Bahri Art Essay

7/30/2019 Bahri Art Essay

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The the mass media, including television, radio, newspapers and the internet, have great

influence in shaping peoples ideas.

To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Give reasons for your answer.

It is widely believed that there are lot of people read or watch the mass media every day.

Although they read or watch the mass media regularly, I strongly believe that the mass media

does not have a big role in shaping people opinions for three main reasons.

The most important reason why peoples opinions are high independent from the mass media

is level of education. Although reading is a basic skill, only people whose high level of

education read the mass media regularly. For example, families may read some types of the

mass media every day, but only educated adult usually read them regularly. In addition,

educated ones usually use their robust knowledge to support their opinions. Therefore, the

mass media influence may be minimized by peoples level of education.

Another reason is societys culture. People usually read or watch the mass media for

relaxation. In short, people may consume the mass media to relax their mind and may not

take the mass media as main source of their opinion. A lot of people, for example, usually

watch or read the mass media in their leisure time. Consequently, people may not use the

mass media as a foundation of their ideas.

The last reason is peoples experience. Since people read the mass media regularly, they will

realize that contents of the mass media may provide facts with lack of evidence. For instance,

the mass media usually mixes some facts with false issues in order to attract more readers.

Thus, people may not take the mass media as their sources to develop their own opinion since

they realize that the mass media may contain unproven issues.

In brief, there are three main reasons why the mass media will not influence peoples opinion,

namely, people already have strong academic background, reading the mass media is one of

peoples leisure activities and the mass media may contain lies.

BAHRI

299 words


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Coherence

Some examples

Read through these three paragraphs taken from different IELTS essays and note how they all have a

similar structure:

Point

Explanation

Example

This is a pattern you can follow in most essays to give coherence to your writing by expanding on onepoint. I will add that this just a model guideline, it isnt a rule. There will be times when you do not useexamples for instance.There are those who argue that the internet has had an extremely positive influence oncommunication.They say this because in the past it was sometimes impossible to call people in othercountries on the telephone, but now it is relatively simple to use a program such as Skype to talk to

them for free or to send an email. A good example here are the students who go to study abroad andare able to send messages home with no difficulty, when in past they would have had to buy stampsand go to the post office which was much harder and more expensive.

A strong argument can of course be made from the opposite position.Part of this argument is

that countries and nations need to preserve old buildings in order to preserve their heritage. In

addition, however, to this cultural argument, there are positive economic benefits in

preserving old buildings.An illustration here is Egypt once again, a country which depends

on tourism for much of its national income simply because visitors pay to come from other

countries to visit its ancient sites. There are several reasons why it can be argued that

television has a negative effect on cultural development.Perhaps the principle argument is

the lowbrow nature of many programmes, particularly sitcoms and soap operas. People whowatch these programmes do not learn anything, they are simply entertained. The othermajor argument is that because people watch so much television, they no longer

take part in more traditional forms of cultural entertainment.An example here ishow traditional dancing and music is becoming much less popular becausepeople are staying at home to watch the television.

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A sample essay coherence between paragraphs

Read through this sample essay and note how each paragraph is explicitly connected to

previous paragraphs so that the reader can easily identify the progression of the argument.

Subjects such as Art, Sport and Music are being dropped from the schoolcurriculum for subjects such as Information Technology. Many peoplechildren suffer as a result of these changes. To what extent would you supportor reject the idea of moving these subjects from school curriculum?

In recent times there has much debate about which subjects should be included onthe school curriculum. One particular issue is whether the introduction of moremodern subjects such as IT for more traditional subjects such as art and musicdisadvantages the pupils. This essay examines both sides of this issue.

There is one major argument in favour of replacing art, music and sport on thecurriculum with subjects like IT. This is that the purpose of school is to preparechildren for their working life after school, so the subjects on the curriculum shouldbe relevant to theirpotential careers. From this point of view, IT is much relevant toschoolchildren as they need to be computer literate if they want to survive in theworkplace. For example, it is easy to see that word processing and programmingskills will impress employers more than the ability to run fast or draw well.

