聖荷西華人天主教會

粵語組通訊 二零零八年七月刋 Vol.14 No.3

福泉

主日中文彌撒時間： 粵語 1:30pm 國語 3:00pm ※請準時參與彌撒聖祭，也請尊重彌撒進行時的莊嚴肅穋，希望家長妥善看管兒童。

教堂地址： St.Clare's Church 941 Lexington St./ Lafayette St. Santa Clara, CA 95050 (408)248-7786

位於Santa Clara 大學西面，在 Lexington 夾Lafayette 街。

目錄

蕭神父的話 (蕭見忠神父) 1 媒體的慎言慎聽 (連聯波) 3 溝通 (Emily) 4 一位母親的育兒分享 (呂太) 5 良好的溝通 (Melissa Poon) 7 Communication (Amy Wong) 9 溝通 (紫娟) 10 分享痛苦、分享希望 (Alice Chan) 12 敬老扶幼 (Camilla Fok) 14 隨想 (孔丘) 15 反省 (Mary Lam 林太 ) 16 The Five Love Languages (Andrew Lin) 17 My View of Communication (Elizabeth Cheung) 19 There is more to the dash between Parents-Teens (Kelvin Wong ) 19 溝通 (Peter Liu) 22 I Talk and You Listen (Jonny Hung) 23 答唱詠的意義與實施 (Mary Lam 林太 ) 27 朝聖 (Betty Law) 28 Baptism and re-born (Francis Cheng) 29 Our Corner 31 Our Gallery 34 Church Budget & Pledge Card 35

各位主內的兄弟姊妹們：

創世紀說上主認為人單獨不好，所以給人造了伴侶，這才可以分工合作，發展人類歷史。自古至今，各族裔都有不同文化，代

代相傳，見證着人類能廣泛地採用前人累積的經驗及教訓，來建設

國家造福社會，當中包含着不可或缺的互相溝通與合作。 溝通就是

人與人之間彼此持續地遞傳及交換訊息。而溝通所涉及的範圍很

廣，通常以說話和文字來表達內容或含意。透過溝通來縮短人與人

之間的距離，增強彼此互信。

與人溝通時我們要態度誠懇樹立形象，以表示尊重對方，令

雙方談話時更易投入，可促進感情。要放下成見，因為有了設限，

就難以協調了，好比設置路障以後，往來就難以通暢。在交談中要

細心聆聽對方的意見和道理，務必聽得出對方真正的意思，以收溝

通之效。

要彼此交換意見，開誠布公地把自己的思想、觀點、需要，

傳達給對方，這才是雙向交流。更不是各抒己見，各自表述，切忌

口沫橫飛地發表己意，漠視對方的感受與困難。溝通最重要的目的

不是讓對方屈服於自己的意見，而是彼此滿意，創造所謂皆大歡喜

的結果，進而相互合作、互相融合，這才是最佳的溝通。 倘若以書

信來互相向對方表達，則書寫時要注意用字及措詞，採用文字以淺

白為主，行文力求精簡切題。要仔細閱讀對方來件，方可正確地回

覆。

不過，最重要的是和我們的家人及朋友好好地相處，互相溝

通共融。所謂「歲月如流」時光飛逝，願大家珍惜眼前人，因為千

金易得，知己難求。記得福音記載「浪子回頭」「他(浪子)便起身

到他父親那裏去了。他離得還遠的時候，他父親就看見了他，他動

了憐憫的心，跑上前去，撲到他的脖子上，熱情地親吻他。兒子向

他說：父親，我得罪了天，也得罪了你，我不配再稱作你的兒子

了!父親卻吩咐自己的僕人說：你們快拿出上等的袍子來給他穿

1

蕭神父的話...

2

把戒指戴在他手上，給他腳上穿上鞋，再把那隻肥牛犢牽來宰了，

我們應吃喝歡宴，因為我這個兒子是死而復生，失而復得了」（路

15 ： 20-24）由此可見人需要機會，在團體內成長，互相扶持鼓

勵，愛護關懷。 溝通應該從家庭開始，個人與家人在互相牽動之下

成長。長大後可以運用溝通的技巧從容地處理日常工作和保持良好

的人際關係，於是皆大歡喜。

還有，我們要常常跟天父保持溝通，就是恭敬、認識、愛

慕、事奉祂。祂教我們行善避惡，以善行避惡作奉獻，如經上說:

「欺壓窮人的，就是凌辱他的造主；憐恤苦人的，就是尊敬他的造

主。」(箴 14:31) 瑪竇福音記載：「君王便回答他們 說：我實在告

訴你們，凡你們對我這些最小兄弟中的一個所做的，就是對我做

的。」(瑪 25:40) 所以天主常為我們提供事奉祂的機會，充當作

天主聖神的工具，使天國臨現於人間。

在加里肋亞加納婚宴中，聖母為缺酒一事代主人向耶穌請

求幫助，耶穌垂允了。 於是，聖母給僕役說：「他 (耶穌) 無論吩

咐你們什麼，你們就作什麼。」 (若 2:5) 這是個好榜樣，皆因聖

母深明大義，向僕役說明是誰作主，是我們的主耶穌，而聖母認為

自己只在傳話，聖母的確為我們罪人不斷地轉求天主。故此，我們

也當恆常祈禱，讀經，聆聽聖言，藉此機會來跟隨基督與祂溝通，

無論吩咐我們什麼，我們就作什麼。無論環境順逆，一切自有天主

上智的安排，人總可賴祂以成長。聖保祿宗徒曾經提醒我們說:

「為此，弟兄們，你們更要盡心竭力，使你們的蒙召和被選，賴善

行而堅定不移；倘若你們這樣作，決不會跌倒。的確，這樣你們便

更有把握，進入我們的主和救主耶穌基督永遠的國。」(伯後 1:10-

11)

願主賜福我們，祝大家主內平安 !

3

溝通可以對自己、對配偶、對孩子、對父母、對兄弟姐妹、

對家人、對親人、對朋友、對團體、對他人等等。我想說一說的是

媒體的溝通。

近日發生很多天災，其中的是緬甸的風災，和中國四川的大

地震，死傷很嚴重。在傳媒中，看到及 聽到一些 叫作 「天譴論」的

言論。說上天要懲罰共產黨的惡行，懲罰對西藏的鎮壓等等，都是

不負責任的一派胡言。更可笑的是老影星莎朗史東(Sharon Stone) 也說地震是中國的惡業(bad karma)，把它扯到西藏事件，導致 Christian Dior 要把她在中國的廣告撤除，她才在日前公開道歉。 為什麼天災人禍、疾病痛苦、生離死別會發生﹖讓我們翻一

