Tahereh mafi 2.5 fracture me

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Transcript of Tahereh mafi 2.5 fracture me

  • CONTENTS

    Chapter One

    Chapter Two

    Chapter Three

    Chapter Four

    Chapter Five

    Chapter Six

    Chapter Seven

    Chapter Eight

    Chapter Nine

    Chapter Ten

    Chapter Eleven

  • Chapter Twelve

    Chapter Thirteen

    Chapter Fourteen

    Chapter Fifteen

    Chapter Sixteen

    Excerpt from Ignite MeAbout the Author

    Books by Tahereh Mafi

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    Copyright

    About the Publisher

  • ONE

    Addie? Addie, wake up. AddieI roll over with a groan and stretch,

    rubbing both eyes with the heel of myhand. Its too early for this shit.

    AddieStill half asleep, I grab James by the

    collar and yank him down, shoving hishead under the blanket. He shouts and Ilaugh, wrapping him up in the sheetsuntil he cant get out.

    Stooooop iiiiiiit, he whines, littlefists pounding against the sheets.Addie, let me out

    Heyhow many times have I toldyou to stop calling me that?

  • James tries to punch me through theblanket. I pick him up and flip him overin my arms and he screams, his legskicking wildly.

    Youre so mean, he cries,wriggling around in my grip. If Kenjiwere here, he would never let y

    At that, I freeze, and James can feelit. He goes quiet in my arms, and I lethim go. He untangles himself from mysheets, and we stare at each other.

    James blinks. His bottom liptrembles and he bites down on it. Doyou know if hes okay?

    I shake my head.Kenji is still in the medical wing. No

    one knows for sure what happened yet,but people have been talking.

  • Whispering.I look toward the wall. James is still

    speaking, but Im too distracted to payattention.

    Its hard for me to believe Juliettecould hurt anyone like that.

    Everyone says hes gone, James issaying now.

    This, I catch.What? I turn back, alarmed.

    How?James shrugs. I dont know. They

    said he broke out of his room.What are you talking about? How

    could he break out of his room?James shrugs again. I dont think he

    wanted to be here anymore.Butwhat? I screw up my face,

    8

  • confused. Does that mean hes feelingbetter? Did someone tell you he wasfeeling better?

    James frowns. Did you want him tofeel better? I thought you didnt likehim.

    I sigh. Run a hand through the backof my hair. Of course I like him. I knowwe dont always get along, but its reallyclose quarters in here, and hes alwaysgot so many damn opinions

    James shoots me a strange look. So. . . you dont want to kill him? Yourealways saying you want to kill him.

    Im not serious when I say stuff likethat. I try not to roll my eyes. He and Ihave been friends for a long time. Imactually worried about him.

  • Okay, James says carefully.Youre weird, Addie.

    I cant help but laugh a little. Whyam I weird? And hey, stop calling meAddieyou know how much I hate that

    Yeah, and I still dont know why.He cuts me off. Mom always used tocall you Addie

    Well Moms dead, isnt she? Myvoice has gone hard. My hands areclenched. And when I see the look onJamess face, Im instantly sorry forbeing so harsh. I release my fists. Take adeep breath.

    James swallows hard. Sorry, hesays quietly.

    I nod, look away. Yeah. Me too. I

  • pull a shirt on over my head. SoKenjis gone then, huh? I cant believehed just leave like that.

    Why would Kenji be gone? Jamesasks. I thought you said you didnt evenknow if he w

    But I thought you saidWe stop. Stare at each other.James is the first to speak. I said

    Warner is gone. Everyone is saying heescaped last night.

    Just the sound of his name and Imalready pissed off. Stay here, I say,pointing at James and grabbing myboots.

    ButDont move until I get back! I

    shout before bolting out the door.

  • That bastard. I cant believe this.

    Im pounding on Castles door when Ianspots me on his way down the hall.

    Hes not in there, Ian says, stillwalking.

    I catch his arm. Is it true? DidWarner really get out?

    Ian sighs. Shoves his hands into hispockets. Finally, he nods.

    I want to put my fist through the wall.I gotta go suit up, Ian says,

    breaking away. And you should, too.Were heading out after breakfast.

    Are you serious? I say. Werestill heading out to fighteven with allthis shit going on?

    Of course we are, Ian snaps at me.

  • You know we cant wait any longer.The supreme isnt going to reschedulehis plans to launch an attack on thecivilians. Its too late to back out now.

    But what about Warner? I demand.Were not going to try and find him?

    Maybe. Ian shrugs. See if you canfind him on the battlefield.

    Jesus. Im so filled with rage I canhardly see straight. I could kill Castlefor letting this happenfor being sogoddamn soft with him

    Rein it in, man. Ian cuts me off.Weve got other problems. And heyhe grabs my shoulder, looks me in theeyeyoure not the only one whospissed at Castle. But nows not thetime.

  • I shake him off, shoot him a darklook, and charge back down the hall.

    James has all sorts of questions when Iget back, but Im still so angry Im notready to deal with him. It doesnt seemto matter; James is stubborn as hell. Imstrapping on holsters and locking myweapons into place and he wont backdown.

    But then what did he say? James isasking. After you said we should findWarner?

    I adjust my pants, tighten the laces onmy boots.

    James taps my arm. Adam. He tapsmy arm again. Did he know whereCastle was? Another tap. Did he say

  • what time you guys had to leave today?More tapping. Adam when are y

    I pick him up and he squeaks; I placehim in a far corner of the room.

    AddieI throw a blanket over his head.James shouts and struggles with the

    blanket until he manages to pull it offand throw it down. Hes red in the faceand his fists are clenched and hesfinally mad.

    I start laughing. I cant help it.James is so frustrated he has to spit

    the words out when he speaks. Kenjisaid that I have as much right to knowwhats happening down here aseveryone else. Kenji never gets madwhen I ask questions. He never ignores

  • me. Hes never mean to me, and yourebeing m-mean to me, and I dont like itwhen you l-laugh at me

    Jamess voice breaks, and its onlythen that I look up. I notice the tearsstreaked across his cheeks.

    Hey, I say, meeting him across theroom. Hey, hey. I grip his shoulders,drop to one knee. Whats going on?Why the tears? What happened?

    Youre leaving. James hiccups.Aw, cmon, I sigh. You knew I

    was leaving, remember? Rememberwhen we talked about this?

    Youre going to die. Anotherhiccup.

    I raise an eyebrow at him. I didntknow you could tell the future.

  • AddieHeyI dont call you Addie in front of

    anyone else! James says, protestingbefore I have a chance to. I dont knowwhy it makes you so mad. You said youloved it when Mom called you Addie.Why cant I?

    I sigh again as I get to my feet,mussing his hair on my way up. Jamesmakes a strangled sound and jerks away.Whats the problem? I ask. I pull upmy pants leg to attach a semiautomatic tothe holster underneath. Ive been asoldier for a long time now. Youvealways known the risks. Whats differentall of a sudden?

    James is quiet long enough for me to

  • notice. I look up.I want to come with you, he says,

    wiping his nose with a shaky hand. Iwant to fight, too.

    My body goes rigid. Were nothaving that conversation again.

    But Kenji saidI dont give a rats ass what Kenji

    said! You are a ten-year-old child, Isay. You are not fighting in any war.Not walking onto any battlefield. Do youunderstand me?

    James stares at me.I said, Do you understand me? I

    walk right up to him, grab his arms.James flinches a little. Yes, he

    whispers.Yes, what?

  • Yes, sir, he says, staring at theground now.

    Im breathing so hard my chest isheaving. Never again, I say quietlynow. We are never having thisconversation. Not ever again.

    Okay, Addie.I swallow hard.Im sorry, Addie.Get your shoes on. I stare at the

    wall. Its time for breakfast.

  • TWO

    Hi.Juliette is standing next to my table,

    staring at me like she might be nervous.Like weve never done this before.

    Hey, I say.Just seeing her face still makes my

    chest ache, but the truth is, I have no ideawhats going on between us anymore. Ipromised her I would find a way throughthisand Ive been training like hell, Ireally havebut after last night, Im notgonna lie: Im a little freaked out.Touching her is more serious than I everthought it was.

    She couldve killed Kenji. Im still

  • not sure she hasnt.But even after all this, I still want a

    future with her. I want to know that oneday well be able to settle somewheresafe and be together in peace. Im notready to give up on that dream yet. Imnot ready to give up on us.

    I nod at an empty seat. You want tosit down?

    She does.We sit in silence a little while, her

    poking at her food, me at mine. Weusually eat the same thing everymorning: a spoonful of rice, a bowl ofvegetable broth, a chunk of rock-hardbread, and, on good days, a little cup ofpudding. Its not amazing, but it gets thejob done, and were usually grateful for

  • it. But today neither one of us seems tohave an appetite.

    Or a voice.I sigh and look away. I dont know

    why its so hard to talk to her thismorningmaybe its the lack of Kenjibut things feel different between uslately. I want to be with her so badly, butbeing with her has never felt moredangerous than it does now. Every daywe feel further apart. And sometimes Ithink the harder I try to hold on, the moreshe tries to break away.

    I wish James would hurry up andgrab his breakfast. Having him heremight make this easier. I sit up and lookaround the room, only to spot him talkingwith a group of his friends. I try to wave

  • him over, but hes laughing at somethingand doesnt even notice me. The kid iskind of amazing. Hes such a social guyand so popular around herethatsometimes I wonder where he got itfrom. In many ways hes the exactopposite of me. He likes to let a lot ofpeople in; I like to keep most people out.