There are also, however, strong arguments forretaining the more traditional subjectsas part of the curriculum. One significant counter-argument is that the purpose ofeducation is not just to prepare children forlater careers, but also to develop their all

round culture. It is important that children leave school with some knowledge of art,music and sport as all these are all help develop aspects of young peoplespersonalities.

My own personal point of view is that there is merit in both sides of the debate andthat all children should study some IT, art music and sport at least at primary school.At secondary school, however, children should be offered a choice between thesesubjects so that they can continue to study them if they wish. In this way, no childwill be disadvantaged.

Explanation

Each paragraph contains red language right at its start to show the reader what is going to

happen in that paragraph. Anyone reading the essay no matter how quickly is going to see

that it is structured.

The two content paragraphs contain similar blue language to emphasise the balance of the

argument. Paragraph 3 relates to and answers paragraph 2.

Read more: IELTS essays essay coherence 1 | Dominic Cole's IELTS and Beyond

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Cohesion

Test yourself first

To see how well you understand cohesion, try this. There are two texts below. Which one do

you prefer? Be careful, the better (and more cohesive text) may not necessarily be the textwith the most obvious linking words.

Close Me

Text A

Attracting customers to buy your products and services needs a great deal of research and

planning to ensure the money you invest in gaining customers pays off. This is normallyachieved through market research and involves finding more about the people you hope to

sell to. Armed with this information you can then formulate an effective plan of action based

on your evidence. Once you are aware of the needs of your potential customers you need to

examine your product in detail, fix a suitable price which will help your product sell, ensure

you choose the correct method of distribution and select an appropriate promotion to attract

your audience. This is known as the marketing mix and can help your business to spend

money wisely with the best results

Text B

Attracting customers to buy your products and services needs a great deal of research andplanning to ensure the money you invest in gaining customers pays off. Firstly, there is

market research and involves finding more about the people you hope to sell to. Secondly,

formulate an effective plan of action based on your evidence. Furthermore, it is important to

examine your product in detail. Moreover, you should fix a suitable price which will help

your product sell, ensure you choose the correct method of distribution and select an

appropriate promotion to attract your audience. So this is known as the marketing mix and in

summary it can help your business to spend money wisely with the best results.

Close Me

The first text is the original text and is highly cohesive even though it does not contain

many obvious linking words.

Some of the cohesion language is highlighted in green and blue. Note, in particular the

use of this at the beginning of sentences to link to the sentence before. Cohesion can bereally simple.
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Attracting customers to buy yourproducts and services needs a great deal ofresearch and

planning to ensure the money you invest in gaining customers pays off. This is normally

achieved through market research and involves finding more about the people you hope to

sell to. Armed with this information you can then formulate an effective plan of action based

on your evidence. Once you are aware of the needs of your potential customers you need to

examine yourproduct in detail, fix a suitable price which will help yourproduct sell, ensureyou choose the correct method of distribution and select an appropriate promotion to attract

your audience. This is known as the marketing mix and can help your business to spend

money wisely with the best results

This text may at first sight look more cohesive, but in fact most of the cohesion words

are wrongly used. Be careful of overusing that sort of language.

Attracting customers to buy your products and services needs a great deal of research and

planning to ensure the money you invest in gaining customers pays off. Firstly, there is

market research and involves finding more about the people you hope to sell to. Secondly,

formulate an effective plan of action based on your evidence. Furthermore, it is important toexamine your product in detail. Moreover, you should fix a suitable price which will help

your product sell, ensure you choose the correct method of distribution and select an

appropriate promotion to attract your audience. So this is known as the marketing mix and in

summary it can help your business to spend money wisely with the best results.

Incorrect linking

Is Firstly really the first point made? To use it correctly, you need toidentify that there is a list of points to come: There are a variety of issueshere; firstly,..

The same comment applies to the use of secondly

So is used when a conclusion can be made. This is the final point, but itis not a conclusion.

In summary can only be used when a summary is made.

Did you get it right? Very few of my own students do. The reason for this is that they believe

the only way to be cohesive is to use words such as furthermore: it is not. Indeed, if you

use linking words wrongly, then your writing may become less cohesive thats worse!!