翻若望福音第九章 2 - 3 節﹕耶穌的門徒就問耶穌說﹕「辣彼， 誰犯了罪？是他，還是他的父母，竟使他生來瞎眼呢？」 耶穌答覆

說﹕「也不是他犯了罪，也不是他的父母，而是為叫天主的工作，在

他身上顯揚出來。」我們知道平民是善良的，是無辜的，不可武斷是

他們犯了罪，他們父母祖先犯了罪，或是國家犯了罪。我們不一定

了解天主的旨意，但可知道不一定是因為我們和他們的罪過，而是

為了使天主的工作，在其過程中彰顯給其他更多的人。

非典型肺炎爆發時我在中國杭州，到過廣州和香港。第一

線的經歷，那可怕和恐懼，還瀝瀝在目，只有祈禱能使內心平安。

回顧而展望，中國政府對公共衛生有了改善，人們對衛生也有了警

覺，轉向好的方面發展。同時地震後，可以預期的是對基本建設，

樓宇建築物的檢討和修正，重建和民生的改善，對突發事件的應變

機制和能力，更重視生命的寶貴，也希望對生命更加尊重。我相信

天主的工作，經過時間，我們更容易看到其中的彰顯。

記得 911 時，很多外教人問，我們的天主在那裡﹖在這眾多的不幸事件中，讓我引述一位神父的說話﹕「我們的天父，就在當

日他的愛子耶穌為我們受難受死被釘在十字架上時，就在那裡，在

祂的聖子身旁。」我們是天主的肖像，也是天主的兒女，天主從來沒

媒體的慎言慎聽 連聯波

4

人與人之間的溝通有很多類型，例如同事之間，同學之間，

朋友之間，兄弟姐妹之間，夫妻之間，上司下屬之間，老師學生之

間，父母子女之間，父母與子女的另一半之間。 當中往往一提到婆

媳之間的關係及溝通，在大部份人的腦海中都會出現很負面的意

識， 婆媳糾紛，家嘈屋閉等等。前陣子香港有一套很流行的連續劇

叫「野蠻奶奶」，用很開玩笑的型式將婆媳糾紛，爭權，爭寵的情

節搬到公仔箱，亦敘述了兒子/丈夫做夾心的艱苦。 劇終當然是大

團圓結局，但這套連續劇已經做到第二輯了，難道這暗示婆媳關係

是多麼複雜，多麼被受關注嗎﹖為甚麼沒有一套連續劇的題材是圍

繞外母和女婿的相處之道呢﹖

其實我認為，婆媳之間相處之道和其他關係一樣，都是依照

將心比己，以禮待人，給對方適當的私人空間的方法。 很多時候聽

到別人心中婆媳間的怨言，大多數都是「為什麼她會這樣說話﹖」

「她不應該這樣做的﹗」「真是氣死我了﹗」「太煩了﹗」「管得

太多了﹗」其實當遇到不愉快的事情，或不能聽入耳的說話時，不

妨嘗試退一步靜心想想，用對方的角度找出對方的出發點，相信都

會是善意的，也許對方的表達方式是自己不習慣及不認同的一套，

也嘗試去接受對方吧﹗畢竟人與人之間是要經過時間去了解，才能

找出一個共融的溝通方法。

我不是一個話很多的人，尤其與一些陌生或剛開始建立的關

係，我更加長話短說，沉默，微笑。 起初一開始知道要面對和奶奶

相處時，我的心情也戰戰兢兢，因為這個關係一定要用心去學習。

處理得好，家人是要面對一輩子的，家庭能夠和諧才會活得健康，

舒適，非常懼怕我會成為電視劇中的一個主角，把情節變成現實。

兒子/丈夫在婆媳間相處，扮演一個非常重要的溝通橋樑，

Emily 溝通

有離開我們。願我們不要懷疑，要堅信天主與我們同在。

願在主內平安。主佑﹗

5

「婆婆，我好掛住你呀！……」——這是我孫兒從香港掛來

的電話對我說的話。望著電話，心中除了激起對最近全家移居香港

的四歲半男外孫的渴想外，也相信那句「愛人者，人恆愛之」是個

真理之言！同時亦喚起我對小女兒從前一切的思憶來。

孫兒滿月後便由我來照顧了。手抱著他竟覺彷彿抱著三十

多年前的女兒(孫兒的媽媽)。原來他們的模樣是那麼的相像：同樣

有對圓亮的大眼睛，嘴角泛起的笑意也是一般的迷人，白嫩的皮膚

亦活像個粉雕的人兒。我的小女兒真是個可人兒！她的誕生令比她

大五和六歲的哥哥姊姊雀躍不已，她的爸媽更是歡欣莫名了﹗

每天放學回家(我是當教師的) ，見到那三個可愛的子女時，

便會忘掉一切的辛勞和煩惱。有時真的希望時間可以停下來，讓我

永遠擁有那份幸福感！可是這種想法立刻被理智壓了下去，因為我

知道上主賜給人有子女的小生命，是要父母栽培他成為完人。於是

我決心要盡力好好的養育他們。飲食方面，盡量給他們做適量和均

假若不是他做得好，我相信今天我和奶奶的關係也不會如此自然。

一開始時很多時候我都要從丈夫那裏了解及解釋奶奶的行動及說

話，很多時候我也會先問過丈夫的意見才敢表達自已的意見。 也許

你會認為「這樣太麻煩了吧！ 」也許我用的方法太保守，不過「小

心駛得萬年船」畢竟我相信丈夫了解妻子，兒子了解母親，一定比

媳婦了解奶奶多。 在丈夫/兒子的協助下，加上時間的相處及了解，

慢慢婆媳間的相處及溝通變得自然，丈夫/兒子這個間接的溝通橋

樑的責任也漸漸變小。 要是婆媳都是抱著為家庭融洽，愛兒子，愛

丈夫的同一心態，不想令兒子/丈夫難做，而且無須要爭寵，爭在兒

子/丈夫心中的地位，因為我們倆在他心中都有不同的重要地位。

茫茫人海中夫婦的結合是天主的安排，他的家人也是一樣

的，耶穌曾經說過︰「愛你的鄰人」何況這是你的家人呢﹖只要是

用愛的心去看、聽、思考及行動，一切不必要的衝突及誤會也會很

安然地化解。

呂太 一位母親的育兒分享

6

衡的膳食；除了假日間中上館子外，平日多是一家人圍桌共進晚餐

的。尚幸多年來他們都保有強健的體魄和肥瘦適中的體型，很少有

超重和長暗瘡的苦惱。

教育方面，為他們選那些辦學認真的教會學校去求學。慶幸

在學階段他們都能歡喜地上學、用心的學習、回家後亦自動的做妥

功課，我只須從旁輔助點便可。至今我仍未忘當日他們飯後圍著那

張大圓桌各自做課業的情景。由於小學階段的基礎打得不錯，隨後

的中學學業也順利完成，畢業時的成績也屬中上。可惜當時大學收

生的標準因僧多粥少之故而定得高不可攀，令人只可望門興歎﹗

既然考不上當地大學，為了前途故我們只得竭盡所能及所有

給他們陸續赴美升學。分隔港美兩地的我們，彼此都為籌措所需用

錢和追求學問奮鬥了幾年。幸好他們終能相繼的戴上四方帽和穿學

士袍去參加畢業禮，後來都留居美國且都結婚成家了。

最近聽人談到「如何與人溝通﹖」的話題時，我不禁想到自

己的育兒方法來。其中教導他們立身處世和待人之道，大都來自我

早年在校學得的金科玉律。那時我把那些話銘記心中，後來也盡力

生活出來。在中國古籍中，我聽到先賢的訓勉：「修德立功要行仁

義。」「行事待人要忠信。」「律己嚴，待人寬。」「己所不欲勿施

於人；己欲達而達人」等。我又聽到耶穌在聖經中教我們得天國的

方法：「人要得永生就須行善避惡，愛人如己。」「人生要服務於

人，非受人服侍。」「待人要慷慨，對己要犧牲」等。至於耶穌所

說「神貧的人是有福的……」的話，我卻另有想法：我雖袋中無錢，

但心中是富有的，因為我心中有愛。我相信我心中的富足感，有些

是來自我的子、女、婿、媳和三個孫兒對我的愛。

7

良好的溝通是人生幸福的要素，嬰兒從呱呱落地開始，一來

到這世界上，就要開始學習溝通。肚子餓了，小寶貝便會哭。身體

不舒服時，小寶貝亦會哭。慈愛的媽媽便會把小寶貝所渴望的，所

需求的賜給他，滿足小寶寶的需要，這就是愛的溝通。

上主賜給我們很多恩典，衪賜給我們一個温暖的家，可愛的

朋友，尊敬的長輩，把我們放在衪認為是為我們最合適的人羣中，

要我們跟他們相遇，相識，甚至生活在一起。這些都是上主的旨意，

所以我們應該樂意地接納上主所安排的，與圍繞着我們的人好好地

溝通，過着開心愉快的生活，這是上主所喜悅的。

溝通的方式有兩種，一種是愛的溝通，另一種是自我的溝

通。

愛的溝通是以愛為中心，以關懷，體諒別人為宗旨。例如我

們對所認識的人給予他們一個甜蜜的微笑，一句關懷的問候，一些

慈祥的安慰，一顆善解人意及感恩的心，把自己的位置轉移到別人

的位置上，以諒解，寬恕為原則，這就是愛的溝通。

自我的溝通就是以自我為中心，完全不顧及別人的能力，別

人的感受，自己認為別人應該按照自己所要求的，所渴望的，所需

要的，都要付諸實行，滿全自己對別人的期望，甚至苛求。這就是

自我的溝通，或可以說是自私的溝通。

上主是愛，衪希望我們無論在任何時間，任何環境，都要懷

着一顆愛的心去和別人溝通。我們對父母，長輩，神長，師長，都

應該以尊重及敬愛他們為原則，我們和他們溝通時的語氣要温和，

態度要謙虛。如有不同意見時，我們要耐心地和他們商量及溝通，

找尋一個妥善的解決辦法。因為他們是我們的恩人，我們要感謝他

們。父母對我們養育之恩，這種恩情深似海，子女真是無以為報。

神長包括神父，修士，修女也是我們宗教團體內的大恩人，他們是

天主特別揀選的，亦是天主特別寵愛的一羣人。他們終生奉献給上

主，為宣揚福音及拯救人靈。如果沒有他們那種犧牲的精神，沒有

他們傳揚福音，我們又怎會認識上主呢？所以我們做教友的，對神

Melissa Poon 良好的溝通

8

職人員都應該懷着一種感恩，尊敬，愛慕的心。並要關懷，順從，

支持他們，使他們感到温暖。因為是他們帶領我們走向基督，這是

人世間最大的恩典，我們又怎能忘記呢？所以我們和神職人員溝通

時，要本着愛為原則，這是上主所喜悅的。

做父母或做長輩的更加應該用愛來和子女或後輩溝通，關

懷的問候，體諒的愛心，無限的寬恕，無條件的支持。當子女成功

時，應多加讚賞。但當他們失敗時，做父母應伸以同情的援手，扶

助子女重新建立信心，責備和抱怨是無補於事的。主耶穌願意我們

學習衪的良善心謙，用愛來和子女溝通。

在現今繁華的社會，道德觀念日漸低落，夫婦離婚率上升，

這是非常令人痛心的事。大好的家庭要破碎，我們跟隨基督的人絕

對不能隨波逐流，世俗的壞風氣絕不能進入我們的思維，影響我們

高超的人格。要挽救這種風氣，首先要從自己家庭做起，夫婦的溝

