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The Arctic

Monkey'sCompletelyUnofficial Burning Man

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Arctic Monkey's Unofficial Guide & Pack List

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Introduction

All this started out of the list I have carried with me to every event Ive been to in the

Desert. Every year I put together my list, and every year I bring back stuff I neverused. When something Ive never used comes back, it gets crossed off the list.

It expanded into a rationale of WHY I didnt use some of the stuff on the list tosomeone who hadnt been before.

Then after I explained the rationale, there were more questions about the event itself and what went onthere.

So I wrote some more.

And now its this thing.

So here it is.

In no order, youre going to Burning Man.

This assumes youre doing this with no real prep work from ground zero and/or are looking for new tips.Either way, read on.

Cue the ominous music, please.


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Step One

BUY A TICKET.

Now, the rest is easy. Get yourself there. Have a great time. Participate. Leave No Trace. Get Yourselfhome.

Sucker.

The basic principles behind my list follow the ethos of Burners everywhere: be so prepared yourpreparedness will make Boy Scout preparedness weep little khaki tears of shame.

First rule: its a desert. Its hot. People die in hot deserts without the right stuff.

Second rule: its a city. Theres lots of people doing stuff, some of it brilliant, some of it reallystupid. Taking care of yourself and your needs prevents you from being the latter.

Third rule: Boundaries arent taken down by the event; you take your boundaries down yourself. If

you arent comfortable doing something, dont feel expected to do it. That includes this list.Guide is there for a reason. Your Mileage May Vary, Your Experience May Suck, and You MayFind None of This Guide To Be At All Useful.

The Beginning of the List:

TICKET, DUMBASS.

If you dont bring your ticket, you dont get in. If you forgot your ticket, in 2008, you had two options. Gohome and get your ticket or try to sneak in, get arrested, busted by either Perimeter or Gate, and get senthome or down to Reno to chill out with the cops in their new fancy Hotel For Morons (also known as jail).

Theres a high probability that the Gate will have some kind of ability to charge your credit card so youdont have to go all they way home, wherever it is, if you DO have a ticket and just forgot it, and when youget back home to civilization, can send the ticket into the Burning man Org for your refund.

By the way? Sneaking in is not a smart option. Ten miles of orange trash fence, twenty perimeterpatrollers, BLM, local sheriffs, and plenty of people who find it fun to catch sneakers lengthens the oddsconsiderably.

If you made it ALL the way down to the event without buying a ticket, youre gambling pretty heavily onwhat you think might happen. All things are possible, but many are unlikely. Buy a ticket.

Oh, and they have incredibly accurate ground radar. You know the kind that perimeter people might use

to check to see if Guantanamo Bay prison escapes are happening? That kind. Perimeter used to beabout finding people who snuck in; now its merely tapping the people who dont know that the LawEnforcement Officers (LEOs) are out in force and can see anyone outside the trash fence. I mean, its justnot even funny any more.


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Repacking Your Foodz

Look at a pack of wheat thins. The majority of the box is occupied by air and packaging, not the actualfood. So rather than packing the air and the packaging, you can recycle the materials ahead of time.

Repacking your food works great for dry goods like cereal, brownies, oreo cookies, wasabi peas, beef

jerky, etc. Grab some Ziploc bags (large freezer-size) and zip em up. Not only will you be able to seeyour snacks, you can also compress the air out of them and roll them up tight for storage. You shouldntneed more than one 18-gallon bin of dry goods for two or more people if you do this religiously.

This also works for frozen foods and raw foods, like premarinated steaks (or precooked, which is talkedabout further on). Its not really a good idea to do this with food like raw apples, bananas, etc, but its okayto do with things like sliced cheese and stuff that would normally keep well. For things like guacomole leave it in the package, but the tortilla chips and tortillas that go with it are perfectly fine. Precookedbacon? Repack.

Coolers

I take one food cooler, one beverage cooler, and one box of foodwith around 4 12-packs of canneddrinks and twenty gallons of water. I do this for two reasons my fruit smoothies, in a pinch, are perfecthangover food, and are always, ALWAYS welcome ice cold. Ice is available on playa at the 12 oclock, 9oclock, and 3 oclock plazas from 9AM to 6PM every day.

Seasonings

Bring salt. Salt, salt, salt. Salt peanuts. Salt pretzels. Dill pickles. Anything tasty and salty not only plantssalt into your body to help keep water in it, its also tasty good. Try a dill pickle martini sometime a verycold 3oz of vodka mixed with 4oz of ice-cold pickle juice. Green olives, kalamata olives, you name it. Le.Yum.

Water and Rehydration

Stupid as it sounds, the piss clear motto is a reminder, not a commandment. People have done waterintoxication on themselves on the playa, which is overconsuming water without retaining it. This is whythings like Gatorade exist.

Dont believe me? Drink 3 gallons of water in an hour and die. I wish I was kidding.

I prefer Hydralyte, personally a $12 tub of the stuff is terrific hydration stuff, mixes well with cold waterand gets your butt back in motion. Other supplements like Zipfizz help with caffeination and B12 vitaminreplenishment, but you need- Gatorade or the equivalent out there to replace your electrolytes if theyredepleted.

Overall? Eat what youre hungry for.