Read more: An introduction to cohesion | Dominic Cole's IELTS and Beyond

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An example of how to do it

There are lots of ways of making your writing cohesive. Look at this example the coloursshow the connections between the different sentences. As you read through this, you should
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concentrate on how that cohesion is about how you use vocab and pronouns and how you

start sentences: it is not just about linking words.

There are many people who claim that global warming is the most significant threat facing us

today. Theyarguethis because it is a dangernot just to the current generation,but also to the

generations to come. Indeed, it is this threat to our future that is of most concern. Forinstance, some research shows that one effect ofglobal warming might be there will not be

enough food to feed the world in the near future. Ifthat did happen

many people they (pronoun)

that global warming is this (pronoun)

claim argue (synonym)

not just but also (a matching pair)

current generationgenerations to come

(repetition)

a dangerthis threat (pronoun +

synonym)

Indeed (linking phrase for further explanation)

generations to come future

global warmingglobal warming (repetition

of technical phrase)

there will be not enough food that (pronoun)

A common mistake

One very common mistake is to overuse certain linking phrases such as furthermore and

moreover. This can be a problem because they are frequently misused: and to link badly is

no better than not linking at all. A secondary problem is that by only using such phrases,

candidates forget to use pronouns (especially this) for linking. That was the point in the test

at the beginning of this lesson.

Read more: An introduction to cohesion | Dominic Cole's IELTS and Beyond

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Using examples to improve your paragraph

coherence

A common problem with IELTS writing is that either examples are not used, or they are usedpoorly. In this lesson you will find

a quick test to see how well you understand coherence and the use ofexamples

4 suggestions on how to use examples well a list of vocabulary to help you do this

A reminder about coherence and examples

The essential idea of coherence is that the ideas in your writing combine together to form

one whole. The goal is to write in such a way that the reader/examiner immediately sees theconnections in your writing and understands what you are trying to say. Arguably, a well-

written and coherent piece of writing only needs to be read once to be understood. This is

where examples come in. Examples can make your writing

easier to read by illustrating your main points easier to write, as often it is easier to explain an example than argue a

complex idea

Not all examples work a little test

It is not just enough, however, to use examples. Your examples need to illustrate your

main ideas if you want to be coherent. A badly used example can make your writing

confused and confusing. Take a look at the two paragraphs below. One example works, the

other doesnt. Which is which?

Close Me

There are three principal reasons why people commit crimes. The first of these is that they

may be career criminals who have made an active choice to make their living illegally. A

second reason reason relates to the environment they grew up in: a possible illustration of this

is if they have been subject to peer group pressure at an early age to join a gang thatterrorised the neighbourhood. Finally, it is sometimes argued that genetic factors play a role

and that some people cannot be blamed for their criminal actions because they are naturally

predisposed to commit crimes.

It is possible to argue that more effective education would lead to a decrease in the crime rate

and that prison is an ineffective deterrent. People who argue in favour of prison often claim

that it is not only the most appropriate way to punish offenders, it also prevents crimes from

being committed. For example, many young people join gangs at an early age due to peer

group pressure and they are led into a life of crime in later life because of the choices they

made when they were younger.
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Close Me

This first paragraph works well. It is a listing paragraph with a clear main point in the first

sentence saying there are 3 reasons. The next 3 sentences each state one reason (this is one

form of coherence).

I have highlighted in red an example that clearly relates to and explains the idea in the second

sentence about how environment can affect crime

There are three principal reasons why people commit crimes. The first of these is that they

may be career criminals who have made an active choice to make their living illegally. A

second reason reason relates to the environment they grew up in: a possible illustration of this

is if they have been subject to peer group pressure at an early age to join a gang that

terrorised the neighbourhood. Finally, it is sometimes argued that genetic factors play a roleand that some people cannot be blamed for their criminal actions because they are naturally

predisposed to commit crimes.

This paragraph does not really work. It has plenty of good language but the ideas and how

they relate to each other are not especially clear. The first sentence has two main ideas

(always dangerous), one about education, the other about prison being a deterrent.The idea of

education is not explained in the paragraph this is incoherent. The other main problem is

that the example in red does not clearly relate to the main ideas of the paragraph. This also is

incoherent

It is not enough to use examples, you need to show how they relate to your main idea.

