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Transcript of CUtw#2_GemengdeGevoelens
De
ku
nst
van
he
t o
verl
eve
nIn
pa
kke
n e
n w
eg
we
zen
he
t b
lijf
t a
ltijd
ee
n g
ed
oe
. W
at g
aat
m
ee
, w
at n
iet?
Vo
or
ee
n w
inte
rsp
ort
vaka
nti
e v
an
ee
n w
ee
k is
he
t g
ed
oe
te
ove
rzie
n.
Da
n b
elt
ze
me
mo
bie
l.
Me
t d
e t
ele
foo
n in
mijn
ne
k e
n o
p m
ijn o
or
zoe
k ik
on
de
rgo
ed
en
so
kke
n. Z
e z
eg
t d
at z
e n
u e
ch
t g
aat.
Hal
f lu
iste
ren
d e
n in
pak
ken
d h
oo
r ik
haa
r h
yste
risc
he
ste
m a
an. S
uss
en
d e
n v
ou
we
nd
dri
ng
t h
et
maa
r
lan
gza
am d
oo
r. M
ijn v
rie
nd
in g
aat
we
g n
aar
haa
r th
uis
lan
d. N
aar
he
t la
nd
van
haa
r o
ud
ers
me
t zo
n e
n B
BQ
op
he
t st
ran
d. O
f ik
tijd
en
s d
e w
inte
rsp
ort
mijn
mo
nd
wil
ho
ud
en
te
ge
n w
ed
erz
ijdse
Ho
llan
dse
vri
en
de
n.
Dat
kan
ik, e
n d
at d
oe
ik. Z
ie v
ee
lkle
uri
ge
jass
en
vo
orb
ij sk
iën
en
ho
or
ho
em
pap
a e
n t
rala
la. Z
ach
tje
s g
lij ik
van
he
llen
de
vla
kke
n d
oo
r e
en
sn
ee
uw
lan
dsc
hap
. Me
t e
en
sp
oo
r va
n h
en
die
van
mij
gaa
n e
n z
ijn g
eg
aan
.
Ee
rst
mijn
sc
ho
on
vad
er
en
nu
éé
n v
an m
ijn b
est
e v
rie
nd
inn
en
. Ne
de
rlan
d b
lijft
to
ch
ee
n t
we
ed
e p
lek.
Hu
n h
arte
n k
lop
pe
n e
rge
ns
and
ers
vo
ller
en
rijk
er.
Ne
de
rlan
d, m
ijn N
ed
erl
and
? E
en
hal
f la
nd
vo
or
allo
ch
ton
en
en
au
toc
hto
ne
n?
Pas
de
laat
ste
jare
n v
iel h
et
mij
op
dat
de
me
est
e v
rie
nd
en
ee
n k
leu
rtje
he
bb
en
. Mijn
man
is N
ed
erl
and
s/Sp
aan
s e
n d
aar
no
oit
zo
me
e
be
zig
. Mijn
leve
n m
et
he
n is
vo
ller
en
rijk
er,
ik v
oe
l me
bij
he
n m
ee
r th
uis
. Bij
mijn
man
kan
je n
og
we
l
iets
bu
ite
nla
nd
s zi
en
do
or
zijn
zw
arte
haa
r m
aar
verd
er
is h
ij H
olla
nd
s la
ng
. Daa
r w
aar
ik d
rie
we
ken
gin
g
kam
pe
ren
gin
g h
ij ze
s w
eke
n n
aar
zijn
Sp
aan
se f
amili
e a
ldaa
r. V
erd
er
he
b ik
er
oo
k n
oo
it z
o b
ij st
ilge
staa
n
dat
ik g
ee
n d
oo
rsn
ee
Ne
de
rlan
de
r b
en
. Al d
oe
t d
e b
uit
en
kan
t n
iets
an
de
rs v
erm
oe
de
n.