通是非常重要的。

夫婦溝通之道要注意下列幾點：

1 要改變自己，接受對方。夫婦兩人要接受對方的優點及缺

點，對方的優點要多加讚賞，鼓勵，使之更發揚光大。對方的缺點

要包容，寬恕及體諒，勸勉並扶持，幫助對方改善，並要耐心地規

勸，千萬不要責備。

2 夫婦溝通的技巧非常重要，做妻子的對丈夫說話時，聲音

要溫柔，態度要平靜，常帶微笑，在非原則性問題上，應多服從丈

夫，做他的賢內助，讓家庭充滿愛的温馨。

3 做丈夫的應熱愛妻子，視妻子為掌上明珠，如獲至寶，要

非常珍惜及感謝上主賜給他一位賢淑可愛的妻子。

4 夫婦兩人如有意見不同時，要平心靜氣地談判，千萬不要

批判。亦不要收藏心底，一定要坦言相告，商討，找出合理的答案，

更不應批評或指責。相反地，要用愛的溝通來維繫美滿家庭的温馨。

總括而言，無論對任何人，我們都應該用愛心來做溝通的橋

樑。如遇到難題時，雙方要靜默片刻，一齊祈禱，求天主聖神的光

照，賜給雙方智慧，來做一個明智的決定。良好的溝通是幸福人生

的要素，亦是上主所喜悅的。我們要常常活出基督的愛，做一個真

9

實為主作証的基督徒。我們要做地上的鹽，世界的光，帶領別人歸

向基督，這是我們的使命啊。

Communication has come a long way, from telegram to instant messaging and cell phones. When technology began to form, people used telegrams to send messages to family and friends from all around the world; however, they could only send short messages. Then, we developed the phone and a mail system. Although the mail system worked, it was not efficient enough. It took weeks to receive mail and sometimes, the mail was lost and never received. Since communication was difficult, people rarely used the telephone, telegraph or mail system. In this day and age, we have so many new forms of communication. Teenagers spend most of their time on the computer, on the phone, watching television, spending time with friends or doing extracurricular activities. All these are forms of communication. We come home from sports or school and turn on the TV or go online to talk to our friends. Since we have so many new ways to communicate, we are able to communicate with others so much more. Although it is good that we can communicate easily, it is also bad that people abuse the different systems. For example, if you cross the street and look at the drivers, a third of them are talking on a cell phone which is distracting and dangerous. When you go onto the computer at night, everyone is multitasking- chatting, doing homework, and checking their e-mail. This takes up so much more time than just doing our homework and talking to friends later. We have already been labeled “generation M”; M for multitask. Communication has not only improved, but it is becoming a bad habit. The healthy way to communicate is verbally, in person.

Amy Wong Communication

10

人類自古以來，人與人的溝通和表達訊息的種類隨著科技的

進步愈來愈繁多，計有言語、表情、身體語言、文字等等。隨著人

與人之間的溝通，我們彼此才能建立關係、互相了解。如果沒有任

何溝通，也自然無法建立關係，或甚至彼此漸被遺忘。

其實，任何溝通的方法都非常重要，單方面的溝通而沒有對

方的回應，這不算是溝通。溝通必須是雙方互通才算溝通。

我們教友有否曾經想過人與神的溝通？與天主的關係密切

嗎？或者有些什麼方式才算是與天主溝通？最直接和重要的當然

是「祈禱」。除了「祈禱」，我們有否想過我們在哪裡可以找到天

主？更加接近天主？與天主溝通？相信許多教友會認同的便是在

聖堂 --- 一個最為神聖和莊嚴的地方。

當我們閱讀聖言、聖經、宗教刊物和信友分享時，天主也會

藉著不同人物的口中去傳達訊息給我們。甚至，當有任何發生在我

們身上的事情：好與壞，天主必定帶有訊息送給我們 --- 無奈地，

有多少人能以平靜的心和忍耐去接收這些訊息或教訓，而去體會箇

中的道理、意義和教訓。

讓我藉此機會與各位分享我其中一次天主與我溝通的經驗：

大約十四年前，我還在香港工作仍未移民來美國的時候，天

主給了我人生一個大考驗，使我遇到挫折和失敗。那時我只是一個

主日教友而已。由於這次的考驗，我和天主的溝通增加了。雖然有

許多許多的問題都不能得到或「聽」到答案，但我深深感受到天主

一步一步地帶領我「走過死陰的幽谷」而我也不畏懼。之後，在我

不斷祈禱和等候的時候，我被邀請加入了聖母軍。由於我上班的時

間很長，是由上午七時至晚上九時半，我一直懷疑我是否能勝任。

（因為當我宣誓加入聖母軍後，我必須平均要每星期開一個半至兩

小時會議，以及要工作最少一至兩小時。）剛好在我宣誓加入聖母

軍之前的一星期，我的內心還在爭扎、猶疑之際 ……… 天主回應

了我的祈禱﹕那天應該是週末上午，我在床上剛醒過來，我突然

紫娟 溝通

11

望見一道白光照在牆上（我心裡知道這是天主的光。）那時我認定

我自己還在做夢，沒有理會，繼續睡覺，奇怪地我感覺那白光還在，

我便張開眼睛，那白光仍在，我有點緊張，便用雙手摸摸床上的被

鋪 ，發現自己不似做夢。突然有另一道金色的光照向牆上的另一角，

那方形圓角金色的光帶有一位側面婦女帶頭巾的黑色影像，我便立

刻問「你是聖母嗎？」她立刻回答我一個「是」的訊息 --- 不是英

文或中文。那時我的內心仍然很平安。然後，我突然看見在我面前

半空吊了一串白色玫瑰唸珠（那是我帶往開聖母軍會議唯一的唸

珠，之前我剛發現十字架上一邊有一條裂痕。）然後那串玫瑰唸珠

掉在我的心口上 --- 那時，我已經知道天主要我唸玫瑰經 ……

天主知道我最怕唸玫瑰經的。我把玫瑰唸珠拾起來，看見十字架腳

下多了一條裂痕，我感覺非常奇怪。

當日我起床後，因為非常忙碌，我一整天都把我所看見的事

情放在心裡，沒有告訴任何人，而且我還懷疑自己是否真的在做夢。

忙了一整天之後，回家大概已是九時左右，我匆忙去找那串

玫瑰唸珠來看看。當我拿出來看的時候，如以往一樣，只有一條裂

痕，而並未看見腳下有裂痕。那時我在心裡想，那定必是做夢。我

一直想和說出此話之時，我的手仍然拿著這個十字架看著 …… 漸

漸地大約一分至兩分鍾 …… 腳下的裂痕出現了在我的眼前 ……

回想整個經歷、奇蹟過程，天主把我內心許多許多的問題都

一一解答了，而且更加肯定了我所走的路和做事的方向 --- 是天

主的意思。

雖然不是每個教友都有我這樣的奇蹟經歷，最重要的並不

是奇蹟，而是我們對天主的信心。如果我們深信上主是無處不在，

不論我們在何時何地，思想、和心裡說話，天主是肯定聽到的，而

且是隨時可與天主傾訴和溝通的。

願我們全能的上主增加我們的信德，讓聖神賜我們智慧去

洞悉天主的話語，使我們所言所行，皆出天主美意，善用我們溝通

的技巧去散播種子，傳揚福音於普世。亞孟。

12

5 月 5 日在上班駕駛途中，從電台新聞報導得悉旋風侵襲緬甸仰光附近亞落威地三角洲地帶，消息指房屋被吹毀、大樹翻倒、

水電中斷、死亡人數和無家可歸者數以萬計。聽聞後我的心非常難

過，心想緬甸是世界上最窮的國家之一，物資非常短缺，緬甸人民

的生活本已是很艱苦，這次災難帶來嚴重的傷害，要處理善後，肯

定要面對很多的問題和障礙。

過了幾天，5 月 12 日，我本是上網查看緬甸災情，卻發現 了四川發生大地震的消息，當時覺得很震驚。初步報導大約 9,000 人死亡，約 900 學生被困在學校瓦礫中，並有化學毒氣流出，災情