It is possible to argue that more effective education would lead to a decrease in the crime rate

and that prison is an ineffective deterrent. People who argue in favour of prison often claim

that it is not only the most appropriate way to punish offenders, it also prevents crimes from

being committed. For example, many young people join gangs at an early age due to peer

group pressure and they are led into a life of crime in later life because of the choices they

made when they were younger.

Tip one organise your paragraphs around one main idea

You can only really write coherent examples if your paragraphs area coherent. What this

means in practice is that your paragraphs need to be centred on one main idea almost

always stated in the first sentence. The example you choose should relate to that idea.

(It is of course possible to include more than one idea in a paragraph. What you need to do

here is follow my example above and say in the first sentence that there are different ideas

here.)

Tip two you dont have to include all your ideas/examples learn to select
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One reason why paragraphs (and essays) go wrong is that the student tries to include

everything s/he knows in an effort to impress the examiner. This does not work in IELTS. It

is a language test, not an IQ test, and there is a limit to how many ideas you can fit into a 250-

300 word essay. This means that you need to select only the examples that illustrate your

main points. Put another way, you may need to leave out ideas that do not fit your main

point. This is particularly good advice for high level candidates in the planning stage.

Tip three for example is not the best way to introduce an example

Almost certainly, the most common way of introducing examples is to use for example. My

suggestion is that you try some other ways of introducing examples. The key idea is to use a

phrase that clearly links the example to the main idea. Look at these:

A example of how environmental factors can lead to crime is..

This can be illustrated by

clearly illustrates how environmental factors may contribute to crime.

One instance that shows how environmental factors may lead to crime is ..

The point to note is that in each case the example is introduced so that it links to the point it is

supposed to be illustrating.

Tip four just say how the example illustrates the main point - P-E-E-P

This tip is similar to the previous one. Only the idea this time is that you add a sentence afterthe example to explain how it links to the main idea. This leads to a model paragraph that

goes:

Point - Explanation - Example - Point

Look at how it can work here. The first sentence and the last sentence of para make

essentially the same point and the final sentence links back into the example (This leads to

the conclusion).

There are many people who believe that longer prison sentences are necessary for repeat

offenders. The idea is that people are much less likely to re-offend if they know that they willreceive a serious sentence of perhaps 20 years for any further crimes. This would reform the

system where many criminals do re-offend simply because they know that the consequences

will not be very severe if they are caught. For example, a petty thief who might take the risk

of a gaol term of 6 months would not risk 20 years for the same crime. This leads to the

conclusion that longer gaol terms for repeat offenders are an effective deterrent.

Read more: Using examples to improve your paragraph coherence | Dominic

Cole's IELTS and Beyondhttp://www.dcielts.com/ielts-writing/examples-

paragraph-coherence/#ixzz25aTrVZZL

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There are a number of different ways of ensuring that your writing links together, something

that teachers call cohesion.

There are a number of different ways of ensuring that your writing links together - something

that teachers call cohesion. One ofthese is, of course, to use the normal linking words such

as furthermore and moreover.

It would be a mistake, however, to think that ______ is the only method of achieving

cohesion because there are in fact other options _______work just as well and, sometimes,

much better.

(this/which)

Indeed, the ability to employ a range of cohesive devices and not just the normal linking

words is one of the keys to good writing. It can also be argued that learners __________only

concentrate on using________words write less cohesively as a result.

(who/those)

This is particularly the case when learners use a linking phrase such as as a matter of fact'

wrongly because ______fail to realise that it has quite an exact meaning and can only be

used in some cases.

(they)

My personal recommendation is that learners who wish to improve the cohesion of

_________writing should concentrate not on the traditional linking words, rather that they

should think about how using pronouns well can link their writing together much more

effectively.

(their)


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Band score 8.0 range of vocabulary

This is the next in my series of lessons in how to achieve a high band score in IELTS essays.

This time the focus is on vocabulary. There is no magic bullet here vocabulary learning

takes time. Thats the bad news. What I do do though is to talk you through some of the more

common problems with vocabulary in essays and give you some tips on avoiding them.