Va
n D
uit
se d
ien
stb
od
e to
t N
eder
lan
dse
hu
isv
rou
wLu
ise
An
na
Be
rth
a N
eu
man
n k
wam
als
ne
ge
nti
en
jari
g m
eis
je u
it h
et
arm
e R
uh
rge
bie
d n
aar
Ne
de
rlan
d
om
als
Du
its
die
nst
me
isje
te
we
rke
n in
de
hu
ish
ou
din
g b
ij e
en
Ho
llan
dse
me
vro
uw
. Mijn
om
a h
oo
rt t
ot
de
ee
rste
ge
ne
rati
e g
asta
rbe
ide
rs d
ie a
ls jo
ng
me
isje
tu
sse
n 1
92
0-1
95
0 in
gro
ten
ge
tale
naa
r N
ed
erl
and
kwam
en
om
te
we
rke
n. Z
oal
s ve
le a
nd
ere
n v
est
igd
e z
ij zi
ch
blij
ven
d n
a e
en
hu
we
lijk
me
t e
en
Ne
de
rlan
de
r.
Zij
voe
gd
e z
ich
zo
nd
er
pro
ble
me
n n
aar
de
nie
uw
e s
ame
nle
vin
g. A
lth
ans,
to
t d
e D
uit
se in
val i
n m
ei 1
94
0.
Ik h
eb
mijn
om
a e
r n
oo
it o
ver
ge
ho
ord
. Nie
t o
ver
teru
gve
rlan
ge
n n
aar
haa
r la
nd
, nie
t o
ver
dis
crim
inat
ie e
n
nie
t o
ver
de
Tw
ee
de
We
reld
oo
rlo
g. M
issc
hie
n o
md
at ik
de
jon
gst
e b
en
van
alle
kin
de
ren
van
haa
r d
och
ters
,
maa
r m
ijn o
ma
was
nie
t e
rg s
pra
akza
am. H
aar
dri
e d
och
ters
we
rde
n g
eb
ore
n t
ijde
ns
de
be
zett
ing
sjar
en
.
Loe
ki, H
ann
a e
n E
rica
(m
ijn m
oe
de
r). O
ok
mijn
mo
ed
er
is n
iet
erg
sp
raak
zaam
, ze
ker
nie
t o
ver
haa
r je
ug
d.
Als
kin
d w
ee
t je
nie
t b
ete
r d
an d
at o
ma
ee
n g
rap
pig
e t
on
gva
l he
eft
dat
he
t n
iet
he
el t
of
is o
m D
uit
s te
zijn
tijd
en
s b
ep
aald
e v
oe
tbal
we
dst
rijd
en
. Op
de
mid
de
lbar
e s
cho
ol h
eb
ik o
ng
ezo
nd
ve
el g
ele
zen
ove
r d
e
Twe
ed
e W
ere
ldo
orl
og
. Dan
kzij
he
t E
CI-
lidm
aats
chap
van
mijn
ou
de
rs, e
en
paa
r K
on
salik
s va
n m
ijn m
oe
de
r
en
de
en
cycl
op
ed
ie d
ie n
aast
mijn
kam
er
op
de
gan
g s
ton
d g
ep
arke
erd
.
Tijd
en
s d
e g
esc
hie
de
nis
les
sch
aam
de
ik m
e v
oo
r m
ijn b
lon
de
har
en
, bla
uw
e o
ge
n e
n D
uit
se a
ch
terg
ron
d.
En
Du
its
gin
g m
e w
el e
rg g
em
akke
lijk
af. Z
oal
s h
et
Spaa
ns/
Ital
iaan
s b
ij m
ijn m
an.
My fath
er-in
-law Jo
sé V
ivas-Sainz g
ot o
n a b
us to
loo
k for b
ette
r ec
on
om
ic c
han
ce
s in th
e N
eth
erlan
ds
som
e tim
e d
urin
g th
e 19
60
s. He
was d
rop
pe
d o
ff at a b
oard
ing
ho
use
to e
at and
slee
p w
ith h
is co
mp
a-
triots. H
e fo
un
d w
ork in
a Ne
dal fac
tory, w
he
re h
e staye
d u
ntil h
is retire
me
nt. H
e sp
eaks g
oo
d D
utc
h w
ith
a he
avy Span
ish ac
ce
nt, w
hic
h h
e says is th
e m
ain c
ause
of h
is stagn
ation
at wo
rk. He
was o
ften
taken
for
be
ing
du
mb
er th
an h
e re
ally is. Bu
t pe
rhap
s this w
as also c
on
ven
ien
t for th
e e
mp
loye
rs.