十分嚴重。我感覺很悲痛，哀傷的眼淚也不斷湧出。為甚麼？為甚

麼？為甚麼巨大的災難悲劇在距離十天之內，先後發生在緬甸、中

國：我的原生地、我的祖國。

我是緬甸華僑，是緬甸出生的中國人。小時候在緬甸生活，

在學校學習英文和緬甸文，在家裡我們學習中文、中國文化和接受

傳統的教育。我雖受兩國民族的傳統思想影響，但清楚知道我的祖

先來自中國，我的根是在中國，我體內流的是中國血。可怖的災難

奪去緬甸和中國千萬人的生命、災難使人家破人亡：小孩失去父

母、父母失去獨生兒/女、人和動物的屍體浮在河面，沒有人處理、

屍體堆在路上。在電視看到慘不忍睹的災情，令我傷心透了。緬甸

政府拒絕外來的支援是人為的悲劇，遲緩的搶救只會使更多人死

亡，真是無奈。四川的救災行動雖迅速，但仍受到餘震的威脅，到

處山泥傾瀉，救援工作困難重重，未掘出的屍體發出陣陣異味。眼

見同胞受難，我又無能為力，身同感受，也是痛苦。

懷念緬甸的風土人情，緬甸人是純品有禮貌的民族。緬甸土

地肥沃，曾經農業發達，出產世界上最靚的米；國土資源豐富，以

出產寶石、 緬甸玉等聞名於世。在腐敗的軍政府統治下，國家日漸

衰落， 人財流失。 若不是排華， 我們不會離開。我們的祖先前輩

在緬甸落葉歸根， 挨過了很艱辛的日子。他們懷著希望生活，當政

府稍為開放，為人民帶來些少福利的時候，他們已經很興奮滿足。

Alice Chan 分擔痛苦、 分享希望

13

我記得外婆很開朗地以台山話說 : 「緬甸好轉了! 」。

我真希望緬甸局勢會慢慢好轉。現在當務之急，希望緬甸政

府改變初衷，接受外援， 迅速挽救生命，防止疫症暴發，幫助生還

者重建家園。

以血濃於水的感情來惦念祖國。四川災民受苦，像是自己的

親戚朋友受苦。近年中國開放，經濟發展迅速；舉辦奧運，承擔起

各種挑戰壓力。我國正在穩步上揚，進軍國際途中。今年遇上兩次

災難，這是上天給中國的考驗嗎? 大地震之後，中國反應迅速，接

受國際支援，展開救災行動。媒體的全面報導，牽起世界各地僑胞

的心，紛紛發起賑災募捐行動。天災無情，人間有情，相信這災難

浩劫過後，堅強不服輸的四川人會重獲信心，再重建設，迎合更有

規模的將來。災難奪走人的生命，卻不能奪走希望。希望有更多人

肯施出援手，繼續幫助、支持災民重建身心的家園。

沒有人知道上天為何容許災難的發生……或許，是為人類的

皈依…為了淨化…為了洗滌…為了基督的再次來臨…又或許…。

不幸事情發生了，由它發生。沒有人知道將來會再發生甚麼事。基

督徒相信有一位至高者掌管一切，祂能使我們所奉獻的痛苦化為恩

寵。遇難的經歷，使人醒覺人是多麼渺小、人的能力多麼有限。生

命是脆弱的，我們應活在當下，珍惜擁有，包括身邊的人和事。為

今天活著的幸福而感恩。

耶穌教導門徒說: 「你們該彼此相愛，如同我愛了你們一

樣。」 (若 15:12) 幸福就是認識耶穌，聽從祂的教導並付諸實 行。耶穌愛人，祂分擔人類經歷考驗的痛苦。我們獻出愛心，幫助

災民的需要，關心貧窮者、照顧弱小者的善功，必為天主所悅納。

希望每個人都能珍惜去愛和被愛的機會。希望大家幸福。

14

人與人之間的互動藉著言語或文字得以溝通。言為心聲，說

話是最直接的表達方式。我們在彌撒後的茶會共聚，彼此問好 ，互

相分享一些健康知識，烹飪技巧……等等都能增進彼此的了解和感

情，與蕭神父交談更是如沐春風。

曾有人跟我說很難和老人家相處，因無法溝通，這就要先了

解老年人的內心及需求。人老了，自然是機能退化，大多是腦筋不

靈，記憶力差，新的事物記不了，舊的卻是忘不掉，因此他們的話

題總是＂想當年＂，重複又重複講述他們過去的風光日子或是艱辛

歲月。我們除了做個聆聽者，還可以答上一兩句稱讚或安慰的說話。

當他們跟你訴說心中的不快、不安、焦慮、甚至是恐懼，必須即時

作出適當的回應。對老年人講話要簡單而又易理解。原來給他們講

講聖經故事可以舒解其內心困擾。我家中的老人家最愛聽的是耶穌

所行的神蹟。譬如講耶穌參加加納婚宴，如何把水變成美酒，使瞎

子復明，癱子行走，甚至叫雅依洛死去的女兒復活。這些故事令老

人家聽得入神，聽後覺得歡心，每日手持唸珠誦唸玫瑰經覺得有所

依恃，不再憂心忡忡了。

不但年老的人需要幫助，小孩子的腦子在成長中，尚未成

熟，亦需輔導。教導小孩好比扶植幼苗，給予支持和適當地矯正，

使之不致歪斜。回憶好幾年前在我幼女家中目睹的一幕，印象深刻，

至今難忘。記得那時看到兩個年約七、八歲的小女孩不知在爭拗什

麼，鬧得不可開交，一同跑去找母親評道理。只見那年輕的媽媽一

邊聽著，一邊輕拍孩子的肩膊，低聲說了幾句話。一會兒，我聽到

其中一個小孩對另一個說「sorry」，又給對方一個 hug，跟著我聽到兩個聲音同時說︰「I love you」，然後手拉手蹦蹦跳跳一同去玩了。很欣賞那年輕媽媽的處理手法，她懂得培養孩子們的互諒和互愛。

筆者已年逾古稀，至感欣慰的是主日可以和長女同去聖堂望

彌撒。在彌撒中互祝平安時，緊緊擁著女兒說聲 Peace be with you，既感受到母女的愛，亦懷感恩之情，感謝主的恩賜。

再要感謝主，讓我在美國而有此機緣參與華人天主教會的粵

敬老扶幼 Camilla Fok

15

語主日彌撒。在彌撒中惜未能和各位弟兄姊妹們一一握手互祝平

安，藉此機會讓我跟大家說︰ Peace be with you! I love you!

近日不管是莎朗史東的〝天譴論〞又或是香港嫩模文詠珊

的〝因果論〞都引起了廣泛的評論和爭議。有人大聲唾罵，也有

人抱怨這兩個人不應在傷口上撒鹽。在這個悲痛的時候還要說一

些即使不是幸災樂禍也算是雪上加霜的話。當我初聽到的時候，

也覺得有點過份，但當靜下來後我卻另有體會。還記得數年前的

非典型肺炎，把人們嚇得半死，本來衛生程度偏低的地方，一下

子都提高到像手術室一樣乾淨。911 之後，機場保安嚴緊得多，感恩節的時候也多了回家團聚的人們。緬甸的風災和四川的地震只

是在一個月內發生的事，但救災行動正是此起彼落。帶出這一大

串的例子只是想提出一個事實，為甚麼總是在亡羊之後才知道要

去補牢？既然早知道怎麼樣去補牢又何必總是要等到亡羊之後

呢？沒錯每每在災難之後，人們的良心、善心、愛心都會被激發

出來，但太平盛世的日子中我們可當真的願意認真地拿出財富的

一部份去幫助那些不夠溫飽的人，難道風災、地震之前那裹的人

就個個豐衣足食嗎？只是那時候他們的聲音太小，大家聽不見而

己。賬災活動中曾經有人說﹕「上天，求禰不用死這麼多人來証

明國家領導人的愛民; 上天，求禰不要讓這麼多家破人亡來讓我

們見証大家良心未泯。」初聽之時頗有同感，但回心一想，過去

不是曾有多少次類似的災難發生過嗎？為何社會進步了，扺禦自

然災害的能力高了，但人的純厚質樸，今天幾乎蕩然無存。城市

的人越來越擠迫，但人與人的距離卻越來越遠？近年的氣溫日趨

炎熱，但我們的心卻日漸冷漠？天主雖然已賜給我們聖言、更派

遣了衪的兒子來為人們補過，也成立了萬千的教會，但畢竟我們的

心還是那麼硬，未能洞悉天主的意思和明暸我們的軟弱。我不敢

糊亂猜測天災究竟是自然的偶合，還是天主在跟我們溝通，要我

們在繁華的夢中偶然醒過來，不要在名、利之中耽得太久。

孔丘 隨想

16

最近看了（飽思高家庭通訊），給了我很大的反省。 教會向

世界宣告，一些人物被確認為可敬者，真福者，或聖人，除了表示

他們的信仰行為及生命態度，堪當成為我們效法的榜樣外，更重要

的是彰顯天主恩寵的大能，能夠去除罪惡的影晌，提升人性，回復

人類本來天主肖像的真面目。

澤菲林、拿蒙古拉是慈幼會的學生，後來更當了備修生，以

接近慈幼會準會士的身份，返回天上家鄉。我們固然欣賞他與天主

聖寵合作付出的努力，但最令我感興趣的，是過程中慈幼會士所給

予的引導，如何使他把天主的恩寵，發揮得淋漓盡致。

這關鍵就是我們成年人權力要放手，耶穌也曾教門徒，不要

做大，要做小孩，才能入天國。現在是青年人的世界，如教宗所訓

示，要培育年青人為領袖。因此，我們放下自己的慾望和權柄，做

天主所願意我們做的，這才是一個好信徒，亦是承受天國的好國民。

司鐸是天主的特選者，是天主所愛的。 我們團體很幸運，有

一位較年輕的長駐司鐸，為我們粵語組服務。看看現在每主日的彌

撒中教友的增長，是有目共睹的事實。假如不是上主所喜悅的，決

沒有這現像。

因此，我們必需對牧者有一份感激的心，不是歧視及反對，

而是合作。我們團體現在青年人才濟濟，只要有好的 領導人及教育，不難看見天主賜與的恩寵。就是教他們履行基督徒的使命，關心和

留意身邊的人和事物。盡力使信德和愛德在生活中實踐出來。

澤菲林、拿蒙古拉被列入真福品，提醒我們要有效地栽培青

少年，邁向全人發展，甚至聖德高峰。天主是「世界的光」，我們

分擔祂的使命，油燈應要燃點和放出來才有用的，它光照世界的黑

暗，而引領人得救恩，但如果把它放床下，它便不能光照家中各人，

亦失去它的作用。

鹽是萬味之王，任何一道佳餚都不能缺少它。如果鹽沒有鹹

味，等同沒用。 我們也是一樣，如果我們基督徒每天沒有祈禱，只

顧吃喝玩樂，不宣揚主的愛和福音，不把主愛人的精神和忠信的生

反省 Mary Lam

17

活來吸引人，那麼我們就好像沒有鹹味的鹽一樣，沒有了作用，也

即是說不配做一位名符其實的基督徒。要做一位名符其實的基督

徒，首先要肩負起基督徒的使命，勸勉世人與天主和好，行善而不

張揚，多親近心靈破碎的人，對自己一切諾言忠信不欺。要善用自

己的才能，發揮自己的長處，去幫助有需要的人。

提起慈幼會，我是鮑斯高慈幼協進會的成員，慈幼會可說是

我生命中的一部份呢。何解？ 說來話長，因為我先生是一位慈幼會

學生，自八歲開始就在慈幼會學校寄宿及長大。 因此，他的教育，

就是慈幼會會祖鮑斯高神父的教育。而我與他結婚後，在上世紀四

五十年代，也曾在香港仔工藝學院幫助神父做一些工作，因此也感

染了慈幼會的精神。先生也曾取笑我，你最好去當母佑會修女，我

說若未結婚一定會去。可惜我沒有這福份！（一笑）

這篇炒雜錦的文章，請各位讀者不要見怪，多多包涵。主佑

大家心靈平安。

最近架車時經常聽到這樣收音機的廣告:＂父親節快到， 記得

向敬愛的父親表示:不單止用言語， 還要用實際行動(Love you Dad: not just tell him, but show him)!＂ 雖然這只是廣告商招徠的口號，希望聽眾趁著節日購買禮物