    Juliettes the only real exception tothat rule.

    I look back at her and notice the redrims around her eyes as they dart acrossthe dining hall. She looks both wideawake and crazy tired and she cantseem to sit still; her foot is tapping fastunder the table and her hands aretrembling a little.

    Hey are you okay? I ask.

  • Yes, absolutely, she says tooquickly. But shes shaking her head.

    Did you, um, get enough sleep lastnight?

    Yes, she says, repeating the worda few times. She does that occasionallyrepeats the same word over and overagain. Im not sure shes even aware ofit.

    Did you sleep well? she asks. Herfingers drum against the table, thenagainst her arms. She keeps glancingaround the room. She doesnt even waitfor me to respond before she says,Have you heard anything about Kenjiyet?

    Thats when I understand.Of course shes not okay. Of course

  • she didnt get any sleep last night. Lastnight she almost killed one of her closestfriends. Shed just started trustingherself and not being afraid of herself;now shes back to where she started.Shit. Im already sorry I even brought itup.

    No, not yet. I cringe. But, I say,hoping to change the subject, I haveheard that people are pretty pissed atCastle about what happened withWarner. I clear my throat. Did youhear about him breaking out of here?

    Juliette drops her spoon.It clatters to the floor and she doesnt

    seem to notice. Yes, she says quietly.Shes blinking at her water cup, holdingher napkin in her hands, folding and

  • refolding it. People were talking aboutit in the halls. Do they know how heescaped?

    I dont think so. I frown at her.Oh. She says that a few times, too.She sounds strange. Scared, even.

    Juliette has always been a little differentfrom everyone elseshe was like acrazed, skittish kitten when I first sawher in that cellbut shed been getting alot better over the last few months. Onceshe finally started trusting me, thingschanged. She evolved. She startedtalking (and eating) more and even got alittle cocky. I loved seeing her comeback to life. I loved being with her,watching her find herself.

    I think this experience with Kenji

  • really set her back.I can tell shes only halfway here,

    because her eyes are unfocused and herhands are moving mechanically. Shedoes this a lot. Its like sometimes shejust disappears, retreats into a corner ofher brain and stays there awhile, thinkingabout something shell never talk about.Shes acting a lot like her old self rightnow, and right now shes eating the coldrice on her plate one grain at a time,counting each bite under her breath.

    Im about to try speaking to her againwhen James finally comes back to thetable. I stand up immediately, gratefulfor the opportunity to shake off theawkward. Hey buddywhy dont wego have a proper good-bye?

  • Oh, James says, sliding his trayonto the table. Okay, sure. He glancesat me before glancing at Juliette, whosnow chewing a grain of rice verycarefully.

    Hi, he says to her.Juliette blinks a few times, her face

    breaking into a wide smile the momentshe notices him. It changes her, thosesmiles. And those are the moments thatkill me a little.

    Hi, she says, so happy so suddenlyyoud think James had hung the moon forher. How are you? Did you sleep well?Would you like to sit down? I was justhaving some rice; would you like somerice?

    James is already blushing. Hed

  • probably eat his own hair if she askedhim to. I roll my eyes and drag himaway, telling Juliette well be rightback.

    She nods. I look over my shoulder aswe walk away and notice that shedoesnt seem to mind sitting alone for alittle while. She stabs at something onher plate and misses, and thats the last Isee of her before we turn the corner.

  • THREE

    Whats going on? Why do we need totalk? More questions from James. Hesa freaking question machine. Iseverything okay? Can you tell Juliettenot to eat my breakfast? He cranes hisneck to catch a glimpse of her, stillsitting at the table. Sometimes she eatsmy pudding.

    Hey, I say, grabbing hold of hisshoulders. Look at me.

    James turns to face me. Whatswrong, Addie? He searches my eyes.Youre not really going to die, areyou?

    I dont know, I tell him. Maybe,

  • maybe not.Dont say that, he says quietly,

    dropping his gaze. Dont say that. Itsnot nice to talk like that.

    James.He looks up again, slowly this time.I drop to my knees and pull him

    close, resting my forehead against his.Im staring at the floor, and I know he is,too. I can hear our hearts racing in thesilence.

    I love you, I finally say to him.You know that, right? You alwayscome first. Everything I do is to takecare of you. To protect you. To providefor you.

    James nods.Its you first, I say to him. Its

  • always you first and everyone elsesecond. And thats never going tochange. Okay?

    James nods again. A tear falls on thefloor between us. Okay, Addie.

    Come here, I whisper, tugging himinto my arms. Were going to be okay.

    James clings to me, acting more likea child than he has in a long time, andIm happy to see it. Sometimes I worryhes growing up way too fast in thisshitty world, and though I know I cantprotect him from everything, I still try.Hes been the only constant in my lifefor as long as I can remember; I thinkitd rip me apart if anything happened tohim.

    Ill never love anyone the way I love

  • this kid.

  • FOUR

    After breakfast, the dining hall ispractically empty. James had to report tothe Safe Room with the other kidsandthe elderlystaying behind, andeveryone else is getting ready to headout. Some families are still saying finalgood-byes. Juliette and I have beenavoiding eye contact for a few minutesnow. Shes staring at her hands, studyingher fingers like shes checking to makesure theyre still there.

    Well damn. Who died?Holy hell. That voice. That face.Impossible.Holy crap. Holy shit. Im on my

  • feet.Good to see you too, Kent. Kenji

    smiles wide and nods at me. He lookslike hell. Tired eyes, pale face, handsshaking just a little as he holds on to thetable. And whats worse is that hesalready suited uplike he actuallythinks hes heading out onto thebattlefield. You ready to kick some asstoday?

    Im still staring at him in amazement,trying to find a way to respond, whenJuliette jumps up and practically tackleshim. Just a hug, really, but yikes.

    A little too soon for that, I think.Whoaheythank you, yeah

    thatsuh Kenji clears his throat. Hetries to be nice about it, but its clear

  • hes trying to back away from Juliette,and yeah, she notices. Her face falls andshe goes pale, her eyes wide. She hidesher hands behind her back, even thoughshes wearing her gloves. Theres reallyno obvious threat to Kenji right now, butI understand his hesitation.

    The dude almost died. He tried tobreak up a fight at the same time Juliettedid, and bam, he went down in aninstant. It was scary as helland eventhough I know Juliette didnt mean to doit, theres really no other explanation. Ithad to have been her.

    Yeah, um, maybe you should holdoff on touching me for a little while,yeah? Kenji is smilingagain, nice guybut no ones buying it. Im not too

  • steady on my feet just yet.Juliette looks so mortified it breaks

    my heart. Shes trying so hard to be okayto make all this shit be okaybutsometimes its like the world just wontlet her. The hits keep coming, and shekeeps hurting. I hate it.

    I have to say something.It wasnt her, I say to Kenji. I

    shoot him a sharp look. Leave her alone,I mouth. You know she didnt eventouch you.

    I dont know that, actually, Kenjisays, ignoring my more subtle hints tochange the subject. And its not like Imblaming herIm just saying maybeshes projecting and doesnt know it,okay? Because last I checked, I dont

  • think we have any other explanations forwhat happened last night. It sure as hellwasnt you, he says to me, and shit, forall we know, Warner being able to touchJuliette could just be a fluke. We dontknow anything about him yet. A pause.Right? Unless Warner pulled some kindof magical rabbit out of his ass while Iwas busy being dead last night?

    I frown. Look away.Right, Kenji says. Thats what I

    thought. So. I think its best if, unlessabsolutely necessary, I stay away. Heturns to Juliette. Right? No offense,right? I mean I did nearly just die. I thinkyou could cut me some slack.

    Yeah, of course, Juliette saysquietly. She tries to laugh but it comes

  • out all wrong. I wish I could reach forher; I wish I could wrap her up in myarms. I want to protect herI want to beable to take care of her, but that seemsimpossible now.

    So anyway, Kenji says. When arewe leaving?

    That gets my attention.Youre insane, I say to him.

    Youre not going anywhere.Bullshit Im not.You can barely stand up on your

    own!Id rather die out there than sit in

    here like some kind of idiot.Kenji, Juliette tries to say.Heeeeey, so I heard through the

    very loud grapevine that Warner got his

  • ass the hell out of here last night. Kenjilooks at us. Whats that about?

    Yeah, I say, my mood darkening.Who even knows. I never thought it wasa good idea to keep him hostage here. Itwas an even stupider idea to trust him.

    Kenji raises an eyebrow. So firstyou insult my idea, and then you insultCastles, huh?

    They were bad calls, I say to him,refusing to back down. Bad ideas. Nowwe have to pay for it. It was Kenjisidea to take Warner hostage, andCastles idea to let him out of his room.And now were all suffering. SometimesI think this whole movement is led by abunch of idiots.

    Well how was I supposed to know

  • Anderson would be so willing to let hisown son rot in hell?

    I wince involuntarily.The reminder of my father and what

    hed be willing to do to his own son istoo much for me this morning. I swallowback the bile inching up my throat.

    Kenji notices. Oh, heyIm sorrymanI didnt mean to say it like that

    Forget it, I say to him. Im gladKenjis not dead, but sometimes all Ireally want to do is kick his ass. Maybeyou should get back to the medical wing.Were leaving soon.

    Im not going anywhere but out ofhere.