José
has fu
nn
y ane
cd
ote
s abo
ut th
e fo
od
, we
athe
r and
me
ntality in
the
Ne
the
rland
s. His d
ivorc
e fro
m h
is
Du
tch
wife
rem
ains a d
iffic
ult to
pic
to th
is day. M
y fathe
r-in-law
is a real fam
ily man
and
wan
ted
to take
go
od
care
of b
oth
his fam
ily in th
e N
eth
erlan
ds an
d h
is family in
Spain
. Bu
t time
passe
d an
d e
veryth
ing
ch
ang
ed
, as thin
gs d
o. H
e g
ot stu
ck in
the
ham
ster w
he
el an
d o
nly g
ot to
go
ho
me
in h
is min
d. To
Spain
,
wh
ere
eve
ryon
e w
as exp
ec
ting
him
to visit w
ith a b
eau
tiful fam
ily and
gre
at we
alth, e
xpe
rien
ce
s and
sto-
ries. To
settle
do
wn
in h
is ow
n d
ream
parad
ise. In
a ho
use
ne
xt to h
is sister’s h
ou
se.
As I sit at th
e edg
e of h
is po
ol, I w
ave to m
y father-in
-law’s sister’s fo
rmer h
usb
and
. She su
dd
enly p
assed
away fro
m a b
rain tu
mo
ur years ag
o. B
oth
men
no
w h
ave new
partn
ers. José h
as lived w
ith h
is Du
tch g
irl-
friend
in h
is ho
me u
nd
er the Sp
anish
sun
since h
is retiremen
t. Th
e tom
atoes d
o taste b
etter there th
an h
ere.
Th
e gra
ss is less green
tha
n b
ack
then
I have less ap
preciatio
n fo
r sun
ny p
laces and
their b
enefits. P
erhap
s this is d
ue to
my co
oler g
enes. M
y mo
ther
has an
un
derstan
dab
le interest in
her ro
ots. Sh
e has ch
arted m
y father’s fam
ily tree, bu
t mo
st of h
er research
has b
een ab
ou
t her m
oth
er’s family h
istory. Ju
st a few sm
all gen
eration
al steps b
ack, I can trace m
y ancestry
thro
ug
h P
olan
d to
Ru
ssia. I seem to
feel no
desire fo
r oth
er family ties, fo
od
or tem
peratu
re.
I do
, ho
wever, h
ave a yearnin
g fo
r adven
ture an
d a rich
er life. Luise N
eum
ann
sou
gh
t her o
wn
way. N
o H
eimat
rom
ance, n
o m
isun
dersto
od
talent an
d n
o m
edd
ling
in o
ther p
eop
le’s bu
siness. Sh
e left ho
me w
hen
she w
as
nin
eteen an
d w
as a lot m
ore en
terprisin
g an
d w
iser than
peo
ple ten
ded
to b
e in th
e 196
0s. Sh
e wo
uld
smile
at wo
rds like d
iscrimin
ation
, eman
cipatio
n an
d in
tegratio
n. Sh
e died
in h
er sleep at V
an Sw
ind
enstraat 124
in
Utrech
t. Th
at little ho
use w
as always an
exotic p
lace for m
e. My g
rand
mo
ther w
as a real collecto
r of so
aps,
wrap
pin
g p
aper an
d lo
vely din
nerw
are. Everythin
g sh
e had
kept in
her life I fin
d b
eautifu
l, mo
re beau
tiful th
an
thin
gs fro
m th
e 1970
s, ‘80
s and
‘90
s. Becau
se it is old
and
wo
rn, fu
nctio
nal an
d stu
rdy. I w
ou
ld h
ave liked to
have w
rapp
ed u
p h
er wh
ole h
ou
se, as oth
ers mig
ht a co
un
try. To th
is day, I co
uld
draw
the p
lace from
mem
ory.
Th
e gard
en g
ate, the d
oo
rbell, th
e kitchen
, the sh
ed an
d th
e silly little gard
en, th
e living
roo
m, th
e stairs and
the th
ree bed
roo
ms. N
on
e of it h
ad ever ch
ang
ed, acco
rdin
g to
my m
oth
er. A n
ew b
icycle, wh
ich h
ad b
een
placed
on
the first fl
oo
r for safekeep
ing
du
ring
the w
ar, stoo
d as a silen
t witn
ess to h
er wo
rds.