Do not worry about balanced meals. Worry more about consuming fiber, liquid, and salt enough to keepyou going. If you think youll plow through four pounds of salad in the first day, go for it; just remember theport-a-potties are almost ALWAYS well-distanced from wherever you are camping. (And if theyre not, just


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remember that even a block away is too close during the three-oclock sun). And if yoursystem does not react well to certain foods that you would take camping for a week,then make sure you pack Immodium.

WATER

If you dont bring at least fifteen gallons of water, STOP. GO BACK TO RENO. GO BACK TO KLAMATHFALLS. GET IT. Im not kidding. You can survive in the desert only with water. I usually bring 20 gallons,because Im lazy, people like having water, and I just keep sticking it places that I can find in the car thatarent yet occupied by other things. Water is simply one of those things that wont screw you up if youhave it with you, but will definitely screw you up if you dont.

If you have room in your vehicle, I suggest purchasing a five-gallon job site water cooler, filling it with ice,then dumping water into it until the ice floats. The ice will melt in the heat; and lo and behold, you havefresh, cold water to drink and you can drop your gallon purchase by 1/3.

ICE:

Yep, they sell ice at Burning Man. It now costs $3 for a bag of crushed ice; $15 for a six-pack. Its a goodidea to bring money for that reason. When your ice melts, it becomes water, which can make your playaarea a mucky, gucky mess. Bring a bucket to drain your ice water its helpful and keeps the playa mud-free. And if you keep your coolers clean, you can use the cooler water to fuel your playa shower.

FOOD LIST:

Keep in mind that I also live off of Burning Man food and the remainders of what I took to the playa for amonth. Plus I also feed damn near anyone in my camp, to the point of pouncing on them and shovingfood in their mouths. YOU WILL NOT NEED TO BRING THIS MUCH FOOD. In fact, cut this in half for afamily of four.

Tips: if youre not bringing an RV or microwave or setting up a kitchen, youll likely be eating out of cans

or packages of food. While its tempting to use your vehicle hood or other flat metal as a food warmer, itcan also backfire on you (literally). I wont explain the Sun Chicken incident of 2005, but the name aloneshould give you pause to this method of cooking.

I HIGHLY recommend if you do want heated food, to wrap premade food in foil and to heat it on apropane grill, disposing of your foil afterwards (in your Ziploc bag, of course!) Youll notice that on almostall the meats, I precook them. I dont like my food to take very long because I dont LIKE spending anhour making food. I like heating my portable grill up, slapping a few slabs of meat down, wolfing down thefood, and moving on. Easy!

Which means if I have cheese, I preslice and preshred. I do ALL the prep work at home. The only thing Idont prep is eggs but thats because I buy the carton of EggProduct and make my scrambled eggsfrom there, if at all (I cannot STAND eggs unless they're in cookies or as a holder of things like beans,

rice, tomato, jalapenos, etc). If I have ANYTHING thats food related that might need me to do more thanopen a Ziploc bag and dump it out onto something else, Ive not done my job right.

Canned versus bottles? Glass may look lovely. Glass may be nice. Glass is fucking heavy. Avoid glass,


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with or without liquid. It's also something you have to pack in and out, and believe me,the minute you wind up with a giant bag of broken glass, you have a bag of suck. Sure,this does mean you have to be picky about the whiskey you drink (or refuse to be, as the case may be)OR to be extremely careful to keep your glassware taken care of. You can apply this tip to your food andbeverage cups.

One final note on food before we go to the list: bring both Immodium A-D and Pepto-Bismol, as well asyour laxative of choice. Sounds silly, right? Not so much. Diarrhea and constipation will fuck your day infive minutes. So make sure you bring enough.

Frozen Food Cooler

4 burritos, frozen, foil-wrapped,cut in half in ziploc bag

4 lbs bacon, cooked to 80%,frozen. (Bake at 400 degreesin pan with lip, sponge offgrease, bag in Ziploc, freeze)

24 pancakes, 6", cooked to90%, frozen2 cans veggie chili

5lbs beefsteak, cooked to 80%,ziploced, frozen

1 beefstick, sliced thin1 pack frozen sausage patties2 lb sliced turkey lunchmeat

4 cans frozen pineapple juice4 cans frozen limeade

Poured into blocky sealablejug, frozen

2lb cheddar cheese, sliced1 lb sliced provolone

Laughing Cow cheesewheels (2)

*Note: I seal everything in plastic and keep anything that could leak via icewater towards the top of thecooler, away from where the water will congregate. I do this because I use the melted icewater from thecooler as my shower water, draining it into a five-gallon bucket and then using that as water to bathe with.Your Ziplocs should take care of most of this, but put your packaged food (pancakes, meats, takeout)towards the top and place the bottled stuff towards the bottom.