送給父親， 但同時令我想起作者 Gary Chapman 的一本暢銷書＂The Five Love Languages＂。作者 Dr.Chapman 累積超過 30 年婚姻生活， 牧民， 以及婚姻輔導的經驗,發現一般人雖然用不同方式表達對方

的愛， 但通常對某些表達方式的感受及接收能力特別強， 於是覺得

每人都有一種愛的語言(Love Language): 1. Words of Affirmation (語言上肯定對方) 2. Quality Time (抽時間陪伴對方) 3. Receiving Gifts (預備禮物送給對方) 4. Acts of Service (個人犧牲以服務對方) 5. Physical Touch (親蜜接觸來感應對方)

The Five Love Languages 連聯多 (Andrew)

18

每人都喜歡被愛， 都需要補充 "愛的儲備" (Love Tank)。表面上每人都喜歡別人以任何一種愛的方式來表達， 但通常都會對其中一種

方式特別高興而增加 "愛的儲備" (fill up love tank)， 同樣如果長期缺乏其中一種方式會特別難受而消耗 "愛的儲備" (drain out love tank)。就以小孩子為例， 因為孩子最真實， 無論高興與否都會毫不保留地表現無遺。 假如發覺孩子是第一種愛的語言， 父母的正面鼓

勵和肯定說話會幫助孩子在充滿愛和喜樂的環境下健康成長， 相反

父母的負面責備和傷害說話會嚴重阻礙這個孩子的發展及成長。同

樣如果發覺太太是第二種愛的語言， 那麼平時一起散步， 傾談， 欣

賞表演比起家用或生日禮物更重要。 相反丈夫因長時間工作而忽略

抽空陪伴對方， 會令太太耗盡 "愛的儲備" (empty love tank)而造成溝通障礙或關係緊張。

在日常生活中， 當我觀察兒子需要第五種愛的語言時， 我會

嘗試放鬆自己讓他靠近， 偶然扮成他的 "人工椅子" 或者享受成為

他的 "臨時枕頭" ,暫時以非言語感應對方。又當我觀察太太需要第

四種愛的語言時， 我會留意家中需要幫助的事情， 有時放工很累想

休息， 但覺得不應放過機會 "fill up love tank" ， 總之盡力而為。雖然結婚十年但經常有很多地方仍要改進及學習， 所以很高興太太送

給我這本書， 幫助我不斷學習為家人， 朋友和自己增加 "愛的儲

備" (fill up love tank)， 願主保佑大家一起加油 "fill it up" !

19

Communication: noun, the imparting or interchange of thoughts, opinions, or information by speech, writing, or signs. Through the centuries of time, communication has been the basic foundation for all that we know and love. Without it, pyramids would not have been built, advancements in medical and technological fields not made, and people that we know not met. Often times in a movie theater, they play a small preview that says silence is golden, but I can’t help but to think that if silence is golden, then communication must shine with the radiance of the sun. Ever since I first started kindergarten, my report cards would always say that I was found opening my mouth and blabbering more often than sitting quietly and doing my work. Why is that? It’s because communication gives away a part of you. It shows people who you are, how you were brought up, what you hold dear to your heart, and what is on your mind. Arguably, actions speak louder than words, and though I think they can never be louder since when you speak, an audible sound comes out; actions are just as important as speech. Communication can make or break you, and it’s wise to keep that in mind. Trying to understand when people do not speak their mind eloquently and instead look to their actions for guidance, or vice versa. A lack of communication is one of the biggest relationship breakers, so next time a problem arises, just remember that communication is the key to success, or so says the annoyingly loud and talkative guy in my 1st period English class. Communication is a gift from God, so let’s not take it for granted. Make conversation with a stranger, give a flower to someone, hug your mother, say your please and thank you, and most importantly, don’t forget to keep talking, to keep writing, and to keep showing your heart through your actions.

My view of Communication Elizabeth Cheung

This one word can mean differently to each person. According to dictionary.com, communication is “the imparting or interchange of thoughts, opinions, or information by speech, writing, or signs.” This definition is definitely not communicating with me. Communication is the act of people relating to each other which is a medium for getting to know each other better. To put it more simply, communication is what people do to become more of a friend and less of a stranger. As a teenager, I have heard from many parents that we, teens, are angry, jaded, and more than often, incommunicable with. I have been a teen and I am still one. Frankly, I communicate better with teens than most adults would.

There is more to the dash between Parents-Teens Kelvin Wong

20

I hear people calling us the “angry” group of kids who are just pissed off at everything. This statement is extremely outrageous. Even as teenagers, we have more neurotransmitters than only catecholamine. As most of you, readers, are wondering, catecholamine is chemical your brain releases as it reacts to specific scenarios that basically, make you angry. I wonder if you, as the audience of this composition, are angry for being talked down to with my use of this textbook term. This is how teens feel. Parents say they know what we have been through and made their share of mistakes. Therefore it would be wise for us to heed their advice. They lecture teens about how important school is like they have been through it all and school is what matters the most. This is true to an extent. The times are different. Being Asian, I realize from my friends and personal experiences, Grownups focus a lot on school. School is important but we aren’t in china anymore. The school system here does not only focus on test scores. High school is a lot more about discovering who we are, building bonds with friends, and preparing to go on to college where test scores are really the only thing that counts. As our parents only talk to us about scores and college while we are thinking about going to the movies or to the mall or hanging out with friends, we get irritated and obviously, we get a vibe that we aren’t understood. Here we stand being talked down to about school and college while time is passing by. Childhood comes once and once only. Instead of hanging out with friends, we are to study and go to summer schools. Maybe this is a possible reason we seem angry. No matter our age, it isn’t like we don’t want to have a good future. Everyone wants a better life. With some space and a little motivation, we can do just as well as adults grinding us with lectures every minute of the day. Here is advice for Asian parents: just calm down. Regardless of age, looking out for ourselves has never been an issue. It doesn’t take many words to set a kid down the right road. Everyone knows what score we need to make it into Stanford and what GPA it takes to be accepted by UCLA. We just wish to spend some time with the friends we make along the way. A big part of why we are deemed “incommunicable with” is due to our apparent jadedness. As teens, we are supposedly indifferent to just about everything. That is a bias and false opinion. We do care about the children in Darfur, the war in Iraq, the gas prices rising. We care about more than just video games and the newest sitcom. As we are approached by questions like “how school is” or “which college are you going to” or “how were your grades” from just about every adult, it gets pretty hard to communicate. When a person asks you the same question daily,

21

wouldn’t you start avoiding that person? Our replies to any question to an adult is probably a blunt simply answer. We don’t wish to not talk than to converse with someone who will lead pretty much any topic to school and college. It is just awkward talking with adults when they all ask the same thing and somehow relate everything to college. Most of all, issues are always subjective. One may argue Hitler did the world a favor or abortion is totally ethical. Adults talk to us as though as they are right and we are wrong. What is wrong with us thinking another way? As a result of our freedom of thought, we are dubbed naive and jaded. We may put friends as a higher priority than homework and even say the church is overrated but that doesn’t mean we aren’t entitled to our own opinions. Adults, you say we are wrong and dumb while you force your beliefs onto us. Then when we avoid you guys by not speaking whole-heartedly, you say we are “incommunicable with.” A tip to adults: quit talking about just school twenty four/seven and let us have our own opinions. In light of what is written, I wonder if any word, phrase, or sentence has gotten a motor neuron running. As you may notice, both paragraphs have a lot to do with what adults talk to us about. From what I hear from teens I talk to, not many actually talk to parents about friends and leisure activities. It seems like all that goes on throughout the conversations between parents and their offspring is about school and college. It is always about the 2400, the 4.0+ GPA, and most of all, comparing scores between one kid to another. We teens really don’t care what score that Ching Chang Bob got down the street or the Chen Chang Ping from the next school got. To us, there is more to life than a number and a letter grade. We are not “incommunicable with.” We have a Larynx to talk, a temporal lobe to analyze what we see and hear, a whole frontal section of the brain to make decisions, and even nerves enable sign language. With all these mediums at our disposal and we are still called that! We choose to talk to those who can relate to us. When adults “communicate with us,” no thought, opinion, or information is interchanged. It is the adults ranting while we listen or at least pretend to. So as the title suggests, there is more to the dash between Parents-Teens. Ask us about the latest movies in theatres, or who is going to win the NBA finals, or who is our best

22

friend and do we have a plan to go hang out soon. Don’t just talk to us about the same things, it gets boring if not annoying. There has got to be more common interests/experiences than just a classroom with textbooks and a bunch of tests that lead us into a bigger classroom and harder tests. Also, don’t impose an opinion on us. I may think the pope is simply human; you may call him “your excellence.” Just don’t call me wrong. Communication is the interchanging between multiple parties, meaning it isn’t one sided. With these above sentences in mind, parents, you may find us, teens, more communicable with. This composition talks about parents and teen’s relationship. Not all, just…most.