Van
Swin
de
nstraat 124
in U
trec
ht is m
y ho
me
land
and
co
ntain
s my g
rand
mo
the
r’s he
art. It was a p
aradise
wh
ere
I co
uld
pic
k de
licio
us fru
its and
go
on
adve
ntu
res w
hile
the
family h
ad c
off
ee
. My g
rand
mo
the
r
and
I had
few
co
nve
rsation
s bu
t I have
un
de
rstoo
d h
er n
on
eth
ele
ss. Life is n
ot ab
ou
t natio
nal b
ord
ers, it’s
abo
ut p
eo
ple
. You
mu
st no
t let yo
urse
lf be
he
mm
ed
in b
y cu
lture
, co
un
try or h
eritag
e. Yo
ur le
gac
y is wh
at
you
carry w
ithin
you
of th
ose
wh
o h
ave g
on
e b
efo
re yo
u.
Afte
r han
din
g o
ut th
e c
ream
pie
s, José
step
pe
d in
to h
is Ho
nd
a. He
had
cram
me
d it fu
ll of stu
ff an
d n
ow
dro
ve in
on
e g
o to
his h
ou
se in
Po
zo E
strec
ho
the
ne
xt day. H
is girlfrie
nd
follo
we
d a d
ay later b
y airplan
e.
His so
n an
d I w
ere
left w
ith a g
arage
full o
f thin
gs an
d h
is gran
dso
n in
my arm
s.
My g
irlfrien
d w
ill go
to h
er islan
d w
ith h
er so
n in
Sep
tem
be
r. He
r hu
sban
d w
ill follo
w su
it in M
arch
and
will
leave
be
hin
d h
is son
and
an ad
op
ted
dau
gh
ter fro
m a p
revio
us m
arriage
. Th
at’s ho
w th
ing
s are n
ow
adays.
So
urc
es: • H
eim
at in H
ollan
d : D
uitse
die
nstm
eisje
s 192
0-19
50
/ Barb
ara He
nke
s. Am
sterd
am: B
abylo
n-D
e G
eu
s, 19
95
.-35
2p
. Grad
uate
the
sis at the
Un
iversity o
f Am
sterd
am • H
et g
eslac
ht N
agte
gaal in
en
ron
do
m U
trec
ht. H
.K.
Nag
teg
aal en
J. Nag
teg
aal • Foto
grafi
e V
an Sw
ind
en
straat: 199
4
Gem
eng
de
gev
oel
ens
Fotografi
e en
tek
st: M
ireill
e Nag
tegaa
l D
esign:
Ann
eloes B
erns
8 9
De
ee
rste
on
du
ide
lijke
ve
rhal
en
ove
r ve
rze
t e
n o
f je
fam
ilie
go
ed
/fo
ut
was
in d
e o
orl
og
ko
n ik
mo
eili
jk
pe
ilen
. De
ou
dst
e d
oc
hte
r va
n L
uis
e h
ad h
aar
vad
er
zie
n a
fvo
ere
n o
nd
er
be
ge
leid
ing
van
ee
n g
ela
de
n
pis
too
l na
de
be
vrijd
ing
. Op
a M
ein
de
rt h
ee
ft e
en
paa
r d
age
n g
eva
ng
en
ge
zete
n. L
oe
ki w
as e
r to
t o
p d
e
dag
dat
de
arc
hie
ven
in D
en
Haa
g o
pe
n g
ing
en
van
ove
rtu
igd
dat
haa
r va
de
r fo
ut
was
ge
we
est
. De
dri
e
zust
ers
mo
est
en
on
de
r o
ge
n z
ien
dat
hu
n v
ade
r al
lee
n e
en
Du
itse
vro
uw
had
ge
tro
uw
d e
n d
at d
it g
en
oe
g
was
om
he
m t
e a
rre
ste
ren
, na
ee
n t
ip v
an d
e b
ure
n. Z
o g
ing
dat
in d
ie t
ijd.
José
Viv
as-S
ain
z m
oe
t e
rge
ns
in d
e ja
ren
ze
stig
in e
en
bu
s g
est
apt
zijn
op
we
g n
aar
me
er
ec
on
om
isc
h
ge
luk
in N
ed
erl
and
. Daa
r w
erd
hij
me
t la
nd
ge
no
ten
bij
ee
n p
en
sio
n a
fge
zet
om
te
ete
n e
n t
e s
lap
en
.