Youll also find a bonus essay to download.

A sample essay weak vocabulary

Read through this sample essay. It is well structured and addresses the question, but it is weak

on vocab. Can you see what the problems are?

We live in a world where health and safety is more and more important One of the signs of

this is the demand that dangerous sports should be banned. While I understand that argument,

my view is that people should be free to do whatever sports they want.

The biggest reason for objecting to extreme sports is that they can be very dangerous and can

sometimes kill people. More than that, it is not just the sportspeople who are in danger, but

spectators too can be badly injured. If, for example, a Formula 1 car crashes, the driver may

be hurt and it is possible that people in the crowd will be too. Because of this danger, it is

understandable why people want the government to ban these sports.

The opposite argument is that people should be free to do whatever risk they want. So, if

someone wants to jump out of a plane, then they should be allowed to and the government

cannot say what they should do. A further point is that many dangerous sports are not very

risky and it is as dangerous doing everyday activities such as crossing the road or cooking a

meal as bungee jumping.

My personal view is that the government should regulate dangerous sports, but it should not

ban them. It should also make certain that there is as little danger as possible because safety is

the most important thing. This is most important for young children.

Seeing the problems repetition

One of the most common problems is you can get stuck on certain words. This frequently

happens with words in the question itself. To some extent this is unavoidable and you will see

my improved version retains quite a lot of repetition there is simply less of it.


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Close Me

We live in a world where health and safety is more and more important. One of the signs of

thispeople want the government toban dangerous sports. While I understand that argument,

my view is thatpeople should be free to do whatever sports they want.

We live in a world where health and safety is an ever greater priority. One of the signs of this

is the demand that dangerous sports should be banned. While I understand that argument, my

view is that, within certain limits, people should retain the freedom to participate in whatever

sports they choose.

The biggest reason for objecting to dangerous sports is that they can be very dangerous and

can sometimes killpeople. More than that, it is not just the sportspeople who are in danger,

but spectators too can be badly hurt. If, for example, a Formula 1 car crashes, the driver may

be hurt and it is possible thatpeople in the crowd will be too. Because of this danger, it is

understandable whypeople want the government toban these sports.

The principal reason for objecting to extreme sports is of course that they can be highly

dangerous and sometimes life-threatening. More than that, it is not just the participants who

are at risk, but spectators too can be seriously injured. If, for example, a Formula 1 car

crashes, the driver may not escape unharmed and there is also a chance that a bouncing

tyre or debris will fly into the crowd. Given this level of danger, it is understandable why

people call forthe authorities to take action.

The opposite argument is thatpeople should be free to do whatever risk they want. So, if

someone wants to jump out of a plane, then they should be allowed to and the government

cannot say what they should do. A further point is that many dangerous sports are not veryrisky and it is as dangerous doing everyday activities such as crossing the road or cooking a

meal as bungee jumping.

The counter argument is that people should be allowed to assume whatever risk they choose.

So, if someone wishes to freefall from a plane at 30,000 feet, then they should be free to do

so and it should be accepted that it is not the place of the government to dictate how they lead

their lives. A further point is that in statistical terms there is a low probability of injury in

many so-called dangerous sports and people are at greater riskcarrying out everyday

activities such as crossing the road or cooking a meal as bungee jumping.

My personal view is that the government should regulate dangerous sports, but it should notban them. It should also make certain that there is as little dangeras possible because safety is

the most important thing. This is most important for young children who cannot make their

own decisions.

My personal view is that while the government and other authorities do need to regulate

dangerous sports, it would be preferable not to impose a ban on them entirely. I would

suggest that safeguards need to be established so that any riskis minimised. What these

safeguards are will vary from sport to sport, but safety has to be paramount, especially where

minors are involved.
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Tip think of vocabulary before you start writing

The idea is quite simple. If you think of the words you want to use before you write, then you

can use them. On the other hand, if you start writing too quickly, then it becomes much

harder to try and vary your vocab.

Tip repetition should be on everyones editing

checklist

One of my top tips is that everyone should have a mental checklist of the type of errors they

look for when they check their work Im going to look for any mistake doesnt really

work. The point here is that even the best writers can subconsciously get stuck on words and

keep on repeating them if they are not careful.