Dry Packaged food (with as much plastic and cardboard packing removed as possible, cannedgoods okay to not remove):

Condiments:Salt and PepperTapatioMustardSugar (cubes or crystal, 1lb)

Caffeine:Starbucks Via, 12pkInstant tea mix, lemonZipfizz/Zipshots 24pk

Snacks:Tortilla chipsSpray cheese (in a can) (4)Pickles (1 gallon)Olives (large jar)Crackers (3 boxes)Beef jerky (2)Peanut butter pretzelsTostitos cheese dip (can)Fritos bean dip (can)Sweet salsa

Candy:Green tea mintsOrbitz gumJolly RanchersSkittlesBlack licorice

Vitamins:Chewable Vitamin COmega-3 ChewiesB12 supplements5-htp supplements

Canned beverages:Hansen Fruit Smoothies (1 case)Gookinaid (one tub, 8 smallpack)

Frozen, In CoolerLemonade (2qt, x2)8 Snickers Bars (double-

Boozahols1 bottles cheap vodka (1.75l)2 bottles good whiskey (750)


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PBR in the can (24)Strongbow (12)Colas (12)V8, Spicy (12)

ziplocked, prefrozen, buriedin cooler)

1 bottles good rum (750)


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Fresh food (NOT FROZEN):

I usually stick all my fresh food in the beverage cooler. That way, I not only have it sitting right in front ofme, but can munch on an apple. And if my beer is cold, so is my apple.

Fruit:ApplesOrangesLimes

VeggiesAvocados / guacomoleLettuce shredsCucumbers

Breads:Sandwich breadPita pocketsEnglish muffins

Gear List

Kitchen:TableSkillet

SpongeCamp stoveWooden cutting boardbowl (metal)KnifeForksSpoons (or sporks!)Plastic pitcher with sealing topMetal martini shakerWater bottleLiquor flaskCan openerCorkscrewKettle

CleaningContractor bags (5mil)Cardboard box for burnables

Paper towelsSpray cleanerBaby wipesKitchen area tarp (8x8)Dr. Bronners SoapScrubby SpongeDishwash bins (2)

SanitationBaby wipes5-gallon cat litter bucketToilet paperNitrile or latex glovesZiploc bags

TentingTentTent tarp or groundcloth

Rebar stakes100 strong ropeShade structures (at least 1)Mattress pad / inflatableMattress pumpSleeping bags / beddingSheets (2)Pillows (2)Extra blanketCover sheetDropcloth or area rugsCamp chairsBattery-poweredlights/lantern

ToolsTrucker tie-down strapsRopeExtension cords6-plug outletsPliersCrowbarSledgehammerComfortable work glovesVehicle oilCar starter (or jumper cables)Bike lube

Hand cleanerBike lock (if bike brought)Bike light (if bike brought)

First Aid Kit (basic, add)Hand sanitizerMaxipadsCloth tapeSaline solutionImmodium A-DPepto BismolAleve

PersonalLED headlampSunscreen

Lip balmCameraCellphoneGoggles

MiscellaneousPersonal razor kitApple Cider vinegarFoot bath basinSunglasses (2pr)TowelsPortable showerTub for gray waterBandanna or headragsHatsBody ScrubbiesNasal spray

CondomsElectrical tapeCamelback or backpackCameraBooks


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Your bed

You may think youre going to rock all night and all day and sleep when youre dead, but the probability ofthat is pretty small. Its not uncommon to hit a wall of your own sleep deprivation and zonk out for twelve

hours straight. So make your sleeping zone as comfy as possible.

The playa is cold, lumpy, hard, and very dusty. You can sleep on it, but I dont recommend it. Ive slept indust, pup tents, under a truck, in the front seat of my car, in a palatial tent, in an RV and in a van. And Ican without a doubt assure you that each of these would be MUCH improved with more insulation andshade, and less roughing it.

You will get Jiffy-Popped the sun striking down in the morning, heating up the tent and rapidly makingyou leap out of the tent and sprawl anywhere that is NOT in your tent to escape the solar oven. Tomoderate that, place a shade structure over your tent with ventilation space between the two structures.Some people just go for a big structure and shade under it as well.

The cover sheet is essential if youre tent camping. Dust gets everywhere; but you can indeed clear it outby dropping a simple cheap cover sheet over your bed. You peel it back, climb in, and pass out. The nextday just pull it over yourself again. Dust storms seem to happen most during the day and not at night.

Kitchen

If you plan on cooking anything or doing any kind of prep work, set up your kitchen AFTER you set upyour tent. Move your coolers onto scraps of 2x4 off the playa and do the same with your food bins. Thiswill help reduce direct heat contact. You can also put a tablecloth over a table and stick your coolersunder it, which helps reduce sun heat.

Cleaning

Using the contractor bags to store your garbage is smart the bags are the stuff job sites use to clean upthings like wood scraps, nails, broken glass and ceramic, etc. Also, they hold a lot, and if you tie them upvery carefully can be hauled away outside of your vehicle when you leave no trace on your way out of theplaya. Nitrile gloves help in your mooping efforts, as well.

Having a cardboard box for your burnables (paper plates, napkins, paper towels soaked in bacon grease)helps with cleanup, too. Dont burn baby wipes, though they are in point of fact plastic and ergo, nasty.

Baby wipes are a Burner essential you can clean hands, face, body, dishes, tools, butts, armpits, andfreshen up at any time. Buy a giant stack. Youll use them. If you put them in a Ziploc bag, you can evenstick them in your cooler for a refreshing cleanse.

DO NOT PUT BABY WIPES IN THE PORTAPOTTIES. EVER.