在日常的生活和工作中，我們內心或許時常會產生一種孤

寂、渺小、自卑、困惑的感覺。這種感覺是我們不喜歡和不需要的。

因為它消極 ，與成功的心理和勝利的人生背道而馳。 那麼，到底是

什麽原因造成人類的這種不良心理反應呢﹖一言以蔽之，問題就在

於我們的心靈與這個世界沒有進行有效的溝通。

我們知道，現實的世界，是一個人與人構成的世界。與這

個世界溝通，實質上就是與這個世界上的人進行溝通，而且必須

是有目的的溝通。可以說，無論我們在做什麽，或者想做什麽，

要想獲得成功，必須學會善於與人溝通。在商場有句名言，叫

做“人脈就是錢脈＂，說的就是這個意思。一個推銷員，想把自

己的產品銷售出去，就得通過廣告、促銷、登門拜訪、推荐產品

等一系列手段與客戶溝通，才能實現賺錢的目的。一個有抱負的

人， 想在工作中游刃有餘、大展雄圖，就得善於和上司、 下屬、同事進行有效的溝通，才能打通自己的成功之路。以至於年輕人

談戀愛也得學會把握住對方特殊的心理，才能機敏地跨入對方

溝通 Peter Liu

23

的情感世界中去。因此，溝通永遠是人們在生活和事業中應該掌握

的首要才能。從某種意義來講，它是我們獲取財富、快樂、幸福和健

康的最重要的手段和策略。良好的溝通可以使人際關係和諧，化解

衝突，而且還可以影響對方，使對方接納我們的要求或意見。

在這裏我想強調溝通在婚姻中的重要性。最普通的婚姻問

題是什麼？大家可能會說﹕婆媳、外遇、性、經濟、子女管教、個

性不合……而我個人認為是『溝通問題』……要記住﹕溝通問題是

所有婚姻問題的根本問題。要開啟幸福婚姻的門，這把鑰匙

就是溝通。如果溝通不良，就好像血液不流通，不能幸福。80% 的婚姻問題，都是溝通問題。

看過一本書，該書說﹕「沒有人能保證孩子會熱誠地按照

已經同意的辦法去做」。又有些父母說，他們的孩子「根本拒絕一

同解決問題」。我想父母們對這些話都會有同感，孩子聽話不聽

話，與父母教導方法不一定有關係。同樣的，最好的夫婦溝

通技術也不能防止配偶有外遇，因為無論怎樣婉言相勸，不能保

證一定可以改變人，只有神自己可以改變人心。所以，如果你有

夫婦問題，有孩子教養問題，或者任何人際問題，請你不要光光

依靠溝通技術，必須依賴最有效的辦法——禱告。

To my children and fellow youngsters, for years I have been seeing this problem and I would like to share my view with you. All living things “talk” and “listen” in their own ways which are called languages no matter they are writable or audible. The process of this “talk” and “listen” mechanism has a fancy term called “communication”. I am not going to talk about this in a sophisticated way; instead I would like to touch only the basic idea. Every one of us needs communication since we live in group regardless you are married or not, you live with your family or not; as long as you need to interact with another human being, then you need communication. Even a simple greeting to your parents, your schoolmates, teachers or the kitten on your way to school every morning; this is already communication.

I Talk and You Listen Jonny Hung

24

You may have a comment in your mind by now – what are you talking about? We all know communication, why do I have to make a big fuss on this topic?? Well you are right! We all know communication, we all can communicate BUT do we communicate efficiently? Effectively? Appropriately? Sufficiently? Now the question comes, do we really “talk” and “listen” right?? I bet you have heard about this before – we all talk but may not speak, we all hear but may not listen. That is really a good description of how bad we are in communication, you can imagine how much problem and misunderstanding could be caused as consequences; however, we don’t necessarily learn from our experience and continually correct our attitude in communication or enhance our skill either. Therefore, we have issues in various phases throughout our life, you are probably having problem talking to your parents if you are teenagers, you might have conflicts with your boss, coworkers or friends, you may still have issues even you are married with your spouse already; unfortunately you might already go around the circle and have confrontations with your teenage children. The sad thing is all these irritating situations may partly or entirely caused by BAD communication, you THINK so?! Yes, I BELIEVE SO and let me explain.

There are only 3 ways in this “complicated” mechanism: A talks, B listens then B talks, A listens -- good communication A talks, B not listens AND B talks, A not listens -- bad

communication A not talks, B not listens OR vice versa -- no communication

Of course, good communication has no guaranty on getting things done correctly BUT it leads us to a higher chance of success. Bad communication on the other hand may not necessarily create disaster. For example a kid may not want to listen to a commanding mom who forces him to wear a jacket to school in the morning, he might have told his mom that he wasn’t cold but mom didn’t care. He might just carry the jacket to school without wearing it; he might have worn it for a short while until he disappears from mom’s sight. Anyway if he didn’t catch cold or mom didn’t know the truth, things seem to be moving well and nothing turns sour; however, the relationship between mom and this kid might get worse if this way of communication becomes a habit . Another typical example of this type of communication if it happens between a couples, will possibly lead to a divorce which is sad to be seen as a common scenario among marriages yet it is not anybody’s intention. Now let’s talk about the last possible

25

situation – no communication which practically means the relationship is really not there. If this happens between two strangers, no one cares BUT if it happens between friends, siblings, family members, colleagues, couples … it is definitely not a nice picture that we want to see, agree?! Therefore, knowing that communication is playing a key role in our relationships with various people is extremely important. Many smart people may be good in their own field but they could be lousy in communicating with their families, schoolmates, friends, colleagues, spouses … no matter how well you are doing in your learning path or career journey, you are still a loser!! Thanks for your patience, now we come to the main theme of this article – how to improve our communication skill so that we can enjoy better relationship with people around us and hopefully that could lead us into a joyful life. “Talk” and “listen” are the only two pieces in this game, while “talk” is a lot tougher to play, let’s be a good listener first. You probably think everybody who is not deaf will be a good listener. NO! That leads us back to the second paragraph – we can hear but we may not listen; being a good listener we need to pay attention when we listen, more importantly we need to show our “partner”, who may be your dad, girl friend, boss or child, a positive and good attitude. Ask yourself whether you have ever shown your impatience when your mom talked to you? Have you shown your long face when your boy friend told you that you were late? Even though physicians told us that teenagers get impatient or upset easily due to imbalance on hormone secretion BUT that isn’t a valid excuse to be rude; this applies perfectly well to women who are experiencing their menopause either. This is already getting into another area – emotional quotient (EQ), we probably can discuss this topic later when we have a chance. Why do we need to show our partner a pleasant attitude? If not, who wants to talk to you any more, I think this is fairly easy to understand so try to be patient and calm when you listen. Now let us move on to the “talk” part which could be a big challenge. You may be a good “salesman” if you could convince others to “buy” your idea, on the other hand you might trigger a fight or at least argument if you didn’t “talk” in the appropriate way. What’s an appropriate way? Well it is hard to identify the elements that could enhance our speech but we definitely can name a few things which will for sure mess up our expression. No matter how sincere your speech may be, it is hard to swallow if you used negative attitude or wordings. For example, a mom comes into her child’s room and sees books, clothes, dinner plates etc. all over the place, mom is upset and start yelling to her kid: it is such a trash can, are you a pig? How could you

26

live in such a stink place? I need you to clean that up right away or you don’t have dinner. Then mom closes the door and leaves. Another typical example, wife asks husband to help putting the garbage out for next day pick up while husband is reading his newspaper, husband responds with a yes but doesn’t move an inch since he is trying to finish the paragraph he has been reading. Wife raises her voice and says: you never help out house chore, isn’t it more important reading your newspaper than helping me out for just a second? You think I am your maid and you could just sit there and enjoy your life while I am working my heart out?! Husband drops his newspaper heavily and rushes out to dump the garbage but the night is quiet since then. You might say these are extreme examples and bet that you won’t bump into these situations at all; however, these little stories happen everywhere all the time, you just don’t realize you are always part of those stories. Imagine that if you are that annoyed mom, you probably think that your child will clean up his/her room after your strong “criticism” but I could almost guaranty you that this mess will come back soon or later just because he/she is not convinced that it is his/her job to keep the room tidy. Similar scenario applies to the grumbling husband. The communication channel is completely ruined by the negative attitude or wording. Should we look at the revised version of the above mentioned cases to see if that may bring us different endings? Let say mom comes to her child’s room and sees a mess again, this time mom says: oh! You must be very busy lately don’t you? Your room needs some clean up work when you are not that busy, let me know if you need my help but I bet you should be able to handle it just by yourself. Then close the door and leave, I believe the room should look better when mom comes to check next time. Young folks you might not realize how communication could mess you up when you lose your grip on this wheel, if you ever feel that you are not welcomed by everyone then you better pay attention on this “talk” and “listen” matter, watch your attitude and use of words; it is not worth it to lose a friend or good relationship to your parents simply because of your unattended manner.