Tip if you cant find another word, repeat it in a

different form

Sometimes there is only one correct word. In this case, the best advice is not to find another

word that may well be wrong, but to change the word slightly. This can mean using the noun

form and not the verb form (ban becomes impose a ban on) or to qualify it with another word

so ban becomes ban entirely.

Seeing the problems avoid language that is too simple

In general, I am a fan of the simple. There are times, however, when you want to upgrade

your English, in particular

avoiding words like big that are not normally used in more formalwritten English

avoiding words like do unless they are part of a set phrase there isalmost always a better variation

finding variations for words such as very to show your range thinking about collocations (phrases)

See the simple language improved

Tip when you learn vocabulary, learn phrases and not

just words

Part of solution to this problem is to learn phrases. For example, you are much more likely to

be able to use participate, if you have first learnt the phrase participate in a sport.

Finding solutions think examples for precise language

This is one of my favourite suggestions. The idea is that if you learn to use examples well, you get to use

language that is precise and sometimes relatively simple. Take a look at this revised versions of

the examples. the revisions may seem quite small, but I get to use precise language a good thing.
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The counter argument is that people should be allowed to assume whatever risk they choose.

So, if someone wishes to freefall from a plane at 30,000 feet, then they should be free to do

so and it should be accepted that it is not the place of the government to dictate how they lead

their lives. A further point is that in statistical terms there is a low probability of injury in

many so-called dangerous sports and people are at greater risk carrying out everyday

activities such as crossing the road or cooking a meal as bungee jumping.

The principal reason for objecting to extreme sports is of course that they can be highly

dangerous and sometimes life-threatening. More than that, it is not just the participants who

are at risk, but spectators too can be seriously injured. If, for example, a Formula 1 car

crashes, the driver may not escape unharmed and there is also a chance that a bouncing tyre

ordebris will fly into the crowd. Given this level of danger, it is understandable why people

call for the authorities to take action.

Finding solutions be academic and use qualifying language

Part of the academic writing skill is learning to qualify what you say so that it is not too

general. Take a look at these two examples of qualifying phrases I add in to the improved

version. Again, the changes may seem small but taken together they can have a significant

effect on your writing.

We live in a world where health and safety is an ever greater priority. One of the

signs of this is the demand that dangerous sports should be banned. While I

understand that argument, my view is that, within certain limits, people should

retain the freedom to participate in whatever sports they choose.

The counter argument is that people should be allowed to assume whateverrisk they choose. So, if someone wishes to freefall from a plane at 30,000 feet,

then they should be free to do so and it should be accepted that it is not the

place of the government to dictate how they lead their lives. A further point is

that in statistical terms there is a low probability of injury in many so-called

dangerous sports and people are at greater risk carrying out everyday activities

such as crossing the road or cooking a meal as bungee jumping.

Finding solutions focus your vocabulary learning on academic vocabulary

This is in many ways the big one. Learning vocabulary takes time. One excellent

way to do it is simply to read and listen as much as possible. You will absorb

more new words that way than by sitting down and studying any word list.

However, there is a however. To get a high band score, you want to learn the

right words to use in essays. This is where the academic word list comes to

your help.

Academic vocabulary and IELTS

Certain words in English are simply more academic than others. This does not necessarily

mean they are difficult words, it just means native speakers tend to use them more when

they are writing more formally. They are in other words exactly the sort of words you want in

IELTS. Take these examples from the improved essay:
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retain principal assume participate in

These are all excellent words to learn as they can be used in all sorts ofdifferent contexts. All I would add is that you also need to learn how to use them

and that is where my daily word exercises come in


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Band score 8.0 range of grammar

This lesson looks at the idea of range of grammar. If you are aiming for a high band score, it

is not simply enough not to make mistakes, you also need to show that you can use a number

of different grammatical constructions. First of all, I talk you through some principles and

then I give you some practical suggestions on what sort of grammar can help and, just as

importantly, how to use it.

Test yourself first

Before you read on. You might want to ask yourself these questions:

1. Am I going to impress more with longer sentences?2. Do I have a strategy for when I use simpler grammar and more complex

grammar?3. When and why do I use complex grammar like relative and conditional

clauses?