Sanitation

It is a simple matter of playa life that when you gotta go, you GOTTA GO. Bringing one-ply toilet paper,


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hand sanitizer, baby wipes, nitrile gloves, and a big bucket of kitty litter is just makingsure you arent caught with your pants down, embarrassed.

Every so often a portapotty will be out of order for reasons of disgusting. Be prepared. Having your own gear that you can take into a clean portapotty that may be out of toilet paper but

otherwise serviceable is the best thing you can do.

As for the kitty litter

Kitty litter aint just for cats, you know. If gastrointestinal distress hits and you cant make it to theportapotty, a bucket of fresh kitty litter with a sealable lid that you can throw away at the end of the eventmakes a really good emergency poop or puke station. And you wont have to do the cleanup of shame.

WARNING:

DO NOT PUT ANYTHING OTHER THAN ONE-PLY AND BODY FLUIDS IN THE PORTAPOTTIES.

NO, SERIOUSLY. NO BABY WIPES. NO TURKEY CARCASSES. NO WATERMELONS. NO

CHARMIN ULTRA DOUBLE SOFT QUILTED ANTISEPTIC ENEMA BAGS.

If you gotta use a babywipe, take a gallon Ziploc baggie with you. Put the used babywipes into the Ziplocbaggie and seal it shut. Pack the Ziploc baggie out with you in your disgusting garbage sack (wet bananapeels, bandaids, other biohazard material, etc).

Why? Baby wipes gum up the portapotty maceration machines and completely screw it up. Nothing butone-ply and body fluids go into the portapotties, or you screw up the machines and make it impossible forthe company that services the portapotties to process any more material. Meaning if they shut downbecause your stupid baby wipe blows out their system, you and everyone else are gonna have to getreally, really good at holding it. And it will be all your fault, you dirty poopy babywipe dumper, you.

First Aid Kit

The Medical Stations are not your Band-Aid HQs, so carry a supply of stuff on your own. Also, its good tohave the more embarrassing meds with you so you dont have to walk over to the Med Units clutchingyour belly and begging for anti-diarrheal meds.

Emergency Gear:

Untapped credit cardSpare keysPhone numbers of familyMedical authorization formCamp Contact

These five things are damn near vital. I hope you never have to use them. Ever, but just in case, makesure you know where number one is stashed. Make sure numbers two through five are handed tosomeone you know and trust in your camp.

Clothing:


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Entirely subjective. People wear incredible outfits some days. I tend towards vest,shorts, shoes and kilts during the day. At night I go for suits and kilts and furry jackets.

Comfortable shoes for dancing, running, walking (all-in-one) that dont lace up if possible. Dont take anice new pair of boots youve never worn walking for ten miles. THAT IS DUMB.

Do not, under any circumstances, take shoes that are not comfortably broken-in, dont fit well, or arentcomfortable on your feet. Blisters will pop and get playa in them, become infected, painful to walk on, andwill cause no end of suffering. Dont do it. Limping is not sexy. Egg-sized water blisters are not sexyeither. Comfortable shoes you can walk for miles in without any kind of discomfort? AWESOME.

CLOTHING LIST:

SandalsSlip-on shoesComfortable bootsYoga pants16 pr socks (change twice a day)Comfortable shirts, vests

Underwear you don't mind walking around in public in (boxer briefs)UtilikiltKimono / robeJumpsuits (2)Pants, shirtsPodbelt or bandolierWarm jacket for night (can double as costume)Hat and scarf for daytime

I also keep one pair of shorts, underwear, socks and shirt ziplocked in my car so when I go home, I haveclean, non-stinky clothing to change into once my first shower is done.

It is NOT recommended to go barefoot on the playa. Playa dust is highly alkaline and if you go barefoot or

wear Teva sandals all the time youre likely to develop playa foot, which is basically a chemical burn onyour tootsies. To neutralize it, wash your feet in water with apple cider vinegar.

Personal Hygiene:

On personal hygiene: I shower every other day on playa, but I do it with ice-cold water. It never MEANSto happen that way, it just does. Shaving this way really REALLY sucks. Ive yet to find the perfectmethod.

Fingernails: Paint your fingernails. No, seriously. Painting your fingernails a color you like before you hitthe playa is an excellent idea. You will have dirt and grunge flying every which way and the nail polishacts as a barrier against the cracking that your skin is going through. Plus, if you paint your fingernails,nobody can see how filthy your fingernails actually are.

Sunblock: Every morning, put sunblock on. Or swathe yourself in sunblocking fabrics. You're at 6,000feet. You're going to be in pain and suffering if you get a sunburn. Lobstering is not an option. Bring aloevera and ibuprofen if you DO get sunburned...and remember, even if you do want to go get tanked early,


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it's best to smear it all up in the morning before you go anywhere.

For women or men with long hair, investing the time and energy in braids or extensions is an excellentway to keep your hair relatively neat and easy to control. The gypsum of the playa becomes the worldsbest hairstyling product, and will bond happily to your hair. Otherwise, just be aware that your hair willbecome a rats nest within a few hours. "Let it blow in the wind" is not a good hairdrying strategem. You

will look like you put your head through a gypsum wallboard.