    Kenji please Juliette again.Nope.

  • Youre being unreasonable. Thisisnt a joke, she says to him. Peopleare going to die today.

    Kenji laughs at her. Im sorry, areyou trying to teach me about the realitiesof war? He shakes his head. Are youforgetting that I was a soldier inWarners army? Do you have any ideahow much crazy shit weve seen? Hegestures to me. I know exactly what toexpect today. Warner was insane. IfAnderson is even twice as bad as hisson, then we are diving right into abloodbath. I cant leave you guyshanging like that.

    Juliette is frozen, her lips just parted,her eyes wide and horrified. Herreaction feels a little exaggerated.

  • Theres definitely something wrongwith her today.

    I know part of what shes feeling hasto do with Kenji, but suddenly Im notsure if there isnt something else.Something shes not telling me.

    I cant read her clearly.Then again, I feel like I havent been

    able to read her clearly for a while now.Was he really that bad . . . ?

    Juliette asks.Who? Kenji and I ask at the same

    time.Warner, she says. Was he really

    that ruthless?God, shes so obsessed with him.

    She has some weird fascination with histwisted life that I dont understand, and

  • it makes me crazy. I can already feelmyself getting angry, annoyedjealous,evenwhich is ridiculous. Warner isnteven human; I shouldnt be comparingmyself to him. Besides, shes not histype at all. Hed probably eat her alive.

    Kenji, however, doesnt seem tohave my problem. Hes laughing so hardhes practically wheezing. Ruthless?Juliette, the guy is sick. Hes an animal. Idont think he even knows what it meansto be human. If theres a hell out there,Im guessing it was designed especiallyfor him.

    I catch a glimpse of Juliettes facejust before I hear a rush of footstepscharging down the hall. We all glance atone another, but I look at Juliette for a

  • second longer, wishing I could read hermind. I have no idea what shes thinkingor why she still looks so horrified. Iwant to talk to her in privatefind outwhats going onbut then Kenji nods atme, and I know I have to clear my head.

    Its time to go.We all get to our feet.Heyso, does Castle know what

    youre doing? I ask Kenji. I dont thinkhed be okay with you going out theretoday.

    Castle wants me to be happy,Kenji says. And I wont be happy if Istay here. Ive got work to do. People tosave. Ladies to impress. Hed respectthat.

    What about everyone else? Juliette

  • asks him. Everyone was so worriedabout youhave you even seen themyet? To at least tell them youre okay?

    Nah, Kenji says. Theydprobably shit a brick if they knew I wasgoing up. I thought itd be safer to keep itquiet. I dont want to freak anyone out.And Sonya and Sarapoor kidstheyre passed the hell out. Its my faulttheyre so exhausted, and theyre stilltalking about heading out today. Theywant to fight even though theyre goingto have a lot of work to do once weredone with Andersons army. Ive beentrying to convince them to stay here, butthey can be so damn stubborn. They needto save their strength, he says, andtheyve already wasted too much of it on

  • me.Its not a waste, she says.Anywaaay, Kenji says. Can we

    please get going? I know youre allabout hunting down Anderson, he saysto me, but personally? I would love tocatch Warner. Put a bullet through thatworthless piece of crap and be donewith it.

    Im about to laughfinally, someonewho agrees with mewhen I seeJuliette double over. She steadiesherself quickly enough, but shesblinking fast and breathing hard, eyes upat the ceiling.

    Heyyou okay? I pull her to theside and study her face. She scares theshit out of me sometimes. I worry about

  • her almost as much as I do about James.Im okay, she says too many times.

    Nodding and shaking her head over andover again. I just didnt get enoughsleep last night, but Ill be fine.

    I hesitate. Are you sure?Im positive, she says. And then

    she grabs my shirt, eyes wild. Heyjust be careful out there, okay?

    I nod, more confused by the second.Yeah. You too.

    Lets go lets go lets go! Kenjiinterrupts us. Today is our day to die,ladies.

    I relax and shove him a little. Itsnice to have him around to break up themonotony in this place.

    Kenji punches me in the arm. So

  • now youre abusing the crippled kid,huh?

    I laugh, flip him off.Save your angst for the battlefield,

    bro. He grins. Youre going to needit.

  • FIVE

    Its raining like hell.Its cold and wet and muddy and

    shitty and I hate this. I scowl at Kenjiand Juliette, jealous of their fancy suits.Those things are built to give themprotection from this crazy winterweather. I shouldve asked for one.

    Im already freezing my ass off.Were at the clearing, the barren

    stretch at the entrance of Omega Point,and most everyone else has scattered.Our only defense is guerrilla warfare, soweve been divided into groups. Me; anill, barely-able-to-walk-straight Kenji;and Juliette (whos officially locked

  • herself in her own head today)this isour team.

    Yeah, Im definitely worried.Anyway, at least Kenji is doing his

    thing: were already invisible. But nowits time to find the action and join in.The sound of gunshots rings out loud andclear, so weve already got a directionto move in. No one speaks, but wealready know the rules: we fight toprotect the innocent, and we fight tosurvive. Thats it.

    The rain is really messing things up,though. Its falling harder and fasternow, pelting me in the face and blurringmy vision. I can hardly see straight. I tryto wipe the water from my eyes but itsno use. Theres too much.

  • I do know were getting closer to thecompounds, so at least theres that. Theoutline of the buildings comes into focusand I feel myself getting excited. Imarmed to the teeth and ready to fightready to do whatever is necessary totake down The ReestablishmentbutIm not gonna lie: Im still a littleworried weve got a handicap.

    Juliette has never done this before.If it were up to me, shed be back on

    base with James where I know shed besafe, but she wouldnt listen to me evenif I asked her to. Kenji and Castle arealways blowing smoke up her ass whenthey shouldnt, and honestly? Itsdangerous. Its not good to make herthink she can do this kind of thing when

  • really, itll probably get her killed.Shes not a soldier; she doesnt knowhow to fight; and she has no idea how touse her powers, not really, which makesthings even worse. Its basically likegiving a toddler a stick of dynamite andtelling him to walk into a fire.

    So yeah, Im worried. Im reallyworried something is going to happen toher. And maybe to us, by extension.

    But no one ever listens to me, sohere we are.

    I sigh and forge ahead, irritated, untilI hear a piercing scream in the distance.High alert. Kenji squeezes my hand and Isqueeze back to let him know Iunderstand.

    The compounds are straight ahead,

  • and Kenji pulls us forward until werestanding flush against the back wall of aunit. Theres just enough overhang fromthe roof to keep the rain off. Its just myshitty luck that were doing this on arainy day. My clothes are so wet I feellike Ive pissed my pants.

    Kenji elbows me, just a little, andIm paying attention again. I hear thesound of a door slam open and I gorigid; I reach for my gun automatically. Itfeels like Ive been through this amillion times before, but its neversomething I get used to.

    This is the last of them, a voiceshouts. She was hiding out over here.

    A soldier is dragging a woman out ofher home and she wont stop screaming.

  • My heart speeds up, and I grip my gunmore tightly. Its sick, the way some ofthe soldiers treat the civilians. I get thathes under ordersI really dobut thepoor woman is begging for mercy andhes dragging her by the hair andshouting at her to shut up.

    Kenji is barely breathing next to me.I glance Juliettes way before I realizewere still invisible, and as I turn myhead, I catch a glimpse of anothersoldier. He jogs over from across thefield and shoots the first guy a signal.Not the kind of signal I was hoping for.

    Shit.Toss her in with everyone else, the

    other soldier is saying now. And thenwell call this area clear. Suddenly

  • hes gone, around the corner, and noones left but us, one soldier, and thelady hes holding hostage. Other soldiersmustve rounded up the remainingcivilians before we got here.

    Then the woman loses it. Shescompletely hysterical and doesnt seemto be in control of her body anymore.Shes gone totally animal, screechingand clawing and flailing, tripping overher own feet. Shes asking after herhusband and her daughter and I almosthave to close my eyes. Its hard to watchthis stuff when I already know whatsgoing to happen. War never gets easierwhen you dont agree with whats goingon. Sometimes I let myself get excitedabout going to battleI have to

  • convince myself Im doing somethingworthwhilebut fighting another soldieris way easier than dealing with somelady whos about to watch her daughterget shot in the head.

    Juliette will probably puke.The action is so close to us now that

    I instinctively press my back into thewall, forgetting again that wereinvisible. The soldier grabs the lady andslams her body against the outside of theunit, and I feel the three of uscollectively freak out for a second,calming down just in time to watch thesoldier press the barrel of his gun to theladys neck and say, If you dont shutup Ill shoot you right now. What anasshole.

  • The lady faints.The soldier doesnt seem to care. He

    pulls her out of sightin the samedirection his comrade wentand thatsour cue to follow. I can hear Kenjicursing under his breath. Hes got a softstomach, that guy. He was always softwhen it came to this stuff. I met him forthe first time on one of our rounds; whenwe came back, Kenji lost his shit. Justcompletely lost it. They put him insolitary confinement for a little while,and after that he kept his emotionalbreakdowns to a minimum. Mostsoldiers know better than to complainout loud. I shouldve known then thatKenji wasnt really one of us.

    I shudder against the cold.

  • Were still following the soldier, butits hard to stay too close to him in thisweather. Visibility is shot, and the windis blowing the rain around so hard itsalmost like were trapped in a hurricane.This is going to get ugly really quickly.