An essay should combine simple with complex grammar

This is the starting point. A well-written essay should be relatively easy to read. This means

that you need to combine the simple with the complex. Where you have straightforward to

say, you should not try and show off your grammar by making it seem complex indeed,

thats a very common mistake.

Typically, you should aim for:

simple structures when you are making main points often in the openingand/or closing sentences of your paragraphs

more complex structures when you are explaining/developing those mainpoints in the body of your paragraphs

a movement from the more simple to the more complex

When you have something simple to say, say it simply. Only use complex structures for more

complex thoughts.


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Close Me

None of the sentences in this paragraph are particularly long for short.

Another way in which free public transport could improve our quality of life relates to

congestion. Currently, the trend is for increasing numbers of people to choose to drive to

work. This means that in many cases the rush hour is several hours long and it is sometimes

almost impossible to travel across a city.It is probable that this level of congestion would be

reduced by making public transport free.

The first sentence is shorter because it is the opening sentence of the para and it also includes

the complex in which construction.

The second sentence is shortish again because it is merely stating a fact no need to make it

more complex

The third sentence is a longer sentence, but it is simply linked using and

The final sentence is again relatively short/simple sentence but it does contain a conditional

would and a by structure.

Examples of grammar that can work

This is not intended to be a list of advanced grammar points that will guarantee you a band

score 8.0. Rather, the idea here is to show you grammar connects to meaning. You shouldnever just use a structure because it is good grammar. Instead, you need to ask yourself

what is the best way I can express this point.

The best writers use these structures when they need to, not because they think they

have to

1. the passive

I start with the passive because it is so often misused. It is not the case that the passive is an

academic structure that should be used in essays. We use it all the time in all sorts ofcontexts. Here, though, is one way you might find it helpful in writing: to avoid repeating

words especially nouns/pronouns. You may want to avoid using some words too much

especially words from the question. Here the passive can help you. In a question about

government action, rather than writing:

The government should introduce measures to

you can try

Measures should be introduced

so that you dont repeat the word government.
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2. Relatives

This is another piece of grammar you need to feel comfortable with and can help you. You

should be careful, however, not to overuse relatives as they can make your writing both

confusing and confused. One tip I would give you here is to try and restrict yourself to one

relative per sentence and to try and avoid them in already complex sentences. Look at this

example:

There is a real danger that allowing people to travel for free would deprive transport

authorities funds which they need and lead to a lower standard of service.

The relative can be avoided by changing it into an adjective phrase:

There is a real danger that allowing people to travel for free would deprive transport

authorities of much needed funds and lead to a lower standard of service.

When you do use relatives though is to define terms and add detail. Here is an example in

action:

More than that, if the authorities plan carefully, they can use the occasion of the sporting

event to help finance public works which benefit the whole population in the long term.

I want to say what sort of public works I am referring to so I define them in the

relative which benefit the whole population in the long term.

3. Conditionals

Here is another piece of grammar that can help you out. Provided that is, you see how and

when to use it. One of the best ways to use these conditionals to explain and give

examples. This means they are likely to come in the body of your paragraphs and not the

introduction/opening sentence. Try this example:

There is also, however, a strong argument not to implement this proposal. This argument is

based on economic competitiveness. If a company was forced to employ more workers to

produce the same amount of goods, then its wage bill would rise and its products might

become more expensive and less competitive compared to companies with longer working

weeks. In this case, it is possible that the company eithermight become insolvent or it wouldhave to make some employees redundant. As a result, the intended benefit to the personnel

would not happen.

This time around I have given you the whole para so that you can see the context. I use a

conditional because I am explaining a point. You should also see that we use might and

would in the following sentences even though there is no if.

Do you want to show off? Then you might consider using conditionals that do not use if. So

you could use:

Were a company to be forced


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4. Parallel structures

There are a number of different parallel structures we have in English. They come in useful

when we are combining, comparing or contrasting points again something that you are

likely to do in your essays. This is a useful piece of grammar to focus on, as when used well

they make your writing more cohesive. For example

Not only would unemployment be reduced, but the working conditions of employees on very

long shifts would also be significantly improved.