I use body spray and baby wipes between days to keep clean and feeling relatively fresh, though Ive alsogone a full week without bathing at all. In both cases, the first shower you take will make you cringe athow bad you smell once you get home. Accept this, and decide what level of hygiene youre willing toaccept. Also be willing to accept the fact that you will STINK.

No idea how to take a low-water shower? Try it in the shower at home. You wet yourself down, lather upwith a scrubbie or a washcloth, then sluice down. Use only ONE gallon of water if you can. In either case,you have to dispose of your grey water one way or another. Theres TONS of information about graywaterdisposal on the playa which Im not terribly fascinated by. Go Google it!

GIRL STUFF ON THE PLAYA

I dont know anything at all about girl issues on the playa. This is something there is a whole host ofinformation on, and Im fully aware that women do bleed, especially out there and on vacation. However,Im also aware Im a single male. Not my realm of expertise. I bring maxipads to the Burn because theyare exceptionally absorbent and make for excellent gauze pads in the event of emergency. And byemergency, I mean The Monkey just slammed his leg into exposed rebar and is shrieking in pain asblood is dripping from his leg, theres no expensive gauze pads around, oh look, maxipads. The samemake good blister padding for feet. And frankly, sometimes also because sometimes friends just needone for the purpose for which they are intended. Talk to someone without a Y chromosome.

ENVIRONMENT

Setting up on the playa means setting up in an inhospitable environment. It is flat desert with talcumpowder. Using vehicles to block the wind and to stage stuff is a very good idea.

Take absolutely nothing you are not willing to lose. Have a favorite stuffed animal from childhood? Leaveit at home. A $10,000 computer? The same. Your $700 eiderdown survival gear parka? Bag it and send ithome. I once took home a $1,500 mountaineering tent that one day blew empty into my camp. Nobodyshowed up to claim it, and by the end of the week it was still just sitting there. Stuff goes away withoutwarning. Sometimes its just blown away by the time you get back.

Yeah, that. Trucker tie-downs, rebar, sledgehammers, and rope. If you have ANYTHING that blows in thewind, rebar it down. I keep my Costco garage structure up as unwieldy as it is for the simple reason thatits a solid metal structure and rarely blows over. Properly secured, they will remain standing in a 75MPHwind. And yep, Ive ridden out a 85MPH storm in a Costco carport before.

For my Costco garage shade structure, I take six chunks of solid iron bent in loops, six trucker ratchet-style tie downs, and secure the garage to the playa using the ratchet straps. Cross-braced like that, theonly way the thing is coming down is in a tornado. It also adds some protection to my van when I parkunderneath it from flying debris from other, less-secured camps. I avoid parachutes on the playa for one


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simple reason parachutes are designed to catch wind. Using something designed tocatch and hold wind as a shade structure in the middle of a windy desert sometimesmakes illogical sense, but people still do it.

Security

Security: again, anything truly valuable, leave locked in your car. You cannot buy anything at BurningMan other than coffee and ice. You dont need more than $80 for the week, and thats even just slinginghuge amounts of ice into your cooler and drinking coffee at center camp every day and every night.

Every year, people surf through camps looking for items of value that are easy to walk off with. A friend in2007 had a personal video camera she had brought, videotaping her entire experience, documenting theevent with the full intent of putting together a video of it for a project. The camera meant a lot to her, andon Friday night, someone came through her camp, unzipped her tent, and walked off with the camera.

Speaking of, getting a small padlock that fits between the zippers of your tent is a good thing if you haveanything valuable. Or lock it in your car.

Take spare keys to your vehicle and house. Dont take your mass of keys that you always takeeverywhere. Spend the extra $10 and get one cheap, unmarked set made, and leave your house keys athome.

The Little Things That Make Playa Life Nerve-Wracking

Do you know where youre camping? No? Of course not. Nobody does, really. So have your ticket ready.Get prepped early. Stake it out. Be friendly. Offer to help your neighbors, and be prepared to get hugs.Also be prepared to be welcomed home. A LOT.

Plan out WHAT youre going to do once you hit town. I can give you two examples: one group of peoplepulled in, set up, and had their entire home ready, got dressed and clothed and unpacked in two hours,then sailed off and came back happy and energetic. The next morning their co-pilot stumbled in with no

water, no backpack, massive dehydration and no place to crash, no ability to get to any of it because itwas all still packed in the car. Be prepped to get your unpack on, THEN go get your party on.

Notes on Leave No Trace Culture:

Burning Man is Leave No Trace. MOOP is shorthand for Matter Out Of Place. MOOP is why I bring latexgloves, extra Ziploc baggies, and garbage sacks wherever I go. Most people spend about two hourspicking stuff up out of the dust. Ive seen people literally pick out glitter from the playa, piece by shinypiece. Again, its a personal commitment that everyone is encouraged to do.

Following the Leave No Trace ethic means that I dont use regular soap on the playa; I use Dr. Bronnersliquid castile soap. I dont wash my hair with anything but organic conditioner (if I even have hair).

Keep in mind that you will see dark spots on the playa. This is where people have urinated. Theportapotties are far apart. Urination on the playa is legally acceptable, defecation is not. The Bureau ofLand Management will arrest you and cite you for pooping outside of a portapotty.