In N
eder
lan
d k
on
hij
aan
het
wer
k in
een
fab
riek
. Mijn
sch
oo
nva
der
hee
ft t
ot
aan
zijn
pen
sio
en b
ij d
e N
edal
in e
en f
abri
ek g
ewer
kt. H
ij sp
reek
t g
oed
Ned
erla
nd
s m
et e
en z
waa
r Sp
aan
s ac
cen
t. D
it z
iet
hij
als
bel
ang
rijk
-
ste
oo
rzaa
k vo
or
de
stag
nat
ie in
zijn
on
twik
kelin
g. H
ij w
erd
vo
or
do
mm
er g
ezie
n d
an h
ij is
. Maa
r m
issc
hie
n
kwam
dit
we
rkg
eve
rs o
ok
we
l go
ed
uit
. Jo
sé k
an g
rap
pig
e a
ne
kdo
tes
vert
elle
n o
ver
he
t N
ed
erl
and
se
ete
n, h
et
we
er
en
on
ze m
en
talit
eit
. De
ec
hts
ch
eid
ing
van
zijn
Ne
de
rlan
dse
vro
uw
blij
ft t
ot
op
de
dag
van
van
daa
g e
en
mo
eili
jk g
esp
reks
on
de
rwe
rp. M
ijn s
ch
oo
nva
de
r is
ee
n e
ch
te f
amili
em
an e
n w
ilde
go
ed
vo
or
zijn
ge
zin
in N
ed
erl
and
zo
rge
n e
n z
ijn f
amili
e in
Sp
anje
. Maa
r d
e t
ijd v
ers
tre
ek
en
alle
s ve
ran
de
rde
zo
als
dat
gaa
t. S
ton
d h
ij st
il in
zijn
tre
dm
ole
n e
n k
wam
alle
en
th
uis
in g
ed
ach
ten
. In
Sp
anje
waa
r ie
de
ree
n h
em
verw
ach
tte
me
t zi
jn p
rac
hti
ge
ge
zin
en
rijk
do
mm
en
, erv
arin
ge
n e
n v
erh
ale
n. O
m n
ee
r te
str
ijke
n in
zijn
ze
lf
ge
dro
om
de
par
adijs
. In
ee
n h
uis
naa
st h
et
hu
is v
an z
ijn z
ust
er.
Als
ik o
p d
e r
and
van
zijn
zw
em
bad
zit
, zw
aai i
k n
aar
de
man
van
mijn
sc
ho
on
vad
ers
zu
ste
r. Z
ij is
jare
n
ge
led
en
plo
tskl
aps
ove
rle
de
n a
an e
en
he
rse
ntu
mo
r. B
eid
e m
ann
en
he
bb
en
ee
n v
rie
nd
in. J
osé
wo
on
t si
nd
s
zijn
pe
nsi
oe
n m
et
zijn
Ne
de
rlan
dse
vri
en
din
in z
ijn S
paa
nse
hu
is o
nd
er
de
zo
n. D
e t
om
ate
n s
mak
en
daa
r
ind
erd
aad
be
ter
dan
hie
r.
Het
gra
s is
min
der
gro
en d
an
to
enIk
be
gri
jp d
e z
on
nig
e o
ord
en
en
hu
n w
eld
aad
min
de
r g
oe
d. M
issc
hie
n k
om
t d
it d
oo
r m
ijn k
oe
lere
ge
ne
n.
Mijn
mo
ed
er
he
eft
ee
n v
erk
laar
bar
e in
tere
sse
in h
aar
roo
ts. Z
ij h
ee
ft n
iet
alle
en
de
sta
mb
oo
m v
an m
ijn
vad
ers
kan
t u
itg
ep
loze
n, m
aar
zic
h v
oo
rnam
elij
k ve
rdie
pt
in d
e g
esc
hie
de
nis
van
haa
r m
oe
de
r. V
ia e
en
paa
r
kle
ine
ge
ne
rati
est
apje
s g
a ik
dan
te
rug
via
Po
len
naa
r R
usl
and
. He
rke
n e
ch
ter
ge
en
ve
rlan
ge
n n
aar
and
ere
fam
ilie
ban
de
n, e
ten
en
te
mp
era
tuu
r. W
el e
en
ve
rlan
ge
n n
aar
avo
ntu
ur
en
ee
n r
ijke
r le
ven
. Lu
ise
Ne
um
ann
zoc
ht
haa
r e
ige
n w
eg
. Ge
en
He
imat
-ro
man
tie
k, g
ee
n m
iske
nd
tal
en
t e
n w
ars
van
an
de
rman
s za
ken
.