    Then, a small voice: What do youthink is going on?

    Juliette.Of course she has no idea whats

    happeningwhy would she?The smart thing to do would be to

    hide her somewhere. Keep her safe. Outof danger. A weak link can bringeverything down with it, and I dontthink this is the time to be takingchances. But Kenji, as usual, doesntseem to agree. Apparently he doesnt

  • mind making time to give Juliette atutorial on being at war in Sector 45.

    Theyre herding them up, Kenjiexplains. Theyre creating groups ofpeople to kill all at once.

    The woman, Juliette says.Yeah. Kenji cuts her off. Yeah,

    Kenji says again. She and whoever elsethey think might be connected to theprotests, he says. They dont just killthe inciters. They kill the friends and thefamily members, too. Its the best way tokeep people in line. It never fails toscare the shit out of the few left alive.

    I have to jump in before Juliette asksany more questions. Those soldiersarent going to wait patiently for us toget therewe have to make a move

  • now, and we need a plan. There has tobe a way to get them out of there, I say.Maybe we can take out the soldiers incharge

    Yeah but listen, you guys know Imgoing to have to let go of you, right?Kenji asks. Im already kind of losingstrength; my energy is fading faster thannormal. So youll be visible. Youll be aclearer target.

    But what other choice do wehave? Juliette asks.

    Shes like the second coming ofJames. I feel for my gun, flexing andunflexing my fingers around it. We needto get going.

    We need to move now.We could try to take them out

  • sniper-style, Kenji says. We donthave to engage in direct combat. Wehave that option. He pauses. Juliette,youve never been in this kind ofsituation before. I want you to know Idrespect your decision to stay out of thedirect line of fire. Not everyone canstomach what we might see if we followthose soldiers. Theres no shame orblame in that.

    Yes. Good. Let her stay behindwhere she wont get hurt.

    Ill be okay, she says.I swear under my breath.Justall rightbut dont be afraid

    to use your abilities to defend yourself,Kenji says. He seems a little nervousabout her, too. I know youre all weird

  • about not wanting to hurt people orwhatever, but these guys arent messingaround. They will try to kill you.

    Right, Juliette says. Yeah. Letsgo.

  • SIX

    Juliette shouldnt have to see this.Six soldiers have rounded up almost

    thirty civiliansa mix of men, women,and childrenand theyre going to killthem. Its basically a firing squad.Theyll just go down the row, pop poppop, and then drag the dead bodiesaway. Put them into an incinerator.Clean it up, nice and simple.

    Its disgusting.Im not sure what the soldiers are

    waiting for, though. Maybe they needfinal approval from somewhere, buttheres a slight delay as they talkamongst themselves. Its raining really

  • freaking hard, so that might havesomething to do with it. Honestly, theymight not even be able to see wheretheyre shooting. We should be takingadvantage of this opportunity. Thisweather might end up helping us out inthe end.

    I squint against the rain and take acloser look at the people, trying hard notto lose my head. Theyre not doing toowell, and Im not either, to be honest.Some are pretty hysterical, and it makesme wonder how I would do in asituation like that. Maybe Id be like thatguy in the middle, standing there withabsolutely no expression on his face. Helooks almost like hes accepted whatsgoing to happen, and somehow, his

  • certainty hits me even harder than thetears.

    A shot rings out.Dammit.A guy on the far left falls to the

    ground and Im shaking with anger.These people need our help. We cantjust hang back and watch thirty unarmed,innocent people get killed when wecould find a way to save them. Weresupposed to be doing something, butwere standing here for some bullshitreason I cant understand becauseJuliette is scared or Kenji is sick and Iguess the truth is were just a bunch ofcrappy teenagers, two of whom canbarely stand up straight or fire aweapon, and its unacceptable. Im just

  • about to say somethingIm about toyell something, actuallywhen Kenjilets go of my hand.

    About goddamn time.We charge straight ahead and my gun

    is already up and aimed. I spot thesoldier who fired the first shot and Iknow I need to fire; theres no room forhesitation. I get lucky: he goes downinstantly. Five more soldiers to take outsoldiers Im hoping I wont recognizeand Im doing my best, but its noteasy. It was pure luck that got me thatfirst target; its almost impossible toshoot well in this weather. I can barelysee where Im going, much less whereIm shooting, but I drop to the groundjust in time to avoid a stray bullet. At

  • least the rain is making it hard for themto take us out, too.

    Kenji is making miracles happentoday.

    Hes invisible now, and workingfast. Hes staying sharp despite beinginjured, and hes just a part of the wind,taking out three soldiers in one go. Twosoldiers are left and theyre distractedby Kenjis dance just long enough for meto take one down. One more left and Imabout to take him out, too, when I seeJuliette shoot him from behind.

    Not bad.Kenji reappears just then and he

    starts bellowing for the civilians tofollow us back to shelter, and Julietteand I join in, doing what we can to get

  • them to safety as quickly as possible.There are a few compounds stillstanding, and they should be enough. Thecivilians can get inside and away fromthe battleas well as the storm brewingin the sky. And even though theirgratitude is touching, we cant stop longenough to talk to them. We have to settlethem back into their homes, and thenkeep moving.

    Its what Ive always done.Always keep moving.I glance at Juliette as we run,

    wondering how shes holding up, and fora second Im confused; I cant tell ifshes crying or if its just the rainstreaking down her cheeks. Im hopingshell be okay, though. It kills me to see

  • her deal with this. I wish she didnt haveto.

    Were running again, chargingthrough the compounds now that wevegotten the civilians back into theirhomes. This was just a stop on the wayto our final destination; we havent evenreached the battlefield yet, where Pointmen and women are already trying tokeep Reestablishment soldiers fromslaughtering innocent civilians. Thingsare about to get much, much worse.

    Kenji is pulling us through the half-demolished landscape. I know weregetting closer to the action now becausetheres so much more devastation here:units falling apart and half on fire, theircontents strewn everywhere. Ripped

  • couches and broken lamps, clothes andshoes and fallen bodies to step over. Thecompounds feel like they could stretchon forever, and the farther we go, theuglier it gets.

    Were close! I shout to Kenji.He nods, and Im surprised he even

    heard me.I hear a familiar sound. Tanks! I

    call out to him. You hear that?Kenji shoots me a bleak look and

    nods. Lets move! he says, making amotion with his hand. Were not farnow!

    Its a fight to get to the fight, thewind whistling hard in our ears andslapping sharply against our faces, angryraindrops pelting our skin, soaking our

  • hair. Im frozen to the bone but theresno time to be bothered by it. Ive gotadrenaline, and thatll have to be enoughfor now.

    The earth shakes under our feet as aharsh, booming sound explodes in thesky. In an instant the horizon is lit onfire, flames roaring in the distance.Someone is dropping bombs, and thatmeans were already screwed. My heartis beating fast and hard, and Id neveradmit it out loud, but Im starting to getnervous.

    I glance at Juliette again. I knowshes probably scared, and I want toreassure herto tell her everything isgoing to be okaybut she doesnt lookmy way. Shes in another world, her

  • eyes cold and sharp, focused on the firein the distance. She looks differentalittle scary, even. Somehow, thatworries me even more.

    Im paying such close attention to herthat I almost trip; the ground is slickunderfoot and Im up to my ankles inmud. I pull my legs free as we forgeahead, gun steady in my hands, andfocus. This is it. This is where its allabout to get very serious, and I knowenough about war to be honest withmyself: I might walk onto that battlefieldwith a beating heart and be dragged offwith a dead one.

    I take a deep breath as we approach,three invisible kids walking through thecompounds. We make our way over

  • fallen units, broken glass from shatteredwindows; we sidestep the garbagestrewn about and try not to hear thesound of people screaming. And I dontknow about the rest of us, but Im doingmy best to fight the urge to turn aroundand run back to where we started.

    Suddenly James is the only personon my mind.

  • SEVEN

    Shit.This is even worse than I was

    expecting. There are fallen bodieseverywhere, collapsed and piledtogether and bleeding into one another.Its almost impossible to distinguisharms from legs, enemies from allies.Blood and rain are mixing together andflooding the ground, and suddenly myboots are slick with mud and the bloodof someone elsedead or alive, I dontknow.

    It takes just a split second for enemycombatants to realize were new to thebattlefield; when they do, they dont

  • hesitate. Were already under siege, andI glance back just in time to catch aglimpse of Juliette and Kenji stillmaking their way forward before I feelsomething sharp slam into my back. Ispin around, and one sharp crack latermy soldiers got a broken jaw. Hedoubles over and reaches for his gun andI beat him to it. Now hes down and out,and Im already moving on to the nextone.

    Were all so jam-packed togetherthat hand-to-hand combat seemsunavoidable; I duck to avoid a right hookand punch the opposing soldier in the guton my way up, grabbing a knife from mybelt to follow through. In, up, twist, andhes done. I yank my knife out of his

  • chest as he falls. Someone charges at mefrom behind and I turn to meet him whensuddenly hes coughing up blood andfalling to his knees.

    Kenji saved my ass.Hes on the move and moving well,

    still not letting his injury cripple him.Were fighting together, he and I, and Ican feel his movements beside me. Weshout warnings to each other, helpingeach other when we can, and wereactually doing okay, making our waythrough the madness, when I hear Kenjishouting my name, his voice scared andurgent.