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Stopping Points:

Depending on your route, I suggest NOT pulling a straight-shot to the playa. I plan on either crashing atfamily houses or in hotels after an eight-hour run, then getting up early and driving to the next point. Thisyear, I plan on driving from Seattle to Klamath Falls or Alturas, sleeping in a hotel room, having breakfast,and arriving at 8 AM sharp on playa. Gas usually costs around $3.50 per gallon with a $.50 fluctuation in

the prices during the summer months, especially in the smaller towns en route. So if your vehicle gets 10MPG, you will spend roughly 2.5 the amount you would in a 25 MPG vehicle.

If youre coming from the north, fill up in Alturas, CA or Cedarville. Cedarville has one of the best family-run service stations Ive ever come across, but they are extremely limited in their ability to fix vehiclesand/or provide service.

It also depends on whos driving. Ive done straight-through runs before on my own, but I also know whento pull over and sleep for an hour. Adding time for the drive home is also important; leaving another 12hour window is vitally important. Dont assume you can drive all the way home Monday and get to workTuesday morning; you will likely have to pull over somewhere.

Carry a charged cell phone, the number of local tow truck companies, and sign making equipment that

can help you say, HELP BURNERS HELP in the event you break down.

The Monkeys Law of Carpool Travel: If traveling with people, add one hour for every person in the carfor starting off at the VERY least. Include hour at any meal stop per person for errands, groceryshopping, gas, etc. If you travel by yourself, that includes you.

Do not, under any circumstances, allow the driver to be egged into doing something that the driver isntcomfortable with. More vehicle blowouts, rollovers, and Stupid Shit happens because the passengersare either so excited to go or so want to get home that common sense bypasses healthy, safe driving.

Carry nothing illegal with you in the vehicle whatsoever that youre not willing to get busted for, especiallyif you plan on crossing the border to the US. For that matter, obey all state and local laws regardingspeeding. Do not speed. I honestly dont care if you get a ticket, but all routes to Gerlach are insanely

twisty and long, and the roads are nasty. Potholes that can and do flip your car are common. Deathshappen every year in the journey. Dont be one of them.

ARRIVAL:

The first rule of arrival is: arrive on time.

This is pretty oxymoronic, seeing as its entirely possible to lose three days without blinking at BurningMan. However, its the arrival on site that is the issue. As well as Exodus (the departure).

In years past the festival has allowed people through the front gates before Monday morning at 12:01 AM.That isnt happening any more. Arrive with your ticket in hand. If you have mixed early arrivals in your

vehicle and non-early arrivals, they have to wait at the front gate.

Let me be EXPLICIT: Do not expect that if you show up at a certain time, youll get in.


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Yeah, that means if only two people are on the early arrival list and you have five in thecar whose names arent on the list, everyone stays at the gate. Last year traffic backedup into Gerlach due to the lines to get into the event. That was (approximately) a fifteen-mile backup on asingle country lane of people and vehicles. BE PREPARED.

Be prepared to be stuck in the worst traffic of your life, spending nine hours in the line waiting to get in. Be

prepared to have water and snacks in the car; be prepared to pee in the bushes, be prepared to be hotand cranky and just want to GET IN. Think of this as a measure of your patience. Be prepared for this tohappen if youve planned beautifully and have arrived at the same time refreshed and brilliant andgloriously happy. Be prepared to run your air conditioner, to get dusty early, to spaz out with others in theline, and to be hooting madly. Be prepared for the gate guys to not know how to handle your specificrequest (the smooth running of a line with an easy check-in procedure is the way they like it).

If youre coming in early, be prepared to have your name on the list. Double-check to make sure you canget in early and that you qualify for setup. Make SURE you are on the list more than once, and confirmthat your name exists on a piece of paper somewhere.

And be prepared to be patient. Youll get in. You may not get in when you want to get in, but youll get in,and itll be awesome.

Also, be prepared to hand the greeters something fresh and cold. Its the desert; theyve been out here inthe heat. Anything ice-cold and delicious is always welcome.

One thing about Gate Culture: the Burning Man Gate crew loves to see you. They love to go through yourstuff. And then they love to see you not anywhere near them for the rest of the event. When you get to thegate, you need to turn off your engine and let them poke through your stuff. This is so people who want toskip paying for the ticket cant be snuck in. The first time youre stopped, you dont need to show yourticket; the second time youre stopped, you do.

SETUP:

If youre in a theme camp, your location is often marked out for you. If not, its first-come, first-served. Thisis where those flags and marking ribbon tape come in handy. If you have multiple friends coming withyou, organize your camp so that you make sure people have access to your area. If you do mark out azone, make sure youre going to use it. A good general rule is to claim ten feet by ten feet per person. Soif you have five people in your camp with independent space, mark off about fifty feet by ten feet. Twenty-five? Fifty by fifty. Most larger camps (200 or more) have space designated in a 200 by 250 foot space.

Who do you camp with? Anyone! You dont have to have an official camp to be on the grid. Most themecamps have addresses, though its a good idea to check on the map to find a good space for you andyour camp. Stay out of designated Theme Camp areas, though; moving your camp once its been set upis a MAJOR pain. And you will have to move it.

Make friends early if you see a perfect spot, check with the people camped around you, introduce

yourself, and ask if they need a hand with anything once youve got your gear going. Literally, the socialaspect of the event is the primary key to it. You may never see anyone again, but youre all here to havea great time.