Ze
ve
rtro
k o
p h
aar
ne
ge
nti
en
de
en
was
ee
n s
tuk
on
de
rne
me
nd
er
en
wijz
er
dan
de
he
le ja
ren
60
bij
elk
aar.
Ze
zo
u g
limla
ch
en
bij
term
en
als
dis
cri
min
atie
, em
anc
ipat
ie e
n in
teg
rati
e. O
verl
ee
d in
haa
r sl
aap
aan
de
Van
Sw
ind
en
stra
at 1
24 t
e U
tre
ch
t. H
et
hu
isje
was
vo
or
mij
ee
n e
xoti
sch
oo
rd. M
ijn o
ma
was
ee
n e
ch
te v
er-
zam
ela
ar, v
an z
ee
pje
s e
n in
pak
pap
ier
tot
de
pra
ch
tig
ste
se
rvie
zen
. Alle
s w
at z
e in
haa
r le
ven
had
be
waa
rd
vin
d ik
mo
oi,
mo
oie
r d
an d
e ja
ren
70
, 80
en
90
. Om
dat
he
t o
ud
en
do
orl
ee
fd is
, fu
nc
tio
ne
el e
n s
tevi
g.
Ik h
ad h
aar
he
le h
uis
we
l will
en
inp
akke
n, z
oal
s an
de
ren
mis
sch
ien
ee
n la
nd
. To
t o
p d
e d
ag v
an v
and
aag
kan
ik d
ie p
lek
uit
teke
ne
n. H
et
tuin
he
kje
, de
de
urb
el,
de
ke
uke
n, d
e s
ch
uu
r e
n h
et
mal
le t
uin
tje
, de
wo
on
-
kam
er,
de
tra
p n
aar
bo
ven
en
de
dri
e s
laap
kam
ers
. On
vera
nd
erd
vo
lge
ns
mijn
mo
ed
er.
Ee
n n
ieu
we
fie
ts
die
vo
or
de
ze
kerh
eid
tijd
en
s d
e o
orl
og
op
de
ee
rste
ve
rdie
pin
g w
as g
ep
laat
st s
ton
d d
aar
als
still
e g
etu
ige
van
haa
r w
oo
rde
n.
De
Van
Sw
ind
en
stra
at 1
24 in
Utr
ec
ht
is m
ijn v
ade
rlan
d m
et
he
t h
art
van
mijn
om
a. E
en
par
adijs
waa
r ik
pra
ch
tig
e v
ruc
hte
n k
on
plu
kke
n e
n o
p a
von
tuu
r g
ing
als
de
fam
ilie
ko
ffie
dro
nk.
Mijn
om
a h
ee
ft m
aar
we
inig
me
t m
ij g
esp
roke
n m
aar
ik h
eb
haa
r b
eg
rep
en
. He
t le
ven
gaa
t n
iet
ove
r la
nd
sgre
nze
n m
aar
ove
r
jou
. Je
mo
et
je n
iet
late
n le
ide
n d
oo
r c
ult
uu
r, la
nd
of
erf
go
ed
. Je
erf
en
is is
wat
je m
ee
dra
agt
van
de
pe
r-
soo
nlij
khe
de
n d
ie je
vo
or
zijn
ge
gaa
n.
Na
he
t u
itd
ele
n v
an s
lag
roo
mta
artj
es
stap
te J
osé
in z
ijn H
on
da.
Pro
pte
die
th
uis
vo
l me
t sp
ulle
n e
n r
ee
d d
e
volg
en
de
dag
in é
én
ru
k d
oo
r n
aar
zijn
Hu
is in
Po
zo E
stre
ch
o. Z
ijn v
rie
nd
in v
olg
de
ee
n d
ag la
ter
me
t h
et
vlie
gtu
ig. Z
ijn z
oo
n e
n ik
ble
ven
ac
hte
r m
et
ee
n g
arag
e v
ol s
pu
llen
en
zijn
kle
inzo
on
in m
ijn a
rme
n.