    Suddenly Im invisible and Kenji isscreaming at me about Juliette and Idont know whats happening but Im

  • freaking out and I know nows not thetime to ask questions. We fight our wayback to the front and jet toward the road,Kenjis panicked voice telling me hesaw Juliette go down and get draggedaway, and thats all I need to hear. Imone part furious and one part terrified,and the two are having a battle of theirown in my mind.

    I knew this would happen.I knew she never shouldve come

    with us. I knew she shouldve stayedbehind. Shes not built for thisshesnot strong enough to be on thebattlefield. She wouldve been so muchsafer if shed stayed behind. Why doesno one ever listen to me?

    Dammit.

  • I want to scream.When we reach the road, Kenji pulls

    me back, and though were out of breathand barely able to speak, we catch aglimpse of Juliette as shes loaded intothe back of a tank, her body limp andheavy as they drag her inside.

    Its over in a matter of seconds.Theyre already driving away.

    Juliette is gone.My chest cracks open.Kenji has a firm hand on my

    shoulder and I realize Im saying OhGod, oh God over and over again whenKenji has the decency to shake somesense into me.

    Get your shit together, he says.We need to go after her!

  • My legs are unsteady, but I knowhes right. Where do you think theywent?

    Theyre probably carting her backto base

    Dammit. Of course! WarnerWants her back. Kenji nods. That

    was probably his team he sent to collecther. He swears under his breath. Onlygood thing about that is we know hedoesnt want her dead.

    I grit my teeth to keep from losing mymind. All right then; lets go.

    God, I cant wait to get my hands onthat psychopath. Im going to enjoykilling him. Slowly. Carefully. Cuttinghim to pieces one finger at a time.

    But Kenji hesitates, and I stare at

  • him.What? I ask.I cant project, bro. My energy is

    shot. He sighs. Im sorry. My body isseriously jacked up right now.

    Shit. Contingency plan?We can avoid the main roads, he

    says. Take the back route and head tobase on our own. Itd be easier to trackthe tank, but if we do, youll be in plainsight. Its your call.

    I frown. Yeah, I vote for the planthat doesnt get me killed instantly.

    Kenji grins. Okay then. Lets go getour girl back.

    My girl, I correct him. Shes mygirl.

    Kenji snorts as we head in the

  • direction of the compounds. Right.Minus the part where shes not actuallyyour girl. Not anymore.

    Shut up.Uh-huh.Whatever.

  • EIGHT

    It takes us a while to get back to base,because we have to be hyperaware ofmy visibility. Were slower, morecautious, and careful to take our timehiding inside and around abandonedunits every hundred yards or so, just tomake sure the coast is clear aroundevery corner. But when were finallyapproaching base, shit kicks into highgear.

    We werent the only ones taking theback route.

    Castle, Ian, Alia, and Lily flippedout when they saw us; they were hidinginside a unit we thought for sure was

  • empty. They jumped out at us frombehind a bed, which made me nearlypiss my pants. We only had a moment toexplain what had happened beforeCastle was sharing his own story.

    They got Brendan and Winston backbroke them out of Sector 45 just astheyd originally plannedbut the twoof them were in bad shape when Castlefound them.

    We think theyll be okay, Castle issaying, but we have to get them to thegirls as soon as possible. Im hopingtheyll be able to help.

    The girls are on the battlefield,Kenji says, eyes wide. I have no ideawhere. They insisted on fighting today.

    Castles face falls, and though he

  • doesnt say it out loud, its clear hessuddenly very worried.

    Where are they now? I ask.Brendan and Winston?

    Hiding, Castle says.What? Kenji looks around. Why?

    Why arent you taking them back toPoint?

    Castle goes pale.Its Lily who speaks. We heard

    whispers while we were on basebreaking them out, she says. Whispersof what the soldiers are going to donext.

    Theyre mobilizing for an airassault, Ian cuts in. We just heardtheyre going to bomb Omega Point. Wewere still trying to figure out what we

  • should do when we heard someonecoming, and jumped in herehe nodsaround the unitto hide.

    What? Kenji panics. Buthowdo you

    Its definite, Castle says. His eyesare deep and tortured. Terrified. Iheard the orders myself. Theyre hopingthat if they hit it with enough firepower,everything underground will justcollapse in on itself.

    But sir, no one knows the exactlocation of Omega Point, its notpossible

    It is, Alia says. Ive never heardher speak before, and Im surprised bythe softness of her voice. They torturedthe information out of some of our own.

  • On the battlefield, Ian says. Justbefore killing them.

    Kenji looks like he might throw up.We have to go right now, he says, hisvoice high and sharp. We have to geteveryone out of thereall the ones weleft behind

    Only then does it hit me.James.I dont recognize my own voice. The

    horror, the panic, the dread that floodsmy body is something Ive never feltnever known before. Not like this. Wehave to get James! Im shouting, andKenji is trying to calm me down, but thistime I cant listen. I dont care if I haveto go alone; Im getting my brother out ofthere. Lets go! I bark at Kenji. We

  • have to get a tank and get back to base assoon as possible

    But what about Juliette? Kenjiasks. Maybe we can split upI canhead back to Point with Castle and Alia;you can stay here with Ian and Lily

    No. I have to get James. I have tobe there. I have to be the one to get him

    But JulietteYou said yourself that Warner isnt

    going to kill hershell be okay therefor a little while. But right now theyregoing to blow up Omega Point, andJamesand everyone elseis going todie. We have to go now

    Maybe I can stay here and look forJuliette, and you guys can go

  • Juliette will be fine. Shes not inany immediate danger hereWarnerisnt going to hurt her

    ButKenji, please! Im desperate now

    and I dont care. We need as manypeople at Omega Point as possible.There are tons of people left behind, andthey dont stand a chance if we dont getto them now.

    Kenji stares at me for just a momentlonger before he nods. You guys gograb Brendan and Winston, he says toCastle and the three others. Kent and Iwill commandeer a tank and meet youback here. Well do everything we canto get back to Point as soon as possible.

    The second everyone is gone, I grab

  • Kenji by the arm. If anything happens toJames

    Were going to do everything wecan, I promise

    Thats not good enough for meIneed to go get himI need to go rightnow

    You cant go right now, Kenjisnaps. Save your stupid for later, Kent.Now, more than ever, you need to stay incontrol. If you go crazy and head back toPoint on foot with no regard for yourown safety, youll be dead before youeven get there, and any chance of savingJames will be lost. You want to keepyour little brother alive? Make sure youdont kill yourself while youre trying tosave him.

  • I feel like my throat is closing up.He cant die, I say, my voice breaking.I cant be the reason he dies, KenjiIcant. . . .

    Kenji blinks fast, forcing back hisown emotion. I know, man. But I cantthink like that right now. We have tokeep moving. . . .

    Kenji is still talking, but I can hardlyhear him.

    James.Oh God.What have I done.

  • NINE

    I have no idea how we all fit inside thistank. Were eight people jammed intocramped quarters, sitting on laps, and noone even cares. The tension is so thickits practically its own person, taking upa seat we dont have to spare. I canbarely think straight.

    Im trying to breathe, trying to staycalm, and I cant.

    The planes are already overhead,and I feel sick in a way I dont knowhow to explain. Its deeper than mystomach. Bigger than my heart. Moreoverwhelming than just my mind. Itslike fear has become me; it wears my

  • body like an old suit.Fear is all I have left now.I think we all feel it. Kenji is driving

    this tank, somehow still able to functionin the face of all this, but no one else ismoving. Not speaking. Not evenbreathing too loudly.

    I feel so sick.Oh God, oh God.Drive faster, I want to say, but then,

    actually, I dont. I dont know if I wantto hurry up or slow down. I dont knowwhat will hurt more. I watched my ownmother die, and, somehow, it didnt hurtas much as this.

    I throw up then.All over the floor mats.The dead body of my ten-year-old

  • brother.Im dry-heaving, wiping my mouth

    on my shirt.Will it hurt when he dies? Will he

    feel it? Will he be killed instantly, orwill he be impaledinjured, somehowand die slowly? Will he bleed todeath all alone? My ten-year-oldbrother?

    Im holding fast to the dashboard,trying to steady my heart, my breathing.Its impossible. The tears are falling fastnow, my shoulders shaking, my bodybreaking. The planes get louder as theycome closer. I can hear it now. We allcan.

    Were not even there yet.We hear the bombs explode far off in

  • the distance, and thats when I feel it: thebones inside of me fracture, littleearthquakes breaking me apart.

    The tank stops.Theres no going forward anymore.

    Theres no one and nothing to get to, andwe all know it. The bombs keep fallingand I hear the explosions echoing thesounds of my own sobs, loud andgasping in the silence. I have nothing leftnow.

    Nothing left.Nothing so precious as my own flesh

    and blood.Ive just dropped my head into my

    hands when a scream pierces the quiet.Kenji! Look!Its Alia, shrieking from the backseat

  • as she throws the door open and jumpsout. I follow her with my eyes and onlythen see what she saw, and it takes justseconds before Im out the door andbolting past her, falling to my knees infront of the one person I never thoughtId see, not ever again.

  • TEN

    Im almost too overcome to speak.James is standing in front of me,

    sobbing, and I dont know if Imdreaming.

    James? I hear Kenji say. I lookback to see almost everyone has gottenout of the tank now. Is that you,buddy?

    Addie, Im s-sorry, he hiccups. Iknow you s-saidyou s-said I wasntsupposed to fight, but I couldnt staybehind and I had to l-leave

    I pull him into my arms, clutchinghim tight, hardly able to breathe.