Break out your water and snacks, your Camelback, sunscreen, hats, and shaded area FIRST. Not last.


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Not later. Or, if youre arriving at night, make sure your warm clothes and work gear areaccessible, including your headlamp. Even if youre in a rush to set up and go out andhave a blast, take care of yourself. If you start to feel hot, sit down and rest in whatever shade you can.

If you dont have something, ask. The standard joke, How many Burners does it take to change alightbulb? AH SHIT! I forgot the fucking lightbulbs! is there for a reason. Someone will have a lightbulb

just ask around.

Teardown and Exodus

Yep, all good things end. Pick a leave time when you want to be on the road. At any time, includingimmediately after the Burn, you will have up to a two hour journey out of the event on the main road.Budget for it. Exodus has been known to last for up to six hours from camp site to road. The radio stationstell you how long the wait is. Nows a good time to tear through your gear and find your clean clothes,spare babywipes, and prepare for the trek back to civilization.

Any leftover canned goods, unspoiled food, cigarettes, unopened beer and liquor can be dropped off atthe DPW way station on the way out of the event. What they do not use goes to food banks in the Renoand Gerlach area.

Trash and MOOP: if you brought it, you take it back out. Bring garbage bags for this exact reason. Thereis a recycling camp that recycles cans and some plastics, but this isnt the place to do all of your garbageneeds. Dont leave your trash on the side of the road, in a gas station garbage can, or at a rest area, andpick up as much of the garbage in your camp as you can. There are guides on how to pull rebar, stakes,and other embedded objects, but a pair of work gloves and a sturdy pair of pliers are the best tools.

Driving Home: Youll be exhausted, tired, dirty, smelly, with dust in your hair and on your feet. Sittingdown in your car, youll find playa dust everywhere, and youll likely just want to get home. Dont. Knowyour limits, know how fast you can drive, where you know you can stay, and how long youll be headedhome.

No, seriously. If youre exhausted, dont drive home. If youre still drunk, DONT DRIVE HOME. Pull overand take a nap. Its better to arrive a little late than not to arrive at all.

Sex, drugs, and rock and roll (or, in this case, really loud electronic music)

Sex happens out there. It is not entirely uncommon for people to simply walk up to you and propositionyou. Note the phrase, People. I have been propositioned by a married couple, two girls, a stiltwalker, anexceedingly obese man with a tiedyed beard, Its okay to ask. In point of fact, asking is the key.

Assume nothing out in the playa. Even if you see someone kissing four other people, do not assume thatits okay for you to kiss that person as well. Shoving your face in and trying to kiss them will be less well-received than, Hey, may I kiss you as well? This ethos extends to pretty much every sexual interaction.If someone says No or is so impaired they cannot say No, its assumed that its a No.

Keep in mind, however, that a polite query may result in a yes. Just be safe and cautious. The normalrules dont apply out here; but at the same time making sure you communicate what you want is almosteven MORE important here than in the default world.


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Chemical Alterations

Yep, theyre out there. Theyre being consumed, drunk, snorted, sold, traded, gifted, described, ascribed,lost, found, munched, crunched, and recreationally injected. If youre going to experiment withrecreational drug usage for the first time, its a bad idea to do it AT the event. Your body chemistry isdifferent and not knowing how your body and mind will react to a recreational substance can not only

endanger you, but endanger others. Know what youre taking before youre taking it, and know how itaffects you personally.

Also, remember that people really do take care of their own out there, but thats not a reason tooverindulge on whatever youre consuming and let people do what they will with you. Most of the time dowhat you will involves a trip to Charcoal Biscuit Land. Be careful about how much and how often youtake your recreational substance of choice.

For the purposes of this conversation, Im including all legal, quasi-legal, and restricted substances soldboth legitimately and illegitimately. The same rules to drinking vodka and snorting drugs apply out there doing it for the first time or doing it to excess both endangers you and endangers everyone around you.

One key and crucial difference: keep in mind that the event is being held on government land, with law

enforcement officers from Washcoe County, Pershing County, The Bureau of Land Management, NevadaState Patrol, and Gerlach sheriffs office. Undercover cops exist and WILL bust you if you are overt.

LEOs actually there for your protection, but they do try to send people in to bust people for illegal drugs.So in the event that you are asked by someone you dont know for illegal substances, its a best practiceto deny them, flat. No, sorry or I cant help you or No is the best way to describe them. Do you knowanyone who can? is another question the answer, again, is No.

Music

Ah yes. The music. If you require quiet, solitude and peace to sleep, bring 30db reduction earplugs andwear them. It goes 24/7. Art cars will drive by your camp at 3AM thumping Total Eclipse of the Heart.Sound camps run all day and all night thundering huge stacks of speakers. People is loud. Asking peopleto turn it down is like asking the wind not to blow. You might get lucky. You most likely will not.

Harassment, illegal behavior, or infringement

Tell someone. Anyone. Your safety is paramount. Burning Man is a sexy event; NOT a sex event. If youare bothered, harassed, or someone causes problems for you, you can and SHOULD tell them to stop.Being aware of your own personal boundaries is the key to making sure nothing happens to you. Mostpeople are aware, but there are always creeps in any society, of both genders and all ages. If peopledont ask permission, they dont have it. If you want to kiss someone, ask to do so. You may feel corny ashell and they might say no, but without permission, you have nothing.