Mijn
vri
en
din
ve
rtre
kt in
se
pte
mb
er
me
t h
aar
zoo
n n
aar
haa
r e
ilan
d. H
aar
man
vo
lgt
in m
aart
en
laat
hie
r
zijn
zo
on
en
ee
n g
ead
op
tee
rde
do
ch
ter
ach
ter
uit
ee
n e
erd
er
hu
we
lijk.
Zo
gaa
t d
at d
an in
on
ze t
ijd.
Bro
nn
en
: •
He
imat
in H
olla
nd
: D
uit
se d
ien
stm
eis
jes
192
0-1
95
0. B
arb
ara
He
nke
s. A
mst
erd
am:
Bab
ylo
n-D
e G
eu
s, 1
99
5.-
35
2p
. Pro
efs
ch
rift
Un
ive
rsit
eit
van
Am
ste
rdam
. • H
et
ge
slac
ht
Nag
teg
aal i
n e
n r
on
do
m U
tre
ch
t. H
.K. N
agte
gaa
l en
J.
Nag
teg
aal •
Fo
tog
rafi
e V
an S
win
de
nst
raat
: 19
94
Mix
ed feelin
gs
Th
e art o
f surv
ival
Pa
ckin
g fo
r a trip
is alw
ays a
ha
ssle. H
ow
do
es o
ne
de
-c
ide
wh
at to ta
ke a
nd
wh
at to le
ave
be
hin
d? Fo
rtun
ately,
I’m ju
st pa
ckin
g fo
r a o
ne
-we
ek w
inte
r ho
lida
y. An
d th
at’s w
he
n sh
e c
alls m
e o
n th
e m
ob
ile.
I ho
ld th
e p
ho
ne
be
twe
en
ne
ck an
d sh
ou
lde
r wh
ile c
on
tinu
ing
to lo
ok th
rou
gh
my u
nd
erw
ear an
d so
cks.
She
says she
’s really le
aving
this tim
e. H
alf listen
ing
, half p
ackin
g, I h
ear h
er h
ysteric
al voic
e. A
s I soo
the
he
r wh
ile c
on
tinu
ing
to fo
ld c
loth
es, it slo
wly sin
ks in: m
y frien
d is g
oin
g b
ack to
he
r ho
me
co
un
try. To th
e
land
of h
er p
aren
ts with
the
sun
and
be
ach
barb
ec
ue
s. Can
I ple
ase n
ot te
ll ou
r mu
tual D
utc
h frie
nd
s du
r-
ing
the
win
ter h
olid
ay? I can
, and
I do
. I see
mu
ltico
lou
red
jacke
ts ski past an
d h
ear th
e b
rou
hah
a of h
app
y
voic
es. I g
en
tly slide
do
wn
slop
ing
hillsid
es th
rou
gh
a sno
wy lan
dsc
ape
. Carryin
g trac
es o
f pe
op
le w
ho
are
leavin
g m
e o
r have
left alre
ady. First m
y fathe
r-in-law
and
no
w o
ne
of m
y be
st frien
ds. T
he
Ne
the
rland
s
stays be
hin
d as a se
co
nd
plac
e. T
he
ir he
arts be
at som
ew
he
re e
lse, fu
ller an
d ric
he
r.
Ho
lland
, my H
ollan
d –
half a co
un
try for b
oth
imm
igran
ts and
native
s? It’s on
ly rece
ntly th
at I eve
n re
alised
that m
ost o
f my frie
nd
s see
m to
have
a som
ew
hat d
arker co
mp
lexio
m little
colo
ur in
the
ir faces. M
y hu
s-
ban
d, fo
r on
e, is D
utch
-Span
ish, alth
ou
gh
he
do
esn
’t de
fine
him
self b
y his fo
reig
nn
ess. M
y life is fu
ller an
d
riche
r with
the
m, I fe
el m
ore
at ho
me
with
the
m. M
y hu
sban
d m
ay have
black h
air, bu
t he
’s tall as a Du
tch-
man
. Wh
en
I we
nt cam
pin
g fo
r thre
e w
ee
ks, he
we
nt to
see
his Sp
anish
family fo
r six we
eks. A
t any rate
,
I ne
ver re
ally stop
to th
ink th
at I’m n
ot an
averag
e D
utch
wo
man
, eve
n th
ou
gh
I may lo
ok so
on
the
ou
tside
.