彌撒中「讀經一」之後的歌曲稱為答唱詠。讀經集中在讀經

一後提供了其對經及聖詠章節，這顯示答唱詠是針對所讀聖經而特

別編訂的， 它是對所讀聖經的答覆。宣讀聖經是新禮彌撒極為重要

的部份，而答唱詠與讀經，尤其和讀經一形成一體，不可用聖經之

外的著作取代（參《彌撒總論》57）。 答唱詠要義及其功能︰

「答唱詠」顧名思義，是指對所讀聖經的答覆或回應。為瞭

解其重要性和功能，首先需要明白彌撒中讀經的意義。讀經是「天

主向祂的子民講話，向他們揭示救贖和救恩的奧蹟，並提供精神的

食糧」。信友聆聽讀經後「以靜默和歌詠來汲取天主的聖言，並以

信德宣誓肯定他們忠於聖言．．．」（《彌撒總論》55）。 這幾句話指出聖道禮儀的基本結構 ，天主與其子民的對話。這也使我們瞭

解答唱詠的意義，它使我們﹕

1. 回想天主對我們講的話，幫助我們深思祂所啟示的旨意，也

就是「協助我們默想天主的聖言」（《總論》61），使所聽到的聖言深入心中，並能在生活中實踐。

2. 慶祝天主對我們所行的奧妙的救恩事件﹔以上所說「揭示救

贖和救恩奧蹟」，當指天主在救恩史中為人類所做的種種奇

妙事蹟，對此我們常應紀念，表示感恩，而這些事蹟透過聖

事舉行，仍繼續或活現在我們中間。因此我們常應該慶祝，

要以歌唱的方式慶祝。所以答唱詠原則上應該詠唱，表達我

們對天主的讚頌感恩。

3. 信從天主的聖言，天主所說的話是我們的食糧，這食糧是由

讀經台的餐桌為我們分施。我們要以信德接受。

4. 以聖經的話語作祈禱，答唱詠基本上是一種祈禱，是針對讀

經一內容所做的祈禱，故此不可用任何其他歌曲來取代，並

且通常是以聖詠，天主啟示的禱詞作祈禱。基督也曾用聖詠

祈禱，因此教會非常重視用聖詠祈禱，聖詠集是教會歷來專

用的祈禱手冊。

27

答唱詠的意義與實施 Mary Lam 林太

28

依撒意亞先知曾用比喻說明天主的話與人對答的關係，上主

的話「譬如雨和雪從天下，灌溉田地（指人的心靈），使之生長萌

芽，結出果實」（參依 55:10）。所以聆聽天主的話之後，要讓它存留在我們的心田，深思默想，希望在生活中結出美的果實、這應該

是答唱詠要達到的目標。

各類歌集中的聖歌，不少堂區團體，用作答唱詠，但其歌詞多不適當《彌撒經書總論》57，因此強調以非聖經作品取代有天主聖言的讀經和答唱詠是絕對禁止的。」

話說回來，我們團體的歌詠團，很多時用英文唱讀經一後的

答唱詠，我不識英文聽不懂，不知是否取用讀經一後規定的答唱詠

轉用英文詠唱。其實，我們舉行的是中文彌撒，就應用中文讀經及

答唱詠，不宜用英文。因為，未必每位參禮的信徒都懂英文，因此

為了大眾參禮信徒的益處，使每位參禮的信徒都能一同明瞭天主的

話語，一起同心同德一同讚美天主。

須知道歌詠團有責任帶領信徒虔誠地參與禮儀，並非自行

表演。而表演亦非在祭台前，而是在表演廳。

筆者這樣說似乎有些過份，希望歌詠團各位兄弟姐妹多多

原諒﹗謝謝﹗

參（見證）十一月號，趙一丹神父的文章有更長盡的報導。

小時侯聽見人家去朝聖，羨慕死了！又有得食，又有得

玩，正呀！簡直同遊山玩水吃喝玩樂沒有分別。跟著魂遊四海，

想著古色古鄉的意大利，宏偉的梵帝岡，極具氣派的法國聖母

院；幻想呷著意大利牛奶咖啡，吃著比薩批，真是其樂無窮。但

礙於沒有入教，一直只能發吓夢。 終於有機會去朝聖，今年四月教會舉行了三藩市朝聖觀光一日遊，立即報名參加。心想，大慨參加者都是長輩，自己必然

是最年輕的參加者。 誰知出發當日發現人人都扶老攜幼，參加人

朝聖 Betty Law

Baptism and Re-born Francis Cheng

29

(以下文章因上期刋登有誤，今期再重新刋登一次。如有不便之

處，敬請見諒。］

We are human beings and most human beings make mistakes. We are human beings and most human beings commit sins. When we are sober and our mind is clear, our heart realize that we did something

數有六十位，旅遊巴士滿座。蕭神父的號召力果然非同凡響！

首站我們抵達多羅雷天主教堂，是三藩市最古老的教堂，我

們參觀的是經歷過多次地震依然屹立不倒的左邊的小教堂。此小教

堂有二百多年歷史，建築未算宏偉，但那一木一瓦都充滿味道，值

得一遊。

再下來是加爾默羅苦修院。加爾默羅苦修院不大，只像一間

中學內附設的小教堂。最特別在於到訪者可以把心中所求寫在一張

紙上，苦修院的修士修女便會為您祈禱。苦修院的修士修女基本上

與外界隔絕，每天他們把自己寶貴的時間及生命奉獻給天主，為營

營役役的我們祈禱。試問有多少人能夠把名利物質都放棄，不問收

獲，只懂付出？常聽人家說：損人利己之事不要做，講一套，做一

套者大有人在。這班苦修仕的信德令人佩服。

下一站是耶穌會位於三藩市大學的聖依納爵教堂，內部裝潢

美倫美煥，比聖荷西主堂還要大。

朝聖又怎可以缺少聖瑪莉教堂？聖瑪莉教堂是三藩市教區

主堂，外型設計絕對反傳統，設計靈感來自主教頭上的帽子，極其

神似。教堂內亦十分現代化，好像一所酒店大堂。

除了參觀教堂以外，蕭神父還安排了觀光節目－－遊覽三藩

市出名的景點藝術宮、金門大橋及懸崖屋。當日天清氣朗，是外遊

的好日子，因著天主的眷顧，行程順利，出入平安，各人亨受到美

好的一天。

原來朝聖並非遊山玩水咁簡單，可以有啟發、有得著，絕對

是無價 (Priceless)。

30

wrong and we will feel sorry of what we did. We would like to ask for forgiveness and we could repair and restore our relationship with those that we have hurt. As described in the story of a man with two sons [Luke 15:11], the younger son eventually realized what he has done. He went back to his father and asked for forgiveness. It is fortunate that his father value him, has great love for him and forgave him.

We are fortunate as well. As we are told: “For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life” [John 3:16] We know that we will be saved when God sends his son, Jesus Christ our Lord. The purpose of Jesus life was to offer himself as a sacrifice for the sins of mankind. In the New Testament it is said “For he hath made him [to be] sin for us, who knew no sin; that we might be made the righteousness of God in him.” [2 Corinthians 5:21] Now it is the period of Easter when we celebrate the resurrection of Christ. We think about why Jesus got crucified and raised from dead in three days. In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead...[Peter 1:3] This is not only for the chosen one but for everybody. And Jesus Christ our Lord was shown to be the Son of God when God powerfully raised him from the dead by means of the Holy Spirit. [Romans 1:4-5] Through Christ, God has given us the privilege to tell Gentiles everywhere what God has done for them, so that they will believe and obey him, bringing glory to his name. In times before Our Lord Jesus Christ, people know that if they have sin, they need to be washed. And they could be cleansed by water. In the Old Testament, we are told that Naaman was suffering from leprosy, was purified upon his being baptized. "And [Naaman] dipped himself . . . seven times in the Jordan’ [2 Kings. 5:14]. Water has done part of the job but the cleaning is not completed yet. We need to be cleansed by water and the Holy Spirit. Jesus says, "Truly, truly, I say to you, unless one is born of water and the Spirit, he cannot enter the kingdom of God." [John 3:5] And Jesus taught us the importance of the baptism by the Spirit. Jesus once said, ‘Unless a man be born again,’ ‘he cannot enter the kingdom of God.’ He that is baptized with water, but is not found worthy of the Spirit, does not receive the grace in perfection. Nor, if a man be virtuous in his deeds, but does not receive the seal by means of the water, shall he enter the kingdom of heaven. St Augustine explained the work of the Spirit, he wrote: “By the water, therefore, which holds forth the sacrament of grace in its outward form, and by the Spirit who bestows the benefit of grace in its inward power, canceling the bond of

31

guilt, and restoring natural goodness, the man deriving his first birth originally from Adam alone, is regenerated in Christ alone. “ [Letters of St Augustine 98:2] Since man is of a twofold nature, composed of body and soul, the purification also is twofold: The water cleanses the body, and the Spirit seals the soul. When you go down into the water, then, regard not simply the water, but look for salvation through the power of the Spirit. For without both you cannot attain to perfection. “Water” is the preached word of God. When we are regenerated and born again of water and of God, the frailty of your former birth, which you have through men, is cut off, and so . . . you shall be able to attain salvation; but otherwise it is impossible. We get the word of God through Jesus. ‘He that believes and is baptized shall be saved, but he that believes not shall be damned’" [Mark 16:16] As Jesus said, "I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die. [John 11:25-26] Jesus also said, “And said, Verily I say unto you, Except ye be converted, and become as little children, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven.” [Mathew 18:3] To get reborn, we need to be cleansed by the word of God. Clean by water is the beginning of the life of a Christian and more important we need to lead our life as Jesus taught us. It is not easy to see and follow the words of our Lord Jesus Christ. As human beings, we make mistakes and commit sins. There are occasions that we forgot the words of Jesus. There are occasions that we are weak. And to achieve our ultimate goal, we need to pray: “Our Father, thank you for Lighting up the path to allow us to see the Way. With the guidance of the Holy Spirit, we would be able to listen and follow the words of our Lord and get reborn. Please grant us the faith we need. Amen. “

Michelle Wong My communication to God was when I fought with my friends about a topic. We got mad at each other. So, I told my problem to my parents and they told me to apologize. I did the right thing and my friend forgave me.