    I wanted to f-fight with you, he

  • stammers. I didnt w-want to be a baby.I wanted t-to h-help

    Shhhh, I say to him. Its okay,James. Its okay. Were okay. Its goingto be okay.

    But Addie, he says, you dontknow what h-happenedId only beengone a little while and then I saw the p-planes

    I shush him again and tell him itsokay. That we know what happened.That hes safe now.

    Im sorry I couldnt h-help you, hesays, pulling back to look me in the eye,his cheeks a splotchy red and streakedwith tears. I know you said I shouldnt,but I really w-wanted to h-help

    I pick him up, cradling his body in

  • my arms as I carry him back to the tank,and only then realize that the wet staindown the front of his pants isnt from therain.

    James mustve been terrified. Hemustve been scared out of his mind andstill, he snuck out of Omega Pointbecause he wanted to help. Because hewanted to fight alongside us.

    I could kill him for it.But damn if hes not one of the

    bravest people Ive ever known.

  • ELEVEN

    Once were back in the tank, we realizewe have no idea what to do.

    Nowhere to go.The depth of whats happened has

    only begun to hit us. And just because Iwas able to salvage a bit of good newsfrom the wreckage doesnt mean thereisnt a lot left to grieve.

    Castle is practically comatose.Kenji is the only one whos still

    trying to keep us alive. Hes the only onewith any sense of self-preservation left,and I think its because of Castle.Because no one is leading us anymore,and someone has to step up.

  • But even with Kenji doing his best tokeep us focused, few of us areresponding. The day has come to a closemuch more quickly than we couldveexpected, and the sun is setting fast,plunging us all into darkness.

    Were tired, were broken, and wecan no longer function.

    Sleep, it seems, is the only thing thatwill come.

  • TWELVE

    James stirs in my arms.Im awake in an instant, blinking fast

    and looking around to find everyone elsestill asleep. The sun slits open thehorizon to let the light out, and themorning is so still, and so quiet, it seemsimpossible theres ever been anythingwrong.

    The truth, however, comes back tooquickly.

    Its bricks on my chest, pressure inmy lungs, aches in my joints, and metalin my mouthreminders of the long day,the longer night, and the boy curled up inmy arms.

  • Death and destruction. Slivers ofhope.

    Kenji drove us to a remote locationand used the last of his strength to makethe tank invisible for most of the night; itwas the only way we could wait out thebattle and manage to sleep for a fewhours. Im still not sure how that guy isfunctioning. Hes definitely way strongerthan Ive ever given him credit for.

    The world around us is eerily calm. Ishift a little and James is alert, up andasking questions the moment his mouthhinges open. His voice disturbseveryone, startling them awake. I use theback of my hand to rub at my eyes andadjust James in my lap, holding himclose. I drop a kiss on the top of his head

  • and tell him to be quiet.Why? he asks.I cover his mouth with my hand.He slaps it away.Good morning, sunshine. Kenji

    blinks in our direction.Morning, I say back.I wasnt talking to you, he says,

    trying to smile. I was talking to thesunshine.

    I grin in response, not really surewhere were going with this. Theres somuch to talk about, and so much wedont want to talk about, that I dontknow if well ever talk at all. I glanceback at Castle and notice hes wideawake and staring out the window. Iwave hello.

  • Did you sleep all right? I ask him.Castle stares at me.I glance at Kenji.Kenji looks out the window, too.I blow out a breath.Everyone makes their way back to

    the present, slowly but surely. Oncewere all in semiworking conditionBrendan and Winston includedKenjidoesnt waste any time.

    We have to figure out where weregoing to go, he says. We cant riskbeing on the road for too long, and Imnot sure how long or how well Ill beable to project. My energy is comingback, but slowly, and its in and out. Notsomething I can rely on right now.

    We also need to think about food,

  • Ian says groggily.Yeah, Im pretty hungry, James

    adds.I squeeze his shoulders. Were all

    starving.Right, Kenji says. So does

    anyone have any ideas?Silence from all of us.Come on, guys, he says. Think.

    Any hideouts, any secure spotsanywhere youve ever crashed that wasonce a safe space

    What about our old house? Jamesasks, looking around.

    I sit up straighter, surprised I hadntthought of it myself. Rightof course,I say. Good idea, James. I muss hishair. That would work.

  • Kenji pounds his fist on the steeringwheel. Yes! he says loudly. Good.Excellent. Perfect. Thank God.

    But what if they come looking forus? Lily asks. Didnt Warner knowabout your old place?

    Yeah, I tell her. But if they thinkeveryone from Omega Point is dead,they wont think to come search for me.Or any of us.

    At that, the car goes dead quiet.The elephant in the room has made

    an appearance, and now no one knowswhat to say. We all look to Castle fordirection on how best to proceed, but hedoesnt say a word. Hes staring straightahead at nothing at all, like hes beenparalyzed from the inside.

  • Lets go, Alia says quietly. Shesthe only one who responds to me, andshe offers me a kind smile as she does. Idecide I like her for it. We shouldsecure shelter as soon as possible. Andmaybe find James something to eat.

    I beam at her. So touched that shewould speak for James.

    Maybe we could find something allof us could eat, Ian cuts in, grumpy. Ifrown, but I cant blame him. Mystomach has made a few protests of itsown.

    We should have plenty of food backat the house, I say. Its been paid forthrough the end of the year, so wellhave just about everything we needwater, electricity, a roof over our heads

  • but itll be tight, and itll betemporary. Well have to come up with amore long-term solution soon.

    Sounds good, Kenji says to me. Heturns back to look at everyone. We allin agreement here?

    Theres a murmur of consent andthats all we need, really, before wereoff and heading back to my old place.Back to the beginning.

    Relief floods through me.Im so grateful to be able to take

    James home. To let him sleep in his ownbed. And though I know better than toever say it out loud, a small part of me ishappy that our time at Omega Point isofficially over. Theres a silver lining inall of this, and its that Warner thinks

  • were all dead. And even though hesgot Juliette now, he wont have herforever. Shell be safe until we can finda way to get her back, and until then, hewont come after us. We can find a wayto live, away from all the violence anddestruction.

    Besides, Im tired of fighting. Imtired of being on the run and alwayshaving to risk my life and constantlyworrying about James. I just want to gohome. I want to take care of my brother.And I never, ever, ever want to feelwhat I felt last night.

    I cant risk losing James, not everagain.

  • THIRTEEN

    The roads are almost entirelyabandoned. The sun is high and the windis bitingly cold and though the rain hasstopped, the air smells like snow, and Ihave a feeling its going to be harsh. Iwrap James more tightly in my arms,shivering against a chill coming fromdeep inside my body. Hes fallen asleepagain, his small face buried in the crookof my neck. I hug him closer to my chest.

    With the opposition destroyed,theres no need to have manyif anytroops on the ground. Theyre probablyclearing out the bodies now, cleaning upthe mess and putting things back in order

  • as soon as possible. Its what we alwaysdid.

    Battle was necessary, but cleaning itup was just as crucial.

    Warner used to drill that home: wewere never to allow civilians time togrieve. We could never give them theopportunity to make martyrs of theirloved ones. No, it was better for thedeaths to seem as insignificant aspossible.

    Everyone had to go back to workright away.

    So many times I was a part of thosemissions. I always hated Warner, hatedThe Reestablishment and all it stood for,but now I feel even more strongly aboutit all. Thinking Id lost James did

  • something to me last night, and thedamage is irreparable. I thought I knewwhat it was like to lose someone closeto me, but I didnt, not really. Losing aparent is excruciating, but somehow, thepain is so much different from losing achild. And James, to me, in many ways,feels like my own kid. I raised him.Took care of him. Protected him. Fedhim and clothed him. Taught him mosteverything he knows. Hes my only hopein all this devastationthe one thingIve always lived for, always fought for.Id be lost without him.

    James gives my life purpose.And I didnt realize this until last

    night.What The Reestablishment does

  • separating parents from their children,separating spouses from each other,basically ripping families aparttheydo it on purpose. And the cruelty ofthese actions hadnt really hit me untilnow.

    I dont think I could ever be a part ofsomething like that again.

  • FOURTEEN

    We pull into the underground parkinggarage without a problem, and oncewere inside, I can exhale. I know wellbe safe here.

    The nine of us clamber out of thetank and stand around for a moment.Brendan and Winston are holding fast toeach other, still recovering from theirwounds. Im not sure what happened tothem, exactly, because no one is talkingabout it, but I dont think I want to know.Alia and Lily help Castle down from thetank, and Ian is close behind. Kenji isstanding next to me. Im still holdingJames in my arms, and I only put him

  • down after he asks me to.You guys ready to go up? I ask.

    Shower? Eat some breakfast?That sounds great, man, says Ian.Everyone else agrees.I lead the way, James clinging to my

    hand.Its crazythe last time we were

    here, we were on the run from Warner.Me and Juliette. It was the first time shemet James, the first time it felt like wecould really have a life together. Andthen Kenji showed up and redirected thecourse of everything. I shake my head,remembering. It feels like a millionyears ago, somehow. So much haschanged. I was practically a differentguy back then. I feel much older and

  • harder and angrier now. Difficult tobelieve it was only a few months ago.

    The front door is still messed upfrom when Warner and his guys busted itopen, but we make do. I yank on thehandle and then shove, hard, and thedoor swings inward.

