Indie Spiritualist - Excerpt

7/27/2019 Indie Spiritualist - Excerpt

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ATRIA PAPERBACKNew York London Toronto Sydney New Delhi Hillsboro, Oregon

Foreword by Noah Levine, author of Dharma Punx


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A Division of Simon & Schuster, Inc. 20827 N.W. Cornell Road, Suite 500

1230 Avenue of the Americas Hillsboro, Oregon 97124-9808New York, NY 10020 503-531-8700 / 503-531-8773 fax www.beyondword.com

Copyright 2014 by Chris Grosso

All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce this book or portions thereof in anyform whatsoever without prior written permission. For information address Atria Books/Beyond Words Subsidiary Rights Department, 1230 Avenue of the Americas, New York,NY 10020.

Audio podcast interview with Noah Levine and video interview with Ram Dass courtesy of

Where Is My Guru radio show.ransistor, from the EP Where Moths Eat and Worms Destroy, and Invocation, from theEP Invocation: Our Dying Days, by Womb of the Desert Sun, courtesy of Te Path Lessraveled Records, www.thepathlesstraveledrecords.com.

All other songs written and performed by Chris Grosso, including: A Little Less Like Dying,All About Us, Cardboard Suitcase, Te Complete Fiction, Drawing Static, Hand of theHost, Te Last Night of the Earth, Perils of the Living, Places Tat Scare You, Rising/Falling, and Scream Phoenix.

First Atria Paperback/Beyond Words trade paperback edition March 2014

ATRIA PAPERBACK and colophon are trademarks of Simon & Schuster, Inc.Beyond Words Publishing is an imprint of Simon & Schuster, Inc. and the Beyond Wordslogo is a registered trademark of Beyond Words Publishing, Inc.

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Simon & Schuster reserves the right to cancel the loan and recallpossession of the Proof at any time. Any duplication,sale or distribution to the public is a violation of law.


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xiii

Foreword by Noah Levine xvii

Preace: Scream Phoenix xxi

Introduction: Smash the Control Machine xxvii

1. Spirituality? 3

2. Whatever Comes Up, Comes Out 7 3. Samadhi and Van Halen 9

4. Te Zipper Tat Broke the Camels ooth 11

5. Detox Diaries 15

6. Te Gif o Desperation 19

7. Finding Freedom 21

8. Calling Bullshit on Ourselves 29

9. No Comply 3310. Holy Grail Sale 39

11. When the Bottom Gives Out 43

12. Hey, Asshole 45

13. But Im Not Interested in Yoga, So Now What?! 47

14. New Noise 51

15. Little Did I Know 55

16. Question Everything 5917. Heroes? 61

18. ranscendence 65

19. Te ao o Checking Yoursel 69

20. Te Meaning o Lie 75

contents

Angels of Darkness (The Words, The Ways)


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contentsxiv

21. Me, Mysel & I 77

22. o Let Sleeping Dogs Lie 79

23. Jesus, Hitler, Bieber, Slayer & God 83

24. When Forever Comes Crashing 85

25. ransmission o the Heart 89

26. Tis Love 93

27. riumphant Lie Fuck-Up &

How Loving-Kindness Can Help 97

28. Eden Complex 101

29. God Disclaimer 105

30. Intellectualize Tis 111

31. A Drug Is a Drug Is a Drug 113

32. Pills 119

33. Wheres the Dead Body!? 123

34. A Prayer or the Dead 127

35. Death, Its Not Just or Metal Anymore 131

36. Te Entanglement Teory o Kirtan,Punk Rock & Hip-Hop 135

37. Music, the Collective Liberator 139

38. Bhakti Boombo 143

39. Ignition 147

40. Variations on a Teme 149

41. Love, the Universal Curriculum 151

Meditations

1. Vipassana Meditation 157

2. Mahasati Meditation 163

3. Karma Yoga & the Tirty-wo Body Part Meditation 167 4. Sel-Enquiry (Atma Vichara) 171

5. Loving-Kindness 177

Demons of Light (Meditations, Practices,and Multimedia Suggestions)


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xvcontents

Practices

6. Going to a Concert 183

7. Visiting a Museum or Gallery 185

8. Mala or Rosary Bead Work 187

9. Journaling 191

10. Prayer 193

11. Creating Art 197

12. Visit a Church, Mosque, Monastery, or Sacred Place 199

13. Yoga 201

14. alking to People 203

15. Gratitude 205

Eclectic Multimedia Suggestions

16. Books 209

17. Film 217

18. Music 221

Parting Words 227

Acknowledgments 229

Indie Spiritualist Playlist Index 233

Notes 236

About the Author 237

Indie Spiritualist Audio Download 239


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Foreword

All beings have taken birth to experience healing and reedomrom suering. his is the universal and undeniable truth.We wander through the realms o existence, states o mind, cul-

tural conditions, and generations, seeking a reliable reuge. Some

ind comort in religion; some ind comort in material success. But

neither religion nor material success oers a reliable shelter. he

Buddha reerred to both religion and materialism as dead ends.He ound a path that led between these two extremes, the middle

path, the path o awakening and healing, a personal path that has

little to do with religiosity or materialism. he healing we took

birth or is attained by those who reject the norms, reject the worlds

alse promises o pleasure-based happiness. It is not by reliance on

external conditions, but by becoming independently committed to

truth, kindness, compassion, and wisdom, that we ind what we havealways been seeking.

he Buddha was an indie spiritualist; he walked away rom

the spiritual and religious circles o his time and ound his own path.

he Buddha urged his students to reject all blind aith and cultural

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Forewordxviii

traditions based on what was written, spoken, or believed by others.

He encouraged personal and independent investigation o spiritual

matters. He basically said: ry it or yoursel, and trust your own

direct experience. I the path that you are on leads to suering and

conusion, abandon it. I the path that you are on leads to reedom

and well-being, ollow it to the end. Later teachers have summed

this up as, Dont become a Buddhist; become a Buddha.

My teacher Jack Kornield has oten spoken about inding a

path with heart. What we need most is not more religious dogma

and spiritual materialism, but to train our hearts and minds to meet

the reality o our lives in a wise and compassionate way. Compas-

sion is a skill that we develop over time and with our own eorts.

Wisdom comes when we learn to look within, when we turn toward

the pain and conusion in our hearts. hen the heart becomes the

path, and the path becomes the training o the heart and mind to

be kind. His Holiness the Dalai Lama has been quoted as saying,

Kindness is my religion. Kindness is like situational ethics; thekind thing to do in each moment depends on what is happening

right now. Kindness is not always nice or gentle. Sometimes it is

loud and aggressive, like when we need to turn up the music loud

enough to disturb the reactive habitual conditioning o the mind.

Sometimes the kind thing to do is be generous and give to someone

in need. At other times the kindest thing we can do is say No! he

meditative training o the mind will, eventually, allow us to accessthe kind and wise heart.

In this open, honest, and wise relection on his path, Chris

Grosso oers us his heart. His search or meaning and recovery led

him to a path with heart. His explorations, practices, and awaken-

ings are hard won and directly experienced. Chris does not sit back

and talk about stu he has heard or read. his is not an intellectual

exercise; this is a direct transmission o his personal path o spiritualtransormation. he core teaching here is not do what I do, it is

ind out or yoursel what works.

May this book inspire you to become independently wise and

compassionate. May you do what needs to be done in your own lie


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xixForeword

to end suering and conusion. ogether may we all create a positive

change in this world.

Yours in the spiritual revolution,

Noah Levine

2013


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Preface:Scream Phoenix

If youre going to try, go all the way.There is no other feeling like that.You will be alone with the gods,

and the nights will flame with fire.You will ride life straight to perfect laughter.

Its the only good fight there is.

Charles Bukowski

Hope, its the last to die, said an elderly man sitting across romme some years ago on a bus in Rome at 2:00 am. Hed justread the word hopetattooed across my knuckles, and I have to say

that, in my own personal lie experience, man, was he right. Lie is

ull o terror and beauteous rapture, and Ive experienced both on

numerous occasions. From a lie illed with despair, jail, emergency

rooms, detoxes, and rehabs, to one o hope.Sex, drugs, and rock n roll really was the clichd mantra o

my younger years. It began as an innocent yet angsty kinship with

grunge, punk, and hardcore music, which I ell in love with rom the

very irst time I put needle to record. A riend o a riend described

the punk/hardcore scene as a last-ditch eort or authenticity in a

world increasingly devoid o it, and Id have to agree. here were

groups discussing all sorts o relevant topics in their lyrics, rompolitics to personal ethics, spirituality, and all the isms you can

think o. his had a huge eect on me. Not only did it teach me

to question authority, to not accept everything at ace valuewhich

popular society and mass media would obviously preer we dobut

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PREFACExxii

it was the irst time that I ever really elt as though I was a part o

something bigger than mysel (amily aside).

Ill admit that I was young and nave and didnt totally understand

what I was rebelling against a lot o the time. It was still, however, an

amazing lesson in reeing mysel rom what others thoughtalbeit

oten on a supericial levelbut it helped me ind my own voice

and truth, and take stands where others wouldnt. his deinitely

didnt earn me any cool points. With my tattoos, piercings, and punk

-shirts, I stood out like a sore thumb in my small town. But I didnt

give a shit about that, as punk/hardcore music taught me not to cave

to peer pressure like many other students would.

his music and sense o community quickly sparked my inter-

est in learning to play bass and guitar so that I too could be on stage

like the bands that I admired. I didnt have loty dreams o reaching

Soundgardens level or being on MV, but I did think itd be great

to make it to the level o a band like Converge, who were signed to

a reputable indie label and had the ability to tour and have merch.While some o my bands did release CDs and seven inches on smaller

indie labels, and even had a coveted merch table illed with -shirts,

stickers, and so orth, I still never made it anywhere close to where

Id hopeully envisioned mysel.

hat didnt stop my emulation o what many see as the classic rock

n roll liestyle, however. I started experimenting with drugs and alco-

hol later than most o the kids I went to school with, because I spentmy reshman and sophomore years as straight edge (which means

living drug, alcohol, and nicotine ree, sometimes even abstaining

rom sex, though the latter was a little much or me). It was late in my

junior year that I decided to break edge, and, like a sledgehammer

to concrete, I broke the shit out o it. I started with pot and alcohol,

like most experimental kids do, but it wasnt long beore I ventured

into the very strange and exciting world o mushrooms and LSD.From drug ree, I quickly made my way through the stages o

drug use, including experimentation, regular use, abuse, and, inally,

ull-on addiction. What started as an occasional beer and joint at

practice or beore a show quickly turned into tripping on acid and


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xxiiiPREFACE

mushrooms, sniing cocaine and Ritalin, and spending plenty o

time getting ucked up on ketamine, PCP, OxyContin, and crack.

Oh, and o course there was always enough liquor to get a small

army drunk. And so it was in my late teens that I became a ull-

blown (albeit unctioning) addict.

Blackouts, hangovers, broken instruments, and terrible, drunk

live perormances became the norm. At one point my indie rock

band hree Ways ill uesday was banned rom playing every club,

large and smallwith the exception o riends basements or VFW

hallsin our home state o Connecticut, due to our drug and alco-

hol ueled antics. We even blew a $10,000 indie record deal (which

was a lot o money or us at the time) when we showed up wasted

to a show that the label owner had set up as a sort o showcase or

his riends and colleagues. I vaguely remember setting up my gui-

tar amp that night, but thats it. he next morning I awoke with an

odd bruise on my orehead, which I later ound out was due to my

repeatedly smashing mysel in the head with my microphone duringour set. I turned on my phone and received a rantic voicemail rom

the label owner, screaming, What the uck happened last night?!

What is wrong with you guys?! he deals o ! And the saddest thing

about this story is that its only the tip o the iceberg.

hat sort o blackout drinking and drug-addicted behavior car-

ried on or some years until, at the age o twenty-our, it all came to a

head. Fear, anger, hurt, sadness, drugs, empty sex, ood, cutting, andsuicide attemptsall culminated in a perect storm, a tempest that

shattered my heart and let me nothing more than the shell o a man.

In my broken state, I had nothing let to lose. I was brought to my

knees by my addiction and knew that i I was going to live, I needed

to surrender and ind a new way to live lie. Every part o my physi-

cal sel was ready to die and welcomed the thought o death. But

inside, a small lame lickered. It was very aint and very deep, yet itwas enough that, no matter how hard I tried to ignore it, I couldnt;

it wouldnt let me. Hope.

I inally checked into a detox unit. While there I quickly real-

ized it was the irst time Id been without a drug or more than a


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PREFACExxiv

day or so in many years. Id known or a while that I had a serious

problem with drugs, but reused to really acknowledge the extent oit. I mean, I was diagnosed with gout (sudden, severe attacks o pain,

redness, and tenderness in joints) at the age o twenty-three, due to

how heavily I was drinking. hat probably should have been a huge

red lag, but like any good addict I just buried my head in the drugs

and ignored it.

While in detox, where drugs werent an option (at least or those

ive days), I inally had the opportunity to take a look at what my lie

had become, and it wasnt pretty. I experienced a very deep eeling

o ear and depression, and there were no drugs to mask it (other

than the benzos they had me on or withdrawals), so I was orced to

sit with it, and it hurt. Physically, mentally, spiritually, and emotion-

allyit ucking hurt.

Being with mysel or those ive days allowed me to recognize

that I didnt want to continue living the way I had been. In my heart,

I knew that Id wanted to stop or quite some time, but didnt knowhow; and here was my chance. From detox, I went to a twenty-

eight-day inpatient treatment program, ollowed by two months in

a halway house. I was sober and recovering or a little over a year,

but this isnt a pretty airy tale, and I didnt go on to live happily ever

ater. I eventually relapsed, which became a pretty consistent pat-

tern or me over the next ew yearsget sober, relapse, detox, rehab,

repeat. With each cycle, however, it got worse. And my belie in myability to heal continually diminished.

During that irst year o sobriety, however, beore relapsing, I

elt compelled to inally set out on a search or something more.

I enguled mysel in a completely no-bullshit exploration o spiritu-

ality. I ound that having a deeply ingrained question everything

punk-rock mind-set, which taught me not to accept everything at

ace value, allowed me to take a brutally honest look at the teachingso the various spiritual and religious paths I was exploring. Some

o them hit me directly in my heart, while others let me scratching

my head and wondering, Is this or real? Regardless o whether

a particular teaching resonated with me or not, however, I always


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xxvPREFACE

remembered a simple teaching that my mother blessed me with

as a child, which was, to each their own. So with that in mind, I

ound mysel able to respect others who were inding their answers

in methods and teachings that didnt resonate with me. Its an impor-

tant theme in this bookacceptance.

In between relapses, during my times o sobriety, I would visit

various sanghas, churches, temples, and other spiritual and religious

institutions, and I remember noticing something that deinitely

surprised me, which was the increasing number o practitioners

who shared many o the same eclectic spiritual and non-spiritual

interests that I did. It was awesome to share time in meditation

and discussing the teachings o the Buddha and Jesus, Lao zu and

Krishna, but also spending time nerding out over movies like The

Big Lebowski and Donnie Darko, and bands like Foo Fighters, A

ribe Called Quest, and Mastodon. One minute wed be discussing

Arjunas internal struggle in the Bhagavad Gita, and the next wed be

laughing over shows like Curb Your EnthusiasmandArrested Devel-opment. It was at this point I realized that the dogma and rigidity

that had turned me o to religion and spirituality or the majority

o my lie werent all there was to it, and that maybe I could get into

this spirituality thing.

he experience o relating to people both on a spiritual and

everyday human levelwhere it was okay to not be perect, and even

to laugh at our imperectionswas amazing. It was through interact-ing with those lighthearted and open-minded olks, and our shared

eclectic interests, that I was inspired to search online or magazines

or websites, in the hopes o connecting with more o these compas-

sionate and quirky people Id been getting to know. I thought there

would have to be places that celebrated both spirituality and the other

eclectic interests my new riends and I had been discussing, but my

search was to no avail. So in the spirit o DIY ethics, I started a websitecalled he Indie Spiritualist, with the intention o creating an outlet

or other seekers such as mysel.

So, what is an indie spiritualist, and why does it matter?An indie

spiritualist is more than someone who thinks independently or


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PREFACExxvi

craves a spiritual path outside the traditional conines o religion. An

indie spiritualist is someone who honors the spiritual truth within

themselves, regardless o what popular society, religious institutions,

riends, amily, or anyone else, or that matter, preer they think.

he indie spiritualist stays true to the heart, because thats the most

authentic teacher any o us will ever have. When we honor that inter-

nal nudge that tells us everything may not be exactly as it seems, and

when we explore all that weve been told is true by society with the

understanding that maybe its not, were taking our irst steps toward

awakening.

his book is a new introspective exercise in dogma-ree, every-

day spirituality that I hope will beneit seekers rom all walks o lie,

whether you are new to the spiritual path or a longtime practitioner.


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Introduction: Smash theControl Machine

When we blindly adopt a religion,a political system, a literary dogma,

we become automatons.We cease to grow.

Anas Nin

Spirituality is oten o little interest to those o us who are inde-pendent thinkers and dont necessarily eel like we it in tomainstream cultural norms in terms o interests, passions, values, or

attitudes. Whether were a teenager, a twenty- or thirty-something

or older; into punk rock, hip-hop, or alternative music; covered in

tattoos and piercings; a skateboarder; gay, lesbian, bisexual, or trans-

gender; a nerd; or even wearing a suit and tiesomething insideous has elt other than.

Many o us looked to religion or spirituality or answers, but

soon ound that neither the dogma o old religion nor the love and

light luiness o New Age spirituality were approaches that reso-

nated with us. Still, we were let with an internal yearningone o

virtually deaening silencethat compelled us to answer its call, but

how? What can we do? What about the rest o us who dont resonatewith the exceedingly positive love-and-light movement or the dog-

matic tenets o spiritual and religious traditions? What are we let

to do when were looking or something more, something we can

embrace exactly as we are?

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INTRODUCTIONxxviii

At its core, spirituality is amazing. here have been many illu-

mined teachers (both past and present) who have deeply aected meand many other indie spirited people in very real and inspiring ways.

However, as with anything in lie, theres also no shortage o bullshit

that can come along with spirituality. here are so many elements

that can easily turn o any ree-thinking individual, including, but

not limited to, the sel-proclaimed gurus, enlightened teachers

who demand complete obedience o their students, yoga instructors

who actually buy in to their students worship o them, outrageously

priced spiritual clothing and accessories, the stay-positive-at-all-

costs rhetoric, and on and on it goes.

hough years o dogmatic attachments, rigid instructions, and

ear-based campaigns have let many o us with not the ondest

outlook on religion and spirituality, times are changing, and we no

longer have to accept or allow our belies to be dictated by others.

For years I wrestled with how to reconcile my desire to walk a

spiritual path, my love o independent culture, and my struggles withaddiction and recovery. his ultimately led me to reevaluate every-

thing in my lie and to ask mysel questions that are not typically

discussed in spiritual circles. he ideas and questions were not overly

esoteric. Rather, they were simple, introspective questions that I per-

sonally needed to work through in order to get a clearer picture o my

path and purpose. (And as mentioned, this quest led me to create he

Indie Spiritualist website.)My spiritual awakening didnt happen on the mountaintops o

the Himalayas or the ashrams o India. Nor did I ind it in a church

or monastery. Hell, I wasnt even looking or it in the irst place, but

spirituality can have a unny way o creeping into our lives, no matter

how much o a protective barrier we set up.

Indie spiritualism is a new approach to divine experience or

those who reject the trappings and hypocrisies o mainstream spiri-tuality and organized religion, who eel a sense o otherness, and

dont necessarily resonate with mainstream cultural norms. o quote

Burroughs: Smash control images. Smash the control machine.


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xxixINTRODUCTION

his saying has become somewhat o a template or most o the sig-

niicant change in my lie.

When it all comes down to it, living spiritually is a completely

inside job. We dont need to change our appearance, adopt a new

language, or change our mannerisms to it in. We dont need to

completely write spirituality o because we may be holding to our

own stereotypes, and possibly miss out on some incredible insights

and teachings that could make a dierence in our lives. Dogma-

ree spirituality is just that: dogma ree. Youre ree and open to the

exploration.

My sincere and humble intention is that, in all your uniqueness,

you ind peace and happiness while being you and walking your

own authentic spiritual path.

he ollowing essays, vignettes, musings, and other writings are

merely an exercise in dogma-ree, everyday spirituality, which I hope

will beneit seekers rom all walks o lie. Its not only my story, but, I

believe, a story shared by many o us as we reconcile living an inde-pendent liestyle with walking an authentic spiritual path.

Ater the collection o vignettes is a Side-B, which extends the

invitation or those independent spiritual seekers who are interested

in learning more about incorporating meditations and practices into

their lives. hese practices are rom a wide spectrum o spiritual tra-

ditions and have been enormously helpul in my lie.

Included at the end are some Bonus racks, an eclectic list opersonally recommended books, music, and ilms that may provide

sources o inspiration in obvious as well as unconventional ways.

Embedded throughout the book are QR codesthe irst two o

which are belowthat you can use to read and listen to extra media

content: links to some o my music, videos, and ull interviews o the

many individuals in the world who lent their voices and insight to

the core o this work.


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INTRODUCTIONxxx

Noah Levine was not only generous enough towrite the foreword for my book, but he gaveme an interview. Heres a link to our talk, whichaired on Where Is My Guru radio show.http ://www .whe re i smygu r u .c om/ rad i o-show/susainable-l iv ing-dharma-punx-scott-pittman-noah-levine-mar-292013/

As we start the book, Id like to set the moodwith a little music, about which Im very pas-sionate, as you can probably already tell basedon the preface. The first song Id like to shareis Invocation by my band, Womb of the DesertSun, from our EP Invocation: Our Dying Days.http://www.beyondword.com/indiespiritualist/audiodownload1.m4a


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Angels of Darkness

Side A

(The Words, The Ways)


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Spirituality?

1

The true word of God is written in our heart.

KRS-One, Aint Ready

In a recent conversation with one o my riends, who was help-ing me take some pictures or my websites bio page, she play-ully cracked on my interest in spirituality by teasing me that I wasnt

smiling enough in the photos, and said, What would all o the spiri-

tual people think? Her joke didnt mean much to me at the time, but

later I really began to ponder why I was drawn to spirituality while

she wasnt, and how her playul comment about spiritual peopleactually said a lot more than I had initially realized.

My riend and I are similar in many respects. We have a lot o

tattoos, love independent culture, and look or more than what lie

has to oer at ace value. When it comes to spirituality, however, she

has little to no interest, and, ater really thinking about a lot o what

passes or spirituality these days, I honestly cant say that I blame

her. Its hard or many o us to connect with ashionable spiritual-ity, especially since being ashionable isnt o much importance to

us to begin with. his scenario creates a problem, especially or the

younger generations, who are looking or something more; and i,

3


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Side A4

or when, we eventually turn to spirituality, our interests are quickly

thwarted at the plasticity o what we ind.

I mean absolutely no disrespect by addressing the way some

teachers present spiritual material. Many o them do an excellent job

o oering the material in a way that makes it easily accessible or

popular society, especially here in the west. In act, Im riends with

many o these teachers and I completely honor and respect their

styles. However, just as some ind that they resonate with Buddhism

over Christianity, or vice versa, the same goes or todays spiritual

aspirants who are looking or nontraditional spiritual and religious

paths, but just cant ind it in the pretty love-and-light circles.

Making spirituality accessible to all seekers, rom all walks o

lie, is o paramount importance. his is because, unortunately,

those who are searching or something more, yet dont eel like they

it in with particular spiritual and religious groups, will instead

oten resort to material items such as drugs, shopping, ood, sex,

and so orth. In a less harmul, but just as leeting way, some peo-ple seek acceptance and belonging by transorming their physical

appearance via tanning, tattoos, piercings, plastic surgery, or expen-

sive clothes. But these are all temporary things that will only ill the

gap or so long.

heres absolutely nothing wrong with any o the aoremen-

tioned thingsIm personally covered in tattoosbut its important

to remember that things such as those are nothing more than mate-rial pleasures that wont transorm us on a deeper, inner level. I

thats what were looking to do, we need to begin making over our

insides instead.

hings came to a head or me some years ago when I was at a

breaking point in my lie. Years o active drug and alcohol addiction

had let me at a place where I was going to either kill mysel or ind

a better way to live. It was a dark time or me, but one that provedto be the catalyst that pushed me to ind a more integrally healthy

liestyle. People like my photographer riend, however, who arent at

the edge o death or insanity, or backed into a corner like I was, oten

dont eel compelled to seek out deeper meanings rom lie. I they


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5indie spiritualist

do, and they happen to look or it in much o todays contemporary

spirituality, its oten not long beore they remember why they hadnt

looked there in the irst place.

alk o ire and brimstone, or the idea o giving up material pos-

sessions or living in caves and so orth, is typically not the average

persons idea o a good time. But until recently, thats oten whats

been associated with spiritual practice. Conversely, much o todays

spirituality has become luy and watered down, relying on things

like quick-ix op en lists that rarely, i ever, truly oer the seeker

any lasting results. I recently heard a Buddhist monk reerence this

type o spirituality as ast ood or our minds. Besides being humor-

ous, he was right.

Much o todays spirituality has become a business, and business

is good. But or people like my riend, and many others, who can see

through bullshit a mile away, much o todays spirituality just doesnt

do it or them. I mean, some o the things that pass or spirituality

these days blows my mind. And the price tags attached to much oit . . . well, like I said, business is good.

So much o this so-called spirituality is presented as pretty and

cosmetic, and basically is to spirituality whatJersey Shoreis to reality.

Even when unsavory thingslike our judging minds and low sel-

esteemare addressed, theyre given un, kitschy names or catch

phrases to put a shiny spin on them. So much o it only addresses

the happy and positive aspects, ocusing on words like empower-ing and healing. But i people arent scratching below the surace

to those areas where the real healing and empowerment can come

romthe darker places wed rather pretend werent therethen

how deep and long lasting will said empowerment and healing actu-

ally be?

As or mysel, I want to really lay it all out there, both the good

and the bad. Lie can be brutally ugly and grotesque, and I dont wantto pretend otherwise. As much as we like to ignore the things that

scare us, like the act that death is always creeping up on us, what

good does it do to deny lies ugliness? I mean, I hate to be the bearer

o bad news, but at this very moment, you and I, were dying.


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Side A6

O course, its important to celebrate lie and love, riends and

amily, and Im not trying to come across in a morbid way. Rather, I

acknowledge and recognize that, or most o us, theres some scary

shit weve become complacent in ignoring. Once we muster the

courage to look our physical mortality in the ace, though, we open

ourselves to a deeper relationship with our true Sel.

rue spirituality embraces all o this: the beauty that is almost

too much to bear, as well as the pain that leads some to the brink o

insanity. Its all grist or the mill. We practice our asanas and man-

tras, prayers and aspirations, and thats great; but are they serving

to strengthen our identiication as a spiritual person or to help

us release our identiication with that illusion, and in the process

deepen our exploration o more than meets the eye?

Im not perect. Im so ar rom it, its ridiculous, and I want to be

absolutely clear on that. At times I ail at much o what I write about.

I buy in to mental labels o mysel and others, and get caught up in

material shit. Heres a little story to help illustrate this point: Beorewriting this, I was packing up my drums, as Im scheduled to play

kirtan later on at Kripalu, a well-known Yoga retreat center here in

the Northeast. When I inished packing the drums, I grabbed my

Sauconys sneakers, but noticed my pair o Vans sitting right next to

them.

he quandary was that the Sauconys are made rom suede,

while the Vans are made rom canvas. So I stopped or a minute andthought about how I was going to be perorming in ront o a bunch

o yoga practitioners, and well, hmm, what would they think i I were

wearing suede shoes? So yeah, thats the level I was recently coming

rom. But Ill just keep on keepin on and do my best to bring aware-

ness and compassion to the ridiculousness that is Chris Grosso, and

to not take it all so goddamn seriously.*

* P.S. I wore the Saucony. Namaste.

Indie Spiritualist - Excerpt

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