Our Corner

Communication

32

Samantha Ng When I get mad, I calm down. I talk to God and God will forgive me and forgive my sins. There is another thing when I get mad and I have to talk to my Mom, it’s hard.

Richard Lin What is communication? To me, communication is the true product of good talking. To communicate to God, you have to pray. You have to express your feelings to Him. Then, you can communicate with others. You can start by sharing your feelings. Remember, talk 75% of the time, and listen 25% time. You cannot just talk throughout the conversation. These are a few steps that can help you have better communication to God and others.

Emma Lii Communication is more than talking. It has things you can do: 1. If you feel angry, depressed, sad, hurt and you don’t want to say anything,

say it to God, through your mind and your soul. It’s called praying. 2. If you still feel stiff and want to say it, let it go, talk to your parents, your

friends or to someone you know.

Raphael Lam Communication is the interaction between two or more people. It involves both skills of verbal speech and listening. Personally, I think there is not much communication between my mom and I. Basically, I keep everything inside because I feel that she will not understand, yet I keep silent. Even today the communication is still the same as before, between my mom and I. I would really like for my mom and I to talk more. With communication, the relationship and bond becomes strengthened/stronger. As for communication with God, it can easily be accomplished through daily prayer. One could just take several minutes everyday devoted to prayer. Talking and listening to God everyday will bring you closer to God.

Timmy How I communicate is talk with my parents at home. I communicate with anyone. I will communicate with people and I will communicate always.

Martin I communicate by going online on the ever popular AIM. I think it helps me keep in touch with friends and family. I think communication with God is very important and is crucial to being a devout catholic. I communicate by praying before sleep. Communicating is one of the easiest ways to understand and care for someone.

Felix Communication is very important. We should communicate with our family and God. We talk to God by praying. Praying to God strengthens the bonds with God. However, we also need to listen. We can pray, but it is useless unless we listen. When we communicate with God, God also talks back. We should also dedicate time to listen to God. Listening to God can help us with

33

our lives. For example, God has calling for all of us. We could spend all our lives doing something that makes us happy. God knows what is best for us. God will tell us what is the best thing to do. Communicating with family is different from communicating with God. The best way to communicate with family is just by talking. Even talking about simple things is communicating. Talking means caring. A good time to communicate with family is during family time.

Louis Lin Communication is how you talk. I can communicate by talking to God. One way I can talk to God is by praying or going to church on Sunday. Praying to God strengthens my relationship with Him. I can also communicate with my family by talking to them everyday. By taking some time from playing video games, I can improve my relationship with my family and God.

Colman Lin You can communicate with others by talking to them or if they are far away, you can call them. When you communicate with God, you pray and talk to God. It makes me feel very peaceful so if I’m angry, I can just talk to God to calm myself down.

Janice Lin Communication is in many different forms but two of the most common types of communication is praying to God and talking to parents. If you pray to God you can tell him everything you want and need to. Talking to your parents lets you relieve yourself of all your thoughts. Communication is a really good thing to do.

Justin Ng The ways I communicate with my family are talk to them and tell them what makes me unhappy. When I do this I would feel a little better. The ways I communicate with God are going to my room to pray when I am upset. I would go to a quiet spot and I will calm down.

Jansen Lin When I communicate with Jesus, I go to church. I also pray to him. Everywhere I go, if I have any problems, I always talk to Jesus. How I communicate with my parents is talking. If one or more of my parents are away, I can talk with them on the phone. I also do gestures to communicate with them.

Toby Lin We communicate with God by praying. We pray to God at mass. We pray to God when we wake up, eat, and go to bed. Through prayer, we can talk to God better. We communicate with our parents by talking to them.. We can also talk to our parents by showing our feelings. Through these, we can communicate to our parents better and easier.

Our Gallery

34

Ten Commandments By Michelle, Samantha, Richard, Emma, Raphael, Timmy and Martin

Jesus Prays by Felix, Louis, Colman, Janice, Justin, Jansen & Toby

Exodus 20: 1-4

Luke 22: 39-46

35

親愛的主內的兄弟姊妹﹕

在過去兩年，聖荷西華人天主教會粵語組在矽谷的外展工

作， 尤其在接觸年青的粵語教友方面， 取得了跨越的成效。在耶穌

會士蕭見忠神父的領導及悉心管理之下， 我們為教友提供了更多服

務， 而參與禰撒的人數亦比以前倍增。蕭神父對粵語組的重要性實

在是無可質疑的。

粵語組其中一個首要目標， 是繼續擴展， 並且務求矽谷內的

粵語教友， 能夠有一個穩固、持久的天主教團體。我們重訂了團體

的成立宗旨， 重整了我們與國語組的合作夥伴關係， 彼此成為聖荷

西華人天主教會內對等的組織， 並重組了幹事會， 好能更佳地為教

友提供服務。

我們的信仰團體正不斷成長，因此也需要大家對團體更多

的支持， 以便推行各項有意義的工作。在 2007 年 10 月的會員大會中， 我們重點列出了團體短期及長期的工作目標。目前我們籌劃了

一個五年的財政預算。在未來五年內， 每年需要$120,000 的開支。其中包括了$40,000 的營運資金， 這是結合了過往的財政預算及未來工作目標而定的﹔另外也包括$80,000 根據聖荷西教區薪俸及福利政策所規定的司鐸薪金(含房屋､健保及退休福利)。為達到這些

目標， 團體極需要你的參與和經濟上的支持。我們呼籲大家全力支

持這個為期五年的經費籌募運動， 共同達到團體的工作目標。

粵語組在過去數年一直是財政自主的。我們並沒有從聖荷

西教區、St. Clare 教堂或國語組獲得任何資助。我們的開支完全由粵語組成員自力承擔。

全賴教友的慷慨，粵語組得以提供各種牧民及其他服務予

團體內的弟兄姊妹。在你的支持下， 我們可以做得更多， 兼且迎合

團體日增的需求。

36

我們誠意感謝你的大力支持。衷心期望你能參與我們的籌募運動，

重新肯定你每日每天傳揚天主愛的喜訊的這份承諾。

謝謝!

聖荷西華人天主教會粵語組

主席: Andrew Lin (連聯多) 副主席: Raymond Cheung (張少英)

附錄

1. 禮儀 $ 3,500.00 (禮儀及輔祭培育，彌撒獻儀，歌詠團) 2. 靈修 $ 14,000.00 (講座及退省，成人入門禮典及靈修培育， 暑期渡宿退省，本地朝聖團)

3. 服務 $ 12,000.00 (彌撒後茶點，福泉及每週通訊，關顧服 務，社區服務。

4. 康樂/ 文娛活動 $ 3,000.00 (體育及節日慶祝活動) 5. 善會 $ 6,900.00 (聖若瑟會活動及少年組夏季/冬季生活營) 6. 雜項開支 $ 600.00 7. 司鐸薪金 $ 80,000.00 (司鐸薪俸及福利乃根據聖荷西教區法令之 規定)

總數 $120,000.00

未來五年年度財政預算項目分類(2008-2012)

SJCCC Cantonese Group PLEDGE CARD Name: _____________________________ Address: _____________________________ _____________________________ Phone: _____________________________ Email: _____________________________ Total Pledge: $___________ Down Payment: $___________ Balance: $___________ Please send reminders: Monthly / Quarterly / Semi-Annually / Annually I wish to pay my pledge by: Check / Cash Beginning ___/___/___ for ___ months/years. I expect my periodic payment to be $_____________. Please make checks payable to: SJCCC Cantonese Group. Please mail checks to: SJCCC Cantonese Group P.O. Box 88, Santa Clara, CA 95052. _____________________________________________________________ Signature Date

37

San

Jose

Chi

nese

Cat

holic

Com

mun

ity

900

Lafa

yette

Stre

et S

uite

301

Sant

a C

lara

, CA

950

50

http

://w

ww

.sjcc

c.or

g em

ail:

sjcc

cusa

@ao

l.com

te

l: (4

08) 9

83-0

211

fax:

(408

) 983

-021

2

下期

主題

: 家庭

生活

N

ext T

opic

: Fam

ily L

ife