If there is a major problem call the Black Rock Rangers. They are the mediators of the event, and liason

with the local law enforcement. And if there is a serious violation, the perps will be removed from theevent.

Keep your interactions polite with LEOs at all times. Remember that you have rights as a citizen that dont


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abrogate the minute you set foot in the dust. Also keep in mind that LEOs are a part ofthe Burning Man community as well. Believe it or not, theyre there to keep things safe.Thanking them for working the event goes a long way to building community trust.

If you are attacked, hit, or have anything else happen to you thats a violation, TELL SOMEONE. Gethelp. This is not an environment where nothing else happens. Crimes do happen, but the idea of fading

away doesnt. People are held accountable for their actions.

Yes, people run around naked, and those who do are comfortable with it. You dont have to, if youre not.Asking permission before you take a picture of someone is simply good courtesy. The goal is to have asafe environment for everyone to play in, and if someone gives you a creepy vibe and violates that trust,chances are if theyre not called on it, theyll do it again.

Burning Man Aftercare

You've piled everything into the back of your car and you're headed home. Once home, you wonder if it'sreally, really worth cleaning everything out.

Oh, trust me, it is.

Hopefully before you left you made your bed, had clothes set out, instant food in the fridge and a bottle ofwine ready to go. Your garbage is taken care of, your mail's had a hold on it, and everything you need todo is simply to unload your stuff out of the car.

I take my vehicle, once it's empty, to a car wash where they wash it inside and out, vacuum the hell out ofit, and detail the bits and pieces for around $50. You can do that too, or you can do it yourself, but Iusually do it because I don't want to deal with it. If you have a rental car, this is going to be something youneed to do BEFORE you take it back to the rental place; they'll charge you an insane amount of moneyotherwise.

Wipe down everything you have that you want to clean out with vinegar, NOT ammonia-based cleaner.(Remember, vinegar neutralizes the playa!)

Run all your clothes through the washer with vinegar once, then with vinegar again, and finally run itthrough with your regular washing detergent. While you're doing this, go buy some more underwear andsocks, because you'll probably have killed your socks and underwear supply by now.

As for your tent, camping gear, and everything else? Well, I sometimes recommend to people that ifthey're really attached to it, they can have a sporting goods store professionally clean it for them. Foreveryone else I just tell them to stick it in a garbage bag after a quick hose-down and dry-off. You won'twant to use most of your gear that's been to Burning Man for anything but Burning Man unless you reallyjust don't care about dusty and dirty stuff.

For your bike, a hose-down of it quickly followed up by a lube on all parts will help keep the parts fromrusting.

Burning Man Aftercare for YOU

You're going to come down off of the event and be a little disconnected for about a week afterwards. It'srare that people move straight from that environment to the default world without some kind of radical


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change in their lives, and it's going to feel a little disconcerting. DO NOT, under anycircumstances, do any of the following in the three weeks after the event:

- quit your job- break up with your significant other- move to Reno (or anywhere else, really)- get married- get divorced- sell all your possessions and enter a monastery

Many people get a bit of an event hangover, and it's perfectly fine; just remember that it's the hangoveraspect of the party. This may also be the point when you say to yourself, "NO WAY NEVER AGAIN NOTA CHANCE IN HELL" or wind up being so giddy you begin planning next year's event. That's cool too,just remember, you've got 364 days to do that in.

Finally, the most important thing of all:

THE EXPERIENCE

Burning Man is like nothing else on earth. It is a unique experience of utter desolation in the middle ofnowhere. If you are the first person on the desert, youll be struck at how empty the place is. There isnothing there. Its a blank slate. Then, slowly, a city is built. People arrive. They are noisy. They are funny.They are beautiful and ugly and kind and vicious, but they are still those people. And those people arewhat makes this event happen. And there are forty-five thousand of them, from everywhere. They paintthe desert in themselves for one week, and then fade away, like nothing was ever there.

The only thing I can explain about the playa is that it changes you in one way or another. Some radicallyalter their lives as part of their experience; others treat it as a weeks vacation to have an utter blast.Some realize their lifes potential. Some show up and run screaming in the opposite direction. But they allcome for one reason or another, and they all leave.

Knowing that the reality you live in that one week is different from the default world is something that most

people should know is both the curse and the blessing of the event.

Read the Survival Guide. Check out the Ten Principles of Burning Man. Be prepared to experiencesomething completely unique and completely American. I can safely say there is NOTHING that thisevent is like in the world today, as many imitators and inspiring events exist this is unique among allother events.

Its also nothing you can describe until someone has seen the blue moon rising over the playa and thesounds of the evening commencing, or riding the back of a giant dragon next to a seven-story tall Venusflytrap, while a man in a jellyfish costume that stretches for fifty feet in every direction dances on top of abarnacle. You may wake up intensely, sweetly, maniacally in love one morning, wish your lover well, andnever see them again.

Oh, and one more thing:


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Its just a week inthe desert.

So have fun.

And dont put baby wipes in the portapotties.

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