    Suddenly were all crossing thethreshold.

    Im looking around, amazed to seeeverything almost exactly the way weleft it. A few things are knocked overand the place needs a serious cleaning,but itll work. Itll be a great, safe placeto live for a while. I start flippingswitches and the small rooms flicker tolife, fluorescent lights humming steadilyin the silence. James bolts toward his

  • bedroom, and I check the cabinets forcanned goods and nonperishable items;weve still got tons of Saran-wrappedpackages for the Automat.

    I breathe a sigh of relief.Who wants breakfast? I ask,

    holding up a few packets.Kenji falls to his knees, shouting,

    Hallelujah! in the process; Ianpractically tackles me. James comesracing out of his room shouting, MEME ME I DO I DO, and Lily laughs herhead off. Alia smiles and leans againstthe wall as Brendan and Winstoncollapse on the couch, groaning in relief.Castle is the only one who remainssilent.

    All right, everyone, Kenji says.

  • Adam and I will get the food going, andthe rest of you can take turns washing up.Also, I hate to be super obvious here,but theres only one bathroom, and weall have to share, so lets please beaware of that. Adams got somesupplies, but not too much, so lets befrugal, okay? Lets remember wereliving on rations now. Consideration iscrucial.

    Theres general consent and lots ofnodding, and everyone busiesthemselves with a different kind ofpreparation. Everyone except Castle,who sits down in the single armchair anddoesnt move. He seems to be doingworse than Brendan and Winston, whohappen to be in actual physical pain.

  • Im still staring at the two of themwhen Ian slips away from the group toask me if I have anything to help patchup Brendan and Winston. I assure himthat Ill use whatever supplies Ive gotto fix them up as best I can. I alwayshave a little medical kit at home, but itsnot extensive, and Im not a medic. But Iknow enough. I think Ill be able to help.This cheers up Ian significantly.

    Its only once Kenji and I are busypreparing food in the kitchen that hebrings up the most pressing issue. Theone Im still not sure how to resolve.

    So what are we going to do aboutJuliette? Kenji asks, tossing an Automatpacket into a bowl. Im alreadyworried we waited this long to go after

  • her.I feel myself pale. I dont know how

    to tell him I had no immediate plans togo back out there. Certainly not to fightnot after what happened to James. Idont know, I say. Im not sure whatwe can do.

    Kenji stares at me, confused. Whatdo you mean? We have to get her out ofthere. Which means we have to breakher out of there, which means weve gotto plan another rescue mission. Heshoots me a look. I thought that wasobvious.

    I clear my throat. But what aboutJames? And Brendan and Winston? AndCastle? Were not doing too well overhere. Is it okay to just leave them here

  • andDude, what the hell are you talking

    about? Arent you in love with this girl?Wheres the fire under your ass? Ithought you would be dying to get to herright now

    I am, I say urgently. Of course Iam. Im just worriedits so soon afterthey bombed Point that I just

    The longer we wait, the worse itsgoing to get. Kenji shakes his head.We have to go as soon as possible. Ifwe dont, shell be stuck there forever,and Warner will use her as his torturemonster. Hell probably kill her in theprocess without even meaning to.

    I grip the edge of the counter andstare into the sink.

  • Shit.Shit shit shit.I spin around at the sound of Jamess

    voice, listen for a moment as he laughsat something Alia said. My heartconstricts just thinking about walkingaway from him again. But I know I havea responsibility to Juliette. What wouldshe do if I werent there to help her? Sheneeds me.

    Okay, I sigh. Of course. What dowe have to do?

  • FIFTEEN

    After breakfast, which was actuallycloser to lunch, I tend to Brendan andWinston for a bit, and set them up on thefloor so they can get some proper rest.James and I had collected a decent stashof ratty blankets and pillows over theyears, so theres just enough to goaround, and thank God for that, becauseits cold as hell. We even wrapped ablanket around Castles shoulders. Hesstill barely moving, but we forced him toeat, so at least hes got a little color inhis cheeks now.

    With Brendan and Winston settled,Ian and Alia and Lily fed and

  • comfortable, James safe and sound, andCastle resting, Kenji and I are finallyready to initiate some new plans.

    Im going to go out, Kenji says.Get on base and get nosy. Listen forrumors and whispers of whats going onmaybe even find Juliette, give her aheads-up that were coming for hersoon.

    I nod. Thats a great start.Once I know more about whats

    going on, we can make a firm plan,scoop her up, and bring her home.

    So as soon as shes back, I say,well have to move again.

    Probably, yeah.I nod a few times. Okay. All right.

    I swallow hard. Ill wait here until you

  • get back.Sounds good. Kenji grins, and then

    hes gone. Disappeared. The front dooris yanked open and yanked closed, andIm staring at the wall and trying not tofreak out too much about whats going tohappen next.

    Another mission. Which meansanother chance to screw everything upand get ourselves killed. And then, ifwere successful, were rewarded withmore running, more instability, morechaos.

    I close my eyes.I love Juliette. I really do. I want to

    help her and support her and be there forher. I want us to have a future together.But sometimes I wonder if its ever

  • going to happen.This isnt easy to admit, but part of

    me doesnt want to put James at riskagainon the run againfor a girl whobroke up with me. A girl who walkedaway from us.

    I dont know what the right thing isanymore.

    I dont know if my allegiance is toJames or Juliette.

  • SIXTEEN

    Kenji is back after only a couple ofhours. His face ashen, his handstrembling. Hes breathing hard and hiseyes are unfocused and he sits down onthe couch without a word and Imalready panicking.

    What happened? I ask.Whats going on? Lily says.You okay, bro? This from Ian.We pepper him with questions and

    he doesnt answer. He stares,unblinking, a replica of Castle, whossitting in a chair across from him.

    Finally, after a long moment ofsilence, he speaks.

  • Three words.Juliette is dead.Chaos.Questions are flying and screams are

    muffled and everyone is shocked,horrified, freaking out.

    Im stunned.My brain feels paralyzed, unwilling

    to process or digest this information.Why? I want to ask. How? How? How isit possible?

    But I cant speak. Im frozen inhorror. Grief.

    It wasnt Warner who came afterher, Kenji is saying, tears falling fastdown his face. It was Anderson. Thosewere Andersons men. They made theannouncement just a couple hours ago,

  • he says, choking on the words. Theysaid they bombed Omega Point, capturedJuliette, and killed her just this morning.The supreme has already headed back tothe capital.

    No, I gasp.We shouldve gone after her,

    Kenji is saying. I shouldve stayedbehindI shouldve tried to find herits my fault, he says, hands in his hair,fighting back tears. Its my fault shesdead. I shouldve gone after her

    Its not your fault, Ian says to him,rushing over and grabbing his arms.Dont you dare put that on yourself.

    We lost a lot of people, Lily says.People dear to us that we couldntsave. This is not your fault. I promise.

  • We did our best.Everyone is consoling Kenji now,

    trying to reassure him that theres noguilt necessary. No person to blame forall this.

    But I cant agree.I trip backward until I hit the wall,

    leaning against it for support. I knowwho to blame. I know where the faultlies.

    Juliette is dead because of me.

  • EXCERPT FROM IGNITE ME

    Dont miss the epic conclusion to theNew York Times bestselling SHATTER

    ME series.

  • ONE

    I am an hourglass.My seventeen years have collapsed

    and buried me from the inside out. Mylegs feel full of sand and stapledtogether, my mind overflowing withgrains of indecision, choices unmadeand impatient as time runs out of mybody. The small hand of a clock taps meat one and two, three and four,whispering hello, get up, stand up, itstime to

    wake upwake upWake up, he whispers.A sharp intake of breath and Im

  • awake but not up, surprised but notscared, somehow staring into the verydesperately green eyes that seem toknow too much, too well. Aaron WarnerAnderson is bent over me, his worriedeyes inspecting me, his hand caught inthe air like he mightve been about totouch me.

    He jerks back.He stares, unblinking, chest rising

    and falling.Good morning, I assume. Im

    unsure of my voice, of the hour and thisday, of these words leaving my lips andthis body that contains me.

    I notice hes wearing a white button-down, half untucked into his curiouslyunrumpled black slacks. His shirtsleeves

  • are folded, pushed up past his elbows.His smile looks like it hurts.I pull myself into a seated position

    and Warner shifts to accommodate me. Ihave to close my eyes to steady thesudden dizziness, but I force myself toremain still until the feeling passes.

    Im tired and weak from hunger, butother than a few general aches, I seem tobe fine. Im alive. Im breathing andblinking and feeling human and I knowexactly why.

    I meet his eyes. You saved my life.I was shot in the chest.Warners father put a bullet in my

    body and I can still feel the echoes of it.If I focus, I can relive the exact momentit happened; the pain: so intense, so

  • excruciating; Ill never be able to forgetit.

    I suck in a startled breath.Im finally aware of the familiar

    foreignness of this room and Im quicklyseized by a panic that screams I did notwake up where I fell asleep. My heart isracing and Im inching away from him,hitting my back against the headboard,clutching at these sheets, trying not tostare at the chandelier I remember alltoo well

    Its okay Warner is saying. Itsall right

    What am I doing here? Panic,panic; terror clouds my consciousness.Why did you bring me here again?

    Juliette, please, Im not going to

  • hurt youThen why did you bring me here?