You may think not only..but also is too easy to impress. Dont. Simple things done well

impress too and this sentence is complex enough as it is.

5. Verb tenses (of course), impersonal structures and

modals

The point to remember here is that it is not difficulty of grammar that is important, rather it is

variety of grammar. This means that some bits of grammar that you think are rather simple

(e.g. tenses) are still important. The point I want to make here is that the one tense you are

going use most is the present simple. Checking my essays, I find that easily the most

common tense I use is the present simple. Thats how it should be it is easily the most

common tense in English.

You do want some variety though, and here is how I get it. I use a lot of impersonal

structures

There are several reasons why

and I also use a large number of modal verbs:

It can also be argued that

The point here is that I use them to make impersonal points or sound academic. They too

have their meanings and uses.

6. And and but

Never be afraid of keeping it simple. I do. My essays work. You will also find that I almost

never use moreover and furthermore. More to the point, neither do band 8.0 candidates

typically. When all you want to do is add a point say and and if you want to make a

contrast, you are most likely to use but or however,.

Test your own writing

The best advice is of course always to find yourself a teacher, but if you are working by

yourself, here is something you can do. Find an essay you have written and go through it:


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1. Do you use different grammatical structures? (You should have at leastsome of the ones I have mentioned)

2. Can you see why you have used any of the more complex structures?3. How long is your average sentence? (around 15 words is about right I

would suggest)

4. Do your paragraphs combine longer and shorter sentences and simplerand more complex sentences?5. Do you use and and but?

How detail can improve your part 2 speaking a

wedding

This lesson is about using detail to make sure you say enough in part 2 speaking. In additionto sample MP3s on a part 2 cue card, you will find advice on how to extend your answer and

use better and more precise vocabulary by thinking about detail and how to tell a story. It

should be particularly useful for candidates with a reasonable range of English who

sometimes find that they run out of things to say from the cue card.

Three key points

1. You can say more than the cue card asks

The first to realise is that you do not have to restrict yourself to speaking only about what the

cue card asks. For example, if it asks to talk about when something happened, you can talk

about that time generally and not just give the date.

2. The more detail you add, the better language you use

If you add detail, both your grammar and vocabulary will improve. This is because detail

allows you to use much more specific vocabulary and use more complex grammatical

structures. To understand how this works look at the following examples.


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3. Make it personal use your memories -see the

examiner as your friend in a bar

The part 2 talk is not a presentation. You are talking to someone about your personal

memories and ideas. You need to see the examiner as a friend you are talking to but haventseen for some time. You are at a coffee shop (or bar or pub depending on your culture) and

you are just talking to them about what you think/remember. The more personal you make it,

the more likely you are to find things to say everyone has memories.

Sample cue card

A wedding

Describe a wedding you attended

You should say

when it was

who got married

what happened at the wedding

And explain whether it was a typical wedding ceremony

Adding detail to when questions

The key here is not just to answer in one phrase, you are using almost no language here.

It was 5 years ago

The first step is simply to add details of season/time of week/time of day, at least this way

you get to use more language.

It was around 5 years ago in the middle of the winter

The next step is to add detail about that season/time of week/time of day. As you do this,

think about how you felt, what did it look like, what else was happening at the same time.

Dont just think about time.

It was around 5 years ago in February. I think it was towards the end of the month. The

weather was certainly extremely cold and everyone was wearing their warmest clothing.


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Listen to my sample and read the notes

Close Me

I dont remember the exact date of the wedding but it did take place sometime in winter that

much I do remember because it had been a particularly hard winterthat year and when the

bride came out of the church there was snow all over the ground and that made it a white

wedding in more ways than one.

Dont be over precise

I dont remember the exact date and sometime in winter: the trick here is not to be too

precise. If you start by saying it was February 15, there is less to say. This way you allow

yourself to carry on speaking about the winter in general.

Think about weather

a particularly hard winter: this is excellent precise language

Think visually see the background

snow all over the ground: more precise language. If you try and see a picture, you are more

likely to find details to add

Adding detail to who questions

Again, the too simple answer is one phrase you are using