by the very liberal 6th

Court of Appeals - as in substance it likelywill be - this decision will be directlycontrary to decisions in two other cases:the Hopwood v. State of Texas case andthe Johnson v. Board of Regents ofUniversity System of Georgia case. Boththese decisions held that “diversity” and“academic freedom” were not compellinggovernment interests justifying the use ofrace in admissions decisions. Whendifferent circuits of the Federal AppealsCourts disagree fundamentally over anissue of national significance, as will likelybe the case here, then one has one of thequintessential conditions that promptsSupreme Court intervention.MR

UM Wins One Admissions Lawsuit, Appeals ExpectedCAMPUS, NATIONAL AFFAIRS Page 9

THE MICHIGAN REVIEW January 10, 2001

Paige, who vastly improved Houston’sschools as their superintendent. MitchDaniels has private sector experience asthe Vice President of Corporate Strategyand Policy at the pharmaceutical firm EliLilly as well as serving as an advisor toPresident Reagan. The rest of Bush’sappointees were generally drawn fromprevious administrations advisors. Bushdraws most heavily from his father’sadministration with appointments

including Colin Powell, Condoleezza Rice,who served both the elder George Bushand Ronald Reagan as a Soviet affairsexpert as well as advising the president-elect throughout his campaign on foreignaffairs, and Andrew Card, who served ashis father’s Transportation Secretary. Someother appointees, including Linda

CABINETContinued from Page 1

The BushAppointees at a

GlanceState – Colin Powell

White House Counsel – Alberto R.Gonzales

Chief of Staff – Andrew CardNational Security Adviser –

Condoleezza RiceEPA – Christine Whitman

Attorney General – John AshcroftRNC – Jim Gilmore

Defense – Donald RumsfeldCommerce – Don Evans

Office of Management and Budget– Mitch Daniels

HUD – Mel MartinezTreasury – Paul O’Neill

Agriculture – Ann VenemanHealth and Human Services -

Tommy ThompsonInterior – Gale NortonEducation – Rod Paige

Veterans Affairs - Anthony PrincipiEnergy – Spence Abraham

Labor – Linda ChavezTransportation – Norman Mineta

Chavez, worked with the Reaganadministration, Donald Rumsfeld, astrong proponent of the missile defensesystem, served Ford and Nixon in variouscapacities, and Norman Mineta isClinton’s Secretary of Commerce.

Ideologically, the Bush appointmentscover a wide spectrum. Many of them,such as Powell and Whitman, aremoderate Republicans that are on themore liberal side of the Republican Partyon social issues. Yet the Bushadministration also includes some moreconservative members ranging out to thestaunchly conservative Ashcroft. At the

other end of the spectrum, Mineta, aDemocrat who describes himself as proudof and committed to his party’s principles,was also given a nomination. Despite boththese attempts to reach out, Bush hasdrawn a great deal of heat from bothliberals and conservatives. Socialconservatives were agitated by the

appointment of many socially moderateRepublicans, particularly the pro-choiceGovernor Whitman and probably playeda role in assuring that Governor TomRidge, another pro-choice Republican, didnot get an appointment. The pressureexerted by social conservatives probablywas also assured by the appointment of thestrongly pro-life Ashcroft.

At the same time, Ashcroft’sappointment caused a cascade of criticismfrom liberals, who charge that Ashcroft willfail to enforce civil rights based on his rolein making sure that an African-Americanjudge’s federal appointment was denied inthe Senate, accepting an honorary degreefrom Bob Jones University, and speakingof Confederate leaders in overlycomplimentary terms. Also, Ashcroft’sstrongly pro-life stance further alienates theleft. On a smaller scale, there has beenopposition to Whitman who is viewed ashaving a spotty record by someenvironmentalists and Thompson, the pro-life appointee to Health and HumanServices (HHS).

With a closely divided Congress, theBush administration must have a bipartisanconsensus if it hopes to make any legislativeprogress. However, with the battle linesalready being drawn over cabinetappointments, the coalition Bush is tryingto establish may be torn apart by theextremes. MR

BY BRANDEN MUHL

SOMEDAY, I HOPE to become thesixth generation owner of my family’ssoft drink bottling business.

Unfortunately, we don’t know how muchlonger the business will be around.

The Clinton-Gore years did not cuttaxes, but raised them. These years alsoresulted in the IRS trying to sue ourbusiness three times (to no avail), costingus an extraordinary amount of time andmoney. Because of tougher governmentregulation my family’s small businessfound ourselves in court for minorinfractions that were previouslyoverlooked.

My father and I didn’t think a Gore-Lieberman administration would haveanything better in store for us. We believedthat the government should not be ourenemy, but our friend and advocate.

It was in the interest of our smallbusiness, and others as well, to rally behindcertain aspects of the Bush tax plan:specifically, Bush plans to cap the top taxrate at 33%, raise the limit on charitabledeductions, and eliminate the Death(Estate) Tax.

The biggest change the Bush plan willtry to make will be changing the currentfive-rate tax structure of 15, 28, 31, 36,and 39.6 percent brackets to a four-rate

structure of 10,15, 25, and 33 percentbrackets. The change helps my family interms of our income, but moreimportantly, it also saves our company aconsiderable amount in tax dollars.

The great part about this plan is thatit provides all Americans with large tax cuts,giving people extra money to fuel theconsumer economy. It is a double win forbusiness because companies get to save

money and sell more goods.Bush also plans to raise the cap on

charitable tax deductions. I know that myfather will give the maximum that he canto charity because he does not agree withthe fact that the average American pays fourmonths worth of his income to thegovernment every year- a government thatmany economists characterize as fiscallyirresponsible and wasteful.

When companies make donations, itgoes towards addressing all kinds of socialand environmental issues in our country.It is arguable that the dollars that would

normally go to taxes are much better spentthis way in terms of improving the standardof living in America. Charitable donationsgive Americans more freedom to determineexactly how they pay their dues to society,and many people like to control where theirmoney goes, no matter how much theyhave.

Most important to my situation, Bushwill propose to eliminate the Death Tax,

which is levied against everything you ownwhen you die. If the total value of all theassets you want to pass on exceeds$625,000, it is taxed at a rate to be specifiedby the IRS between 37 and 55 percent. Ifit is less than $625,000, it is taxed at a ratebetween 15 and 36 percent.

The Death Tax embodies a violationof property rights. It took a ConstitutionalAmendment to allow the government totax income when you are alive. So whyshould the government be allowed to levymore taxes on your money when you die?Everyone knows that you can’t take it with

you, but the government should notcapitalize on the deaths of its citizens.

When my Grandfather died, thegovernment actually taxed the money onwhich he had already paid income tax (ata 50% rate, much higher than the 39.6%tax he paid initially) simply because he diedand wanted to pass it on. This tax includesassets, so the government also taxed mygrandfather on the value of his shares inthe company.

By the time the assets transferred tomy father and his brothers, they retained amere 50% of their original value. Is it fairthat you are taxed once on your net incomeand assets, and then that same money istaxed again when you die at a higher rate?

It is time to put the money in thehands of the people. Why continue to placeso much hard earned income in the handsof congressmen, who counterproductivelytie up bills in committee so that they canuse your tax dollars for the pork barrelspending that will get them re-elected?

The Bush plan will result in a morefair tax policy as well as less meddling inthe administration of businesses by thegovernment, allowing more leeway andproductivity. The result increases wealth forevery American. MR

The Policy Needs of Small Business

It is in the interests of our small business,and others as well, to rally behind certain

aspects of the Bush tax plan.

Ideologically, the Bush appointments cover awide spectrum. Many of them, such as Powelland Whitman, are moderate Republicans thatare on the more liberal side of the Republican

Party on social issues.

NATIONAL AFFAIRSPage 10

January 10, 2001 THE MICHIGAN REVIEW

BY KURT RADEMACHER

THE VAST MAJORITY ofarticles, to some degree oranother, are written in response

to the various idiosyncrasies and travestiesof society. The major problem withcolumns of course is that they must beread and if one doesn’t feel like reading acolumn, how are we supposed to knowwhat is good, bad, or idiosyncratic?

The only problem with society todayis that there are not enough walking,talking, unsolicited critics of society. Ifound, despite not looking, that there wereall kinds of things, good and bad, that Iwas completely indifferent about. Sittingalone with Catch-22 in a coffee house, Isoon found myself first joined in a chairacross from myself by a woman, somewhatolder than the usual crowd, and then bytwo women my own age who seemedquite content conversing with just eachother.

This more experienced woman,though, pointed out to all of us what gother thumbs up and what deserved thethumbs down. The employee of the coffeehouse who ventured out among us to

gather empty glasses garnered a thumbsup for his pony tail but a thumbs downfor the way he would surely report thetime if asked, although he hadn’t ever beenasked what time it was. Apparently, he’sthe kind of guy who would hesitate toreport the time - and that is bad. Thehypothetical way this young pony tailedman would report the time is correlatedwith the manner in which he wouldhesitate to the request that he look overhypothetical children - hesitation that alsogarners a thumbs down.

Four stars, though, goes to therandom guy sitting someplace behind me.I couldn’t see him, but apparently the wayin which he read his book made him theideal husband. The way in which I readmine, a manner that involved not beinginvolved with the critical conversationaround me, made me somewhat boring.

Having an ex-husband gets twothumbs down, although not being marriedto him gets two thumbs up. I predictedthat rating and I’m reasonably sure it willnever apply to me, much like what thecritics said about Save the Last Dance, butit was good to know I guess. I guess thisbecause she seemed to give her own ability

to criticize things two thumbs up.Getting dumped by one’s fiancée for

another woman, although not a review Iasked for, turns out to be a bad thing.The coffee of the day, four stars. Datinguniversity professors, two stars. Gettingdumped by those professors, no stars. Meand my refusal to join the conversation,once again, no stars.

Men from East Lansing, four stars.Good bodies, four stars. Intelligence, twostars. One more time, being boring: nostars.

Imagine how easy our life would bewith a legion of these critics everywherein our lives. How’s that toilet paper inthe public bathroom? I have no clue.

But I could know that its only twostar toilet paper or, if quilted, thumbs uptoilet paper.

I have no idea how to judge writing acolumn at the last minute, although writingit in the coffee house certainlydowngrades me as a person by makingme unwilling to join the conversationbetween people I don’t know and whodon’t know each other. I’m boring. MR

Three Thumbs Up andFour Stars to Life

AS FRIENDS, COLLEAGUES,and groupies of the good Senorwill tell you, I like to live

dangerously. I’m willing to take such risksas running withs c i s s o r s ,crossing thestreet in front ofo n c o m i n gvehicles, andeating variousarticles of food Ifind in thecrevices of mycouch. Butsometimes adaring lifestylesuch as minecan lead tou n s p e a k a b l e ,horrific, really sucky results.

Right now you’re probably thinking,“Ah ha! I see where this is going. Thatsly and subtle introduction can onlyculminate in Guipe bitching aboutsomething that happened to him overbreak.” Shut up! I have every right tobitch, considering what I’ve been throughin the past few days (read: past 22 years).And as long as the Review has this Fillersection on the back page of their issue,then bitch I shall!

Our tragic story begins on a chillySaturday evening in mid December of thispast year. I, El Senor Guipe, had justreturned home from a grueling day ofwriting email and eating bagels at my jobas a research assistant. Hey, somebodyhas to bring home the bacon in thishousehold, and we all know El Rojo Lazyhas never worked a day in his life.Anyway, after such a boring and tediousday, I turned to every man’s obviousmethod of relief: sex. Upon realizing therewas no chance of that happening in thisor any other similar universe, I decidedto give a call to everyone’s favorite one-hit wonder here at the Review, La SenoritaMargarita. After some prodding, sheagreed to join me for a night on the town.And what a night it would turn out to be!

For the next few hours, Margarita andI journeyed throughout the land of Ypsi,searching for anything that would relieveour boredom and give us the opportunityto tell all the naysayers out there (“We arethe sayers who say ‘Nay!’”) that we didsomething fun on our Saturday night.This trip consisted of such things as a stopat Déjà Vu in order to find some newsleek leather boots for my fair companion,as well as a failed attempt to grab apancake or two at the local Denny’s (motto:

Cashier has no change).Everything was going just great. The

evening was coming to a close, and weboth agreed a good time was had by all.As we headed back towards Ann Arbor,Margarita suddenly got an all too familiarlate night craving. She suggested that thetwo of us make a run for the proverbialborder in order to acquire some tasty beanburritos at a Taco Bell near us. Naturally,the suave Senor can never say no to adamsel, so we were off to Taco Bell.

I pulled up to the curb at the exit ofTaco Bell’s drive thru. The senorita wasabsolutely elated at the thought of closingher mouth around that taco supremewhich awaited her. “Do you want a taco?”she asked innocently.

“No, that would be the mostdangerous thing, eating while I’m driving.What, you want me to get killed?” Iresponded jovially while pulling out of thelot. Then I saw the headlights.

The car stopped spinning. Being the

large and in charge kinda guy that I am, Iimmediately began to assess damages,beginning with the thing I cared aboutthe most. “Save the taco bell!” I screamed,while trying to gather up all packets ofhot and mild sauce. I got out of the car,noticing that the front end had been prettymuch destroyed. “Huh,” I commented.

Within minutes, a trusty policeofficer had arrived on the scene. Heinstructed me to get in the back of his carwhile his companions pulled a dyingMargarita out of the wreck (I knew I hadforgotten something). We were rushedto the nearest hospital, where weproceeded to sit for the next seventeenhours awaiting treatment. Margaritaamused herself by rolling around the roomin a wheelchair pretending to be crippled,while I continued to stare at the cutereceptionists at the front desk. Withindays, we received medical attention andwent home.

Luckily for me, there was no serious

FEATURES

STOP ME IF YOUVE HEARD THIS ONE

Guipe Almost Gets Killed and DiesNear Tragedy At Taco Bell

El SeñorGuípe

damage. Margarita suffered a bruised rib,broken spleen, and various other injuries,while I received a really nasty bump onmy knee. The sad part was, of course,the loss of my trusted friend, my 1988Plymouth Reliant. Tens of dollars wentdown the drain that night as I totaled my“classic” automobile. And all for sometacos that I didn’t even get to eat, mindyou. In our haste, Margarita and I leftthe food in the car! That was the worstpart! Yo quiero Taco Bell!

And now for today’s lesson. Whathave we learned from all of this? Is therecomplex, philosophical lesson to be takenfrom Guipe’s misfortune? Or is itsomething short and simple, such as “Shithappens.” Whatever the case, I am nowon the market with a friend (preferablyfemale) who has a car (preferably a DodgeViper). And to all you sadistic bastardsout there who find this whole thinghumorous, well, all I have to say to you is“Nay!”MR

Page 11

Use him. Abuse him.

Click the crap out of him.

(And for a limited time, you can do it for free.)

POWERED BYAVA I LABLE AT:

ProQuest®

ReSearch EngineTMXanEdu

G E T Y O U R F R E E P I E C E T O D AY AT.W W W. X A N E D U . C O M / M I C H I G A N R E V I E W .

If you’re a college student, we’d like you to meet your new best friend. XanEdu.com. A place where you can find virtually

any article on any subject. Our XanEdu™ ReSearch Engine is a massive online collection of information compiled from

thousands of periodicals, magazines, journals, newspapers and the Web’s best sites. It’s current, accurate, and specific

to your course, plus it’s right at your fingertips. And for a limited time, you can get one of nine disciplines absolutely FREE.