    My voice is starting to break and Imstruggling to keep it steady. Why bringme back to this hellhole

    I had to hide you. He exhales,looks up at the wall.

    What? Why?No one knows youre alive. He

    turns to look at me. I had to get back tobase. I needed to pretend everything wasback to normal and I was running out oftime.

    I force myself to lock away the fear.I study his face and analyze his

    patient, earnest tone. I remember himlast nightit mustve been last nightIremember his face, remember him lying

  • next to me in the dark. He was tenderand kind and gentle and he saved me,saved my life. Probably carried me intobed. Tucked me in beside him. Itmustve been him.

    But when I glance down at my body Irealize Im wearing clean clothes, noblood or holes or anything anywhere andI wonder who washed me, wonder whochanged me, and worry that mightvebeen Warner, too.

    Did you . . . I hesitate, touching thehem of the shirt Im wearing. DidImeanmy clothes

    He smiles. He stares until Imblushing and I decide I hate him a littleand then he shakes his head. Looks intohis palms. No, he says. The girls took

  • care of that. I just carried you to bed.The girls, I whisper, dazed.The girls.Sonya and Sara. They were there

    too, the healer twins, they helpedWarner. They helped him save mebecause hes the only one who can touchme now, the only person in the worldwhod have been able to transfer theirhealing power safely into my body.

    My thoughts are on fire.Where are the girls what happened

    to the girls and where is Anderson andthe war and oh God whats happened toAdam and Kenji and Castle and I haveto get up I have to get up I have to get upand get out of bed and get going

    but

  • I try to move and Warner catches me.Im off-balance, unsteady; I still feel asthough my legs are anchored to this bedand Im suddenly unable to breathe,seeing spots and feeling faint. Need up.Need out.

    Cant.Warner. My eyes are frantic on his

    face. What happened? Whatshappening with the battle?

    Please, he says, gripping myshoulders. You need to start slowly;you should eat something

    Tell meDont you want to eat first? Or

    shower?No, I hear myself say. I have to

    know now.

  • One moment. Two and three.Warner takes a deep breath. A

    million more. Right hand over left,spinning the jade ring on his pinkiefinger over and over and over and overIts over, he says.

    What?I say the word but my lips make no

    sound. Im numb, somehow. Blinkingand seeing nothing.

    Its over, he says again.No.I exhale the word, exhale the

    impossibility.He nods. Hes disagreeing with me.No.Juliette.No, I say. No. No. Dont be

  • stupid, I say to him. Dont beridiculous, I say to him. Dont lie tome goddamn you, but now my voice ishigh and broken and shaking and No, Igasp, no, no, no

    I actually stand up this time. My eyesare filling fast with tears and I blink andblink but the world is a mess and I wantto laugh because all I can think is howhorrible and beautiful it is, that our eyesblur the truth when we cant bear to seeit.

    The ground is hard.I know this to be an actual fact

    because its suddenly pressed against myface and Warner is trying to touch me butI think I scream and slap his hands awaybecause I already know the answer. I

  • must already know the answer because Ican feel the revulsion bubbling up andunsettling my insides but I ask anyway.Im horizontal and somehow still tippingover and the holes in my head are tearingopen and Im staring at a spot on thecarpet not ten feet away and Im not sureIm even alive but I have to hear him sayit.

    Why? I ask.Its just a word, stupid and simple.Why is the battle over? I ask. Im

    not breathing anymore, not reallyspeaking at all; just expelling lettersthrough my lips.

    Warner is not looking at me.Hes looking at the wall and at the

    floor and at the bedsheets and at the way

  • his knuckles look when he clenches hisfists but no not at me he wont look at meand his next words are so, so soft.

    Because theyre dead, love.Theyre all dead.

  • TWO

    My body locks.My bones, my blood, my brain freeze

    in place, seizing in some kind of sudden,uncontrollable paralysis that spreadsthrough me so quickly I cant seem tobreathe. Im wheezing in deep, strainedinhalations, and the walls wont stopswaying in front of me.

    Warner pulls me into his arms.Let go of me, I scream, but, oh,

    only in my imagination because my lipsare finished working and my heart hasjust expired and my mind has gone tohell for the day and my eyes my eyes Ithink theyre bleeding. Warner is

  • whispering words of comfort I canthear and his arms are wrapped entirelyaround me, trying to keep me togetherthrough sheer physical force but its nouse.

    I feel nothing.Warner is shushing me, rocking me

    back and forth, and its only then that Irealize Im making the most excruciating,earsplitting sound, agony ripping throughme. I want to speak, to protest, to accuseWarner, to blame him, to call him a liar,but I can say nothing, can form nothingbut sounds so pitiful Im almost ashamedof myself. I break free of his arms,gasping and doubling over, clutching mystomach.

    Adam. I choke on his name.

  • Juliette, pleaseKenji. Im hyperventilating into

    the carpet now.Please, love, let me help youWhat about James? I hear myself

    say. He was left at Omega Pointhewasnt a-allowed to c-come

    Its all been destroyed, Warnersays slowly, quietly. Everything. Theytortured some of your members intogiving away the exact location of OmegaPoint. Then they bombed the entirething.

    Oh, God. I cover my mouth withone hand and stare, unblinking, at theceiling.

    Im so sorry, he says. You haveno idea how sorry I am.

  • Liar, I whisper, venom in myvoice. Im angry and mean and I cant bebothered to care. Youre not sorry atall.

    I glance at Warner just long enoughto see the hurt flash in and out of hiseyes. He clears his throat.

    I am sorry, he says again, quiet butfirm. He picks up his jacket from whereit was hanging on a nearby rack; shrugsit on without a word.

    Where are you going? I ask, guiltyin an instant.

    You need time to process this andyou clearly have no use for my company.I will attend to a few tasks until youreready to talk.

    Please tell me youre wrong. My

  • voice breaks. My breath catches. Tellme theres a chance you could be wrong

    Warner stares at me for what feelslike a long time. If there were even theslightest chance I could spare you thispain, he finally says, I wouldve takenit. You must know I wouldnt have saidit if it werent absolutely true.

    And its thishis sinceritythatfinally snaps me in half.

    Because the truth is so unbearable Iwish hed spare me a lie.

    I dont remember when Warner left.I dont remember how he left or

    what he said. All I know is that Ivebeen lying here curled up on the floor

  • long enough. Long enough for the tears toturn to salt, long enough for my throat todry up and my lips to chap and my headto pound as hard as my heart.

    I sit up slowly, feel my brain twistsomewhere in my skull. I manage toclimb onto the bed and sit there, stillnumb but less so, and pull my knees tomy chest.

    Life without Adam.Life without Kenji, without James

    and Castle and Sonya and Sara andBrendan and Winston and all of OmegaPoint. My friends, all destroyed with theflick of a switch.

    Life without Adam.I hold on tight, pray the pain will

    pass.

  • It doesnt.Adam is gone.My first love. My first friend. My

    only friend when I had none and nowhes gone and I dont know how I feel.Strange, mostly. Delirious, too. I feelempty and broken and cheated and guiltyand angry and desperately, desperatelysad.

    Wed been growing apart sinceescaping to Omega Point, but that wasmy fault. He wanted more from me, but Iwanted him to live a long life. I wantedto protect him from the pain I wouldcause him. I tried to forget him, to moveon without him, to prepare myself for afuture separate and apart from him.

    I thought staying away would keep

  • him alive.Stupid girl.The tears are fresh and falling fast

    now, traveling quietly down my cheeksand into my open, gasping mouth. Myshoulders wont stop shaking and myfists keep clenching and my body iscramping and my knees are knocking andold habits are crawling out of my skinand Im counting cracks and colors andsounds and shudders and rocking backand forth and back and forth and backand forth and I have to let him go I haveto let him go I have to I have to

    I close my eyesand breathe.Harsh, hard, rasping breaths.In.

  • Out.Count them.Ive been here before, I tell myself.

    Ive been lonelier than this, morehopeless than this, more desperate thanthis. Ive been here before and Isurvived. I can get through this.

    But never have I been so thoroughlyrobbed. Love and possibility,friendships and futures: gone. I have tostart over now; face the world aloneagain. I have to make one final choice:give up or go on.

    So I get to my feet.My head is spinning, thoughts

    knocking into one another, but I swallowback the tears. I clench my fists and trynot to scream and I tuck my friends in my

  • heart andrevengeI thinkhas never looked so sweet.

  • ABOUT THE AUTHOR

    TAHEREH MAFI is a girl. She wasborn in a small city somewhere inConnecticut and currently resides inOrange County, California, where theweather is just a little too perfect for hertaste. When unable to find a book, shecan be found reading candy wrappers,coupons, and old receipts. You can visitTahereh online atwww.taherehbooks.com.

    V i s i t www.AuthorTracker.com forexclusive information on your favoriteHarperCollins authors and artists.

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  • BOOKS BY TAHEREH MAFI

    Shatter MeUnravel MeIgnite Me

    Destroy Me: A Shatter Me Novella

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  • COPYRIGHT

    FRACTURE ME

    Copyright 2013 by Tahereh Mafi

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    ContentsChapter OneChapter TwoChapter ThreeChapter FourChapter FiveChapter SixChapter SevenChapter EightChapter NineChapter TenChapter ElevenChapter TwelveChapter ThirteenChapter FourteenChapter FifteenChapter SixteenExcerpt from Ignite MeAbout the AuthorBooks by Tahereh MafiBack AdsCopyrightAbout the Publisher