Fro
m G
erma
n m
aid
to D
utch
wife
Luise
An
na B
erth
a Ne
um
ann
cam
e to
the
Ne
the
rland
s from
the
po
or R
uh
r area o
f Ge
rman
y at the
age
of
nin
ete
en
to w
ork as a h
ou
seke
ep
er fo
r a Du
tch
family. M
y gran
dm
oth
er b
elo
ng
s to th
e fi
rst ge
ne
ration
of m
igran
t wo
rkers w
ho
cam
e to
wo
rk he
re in
large
nu
mb
ers b
etw
ee
n 19
20
and
195
0. Like
man
y oth
ers,
she
settle
d p
erm
ane
ntly afte
r marryin
g a D
utc
hm
an. Sh
e sm
oo
thly in
teg
rated
into
he
r ch
ose
n so
cie
ty un
til
the
Ge
rman
invasio
n o
f May 19
40
turn
ed
life u
psid
e d
ow
n.
My g
rand
mo
the
r has n
eve
r spo
ken
to m
e ab
ou
t this. N
ot ab
ou
t lon
gin
g fo
r he
r ho
me
land
, no
t abo
ut b
ein
g
disc
rimin
ated
again
st and
no
t abo
ut th
e w
ar. Mayb
e th
is is be
cau
se I’m
the
you
ng
est o
f all the
ch
ildre
n o
f
he
r dau
gh
ters, b
ut I d
on
’t rem
em
be
r my g
rand
mo
the
r be
ing
partic
ularly talkative
. He
r thre
e d
aug
hte
rs
– Lo
eki, H
ann
a and
Eric
a (my m
oth
er) –
we
re b
orn
du
ring
the
oc
cu
patio
n. M
y mo
the
r hasn
’t be
en
very
forth
co
min
g e
ithe
r, esp
ec
ially abo
ut h
er c
hild
ho
od
. I gu
ess all yo
u kn
ow
as a ch
ild is th
at Gran
dm
a has a
fun
ny ac
ce
nt an
d th
at it’s no
t exac
tly co
ol to
be
Ge
rman
du
ring
ce
rtain fo
otb
all gam
es. In
hig
h sc
ho
ol
I read
an u
nh
ealth
y amo
un
t abo
ut th
e Se
co
nd
Wo
rld W
ar than
ks to m
y pare
nts’ m
em
be
rship
of th
e b
oo
k
clu
b E
CI, a fe
w K
on
salik no
vels o
wn
ed
by m
y mo
the
r and
the
en
cyc
lop
aed
ia parke
d n
ext to
my ro
om
in
the
hallw
ay. Du
ring
histo
ry lesso
ns, I w
as asham
ed
of m
y blo
nd
hair, b
lue
eye
s and
Ge
rman
bac
kgro
un
d.
An
d I w
as a little to
o g
oo
d at G
erm
an. Ju
st like m
y hu
sban
d at Sp
anish
/Italian.
Th
e fi
rst vagu
e sto
ries ab
ou
t resistan
ce
and
wh
eth
er yo
ur fam
ily was am
on
g th
e g
oo
d o
r the
bad
gu
ys in
the
war w
ere
diffi
cu
lt for m
e to
ge
t my h
ead
arou
nd
. Luise
’s old
est d
aug
hte
r had
see
n h
er fath
er take
n
away b
y a man
with
a load
ed
gu
n afte
r the
libe
ration
. Gran
dp
a Me
ind
ert w
as imp
rison
ed
for a fe
w d
ays.
Loe
ki had
be
en
co
nvin
ce
d th
at he
r fathe
r had
do
ne
som
eth
ing
wro
ng
righ
t up
to th
e d
ay that th
e arc
hive
s
in T
he
Hag
ue
we
re o
pe
ne
d. T
he
n th
e th
ree
sisters h
ad to
face
the
fact th
at the
on
ly bad
thin
g th
eir fath
er
had
do
ne
was to
marry a G
erm
an w
om
an –
and
that th
is, tog
eth
er w
ith a tip
from
a frien
dly n
eig
hb
ou
r,
had
be
en
en
ou
gh
to h
ave h
im arre
sted
. It was ju
st the
way th
ing
s we
re b
ack th
en
.
10 11
Photography and text: Mireille N
agtegaal D
esign: Anneloes B
erns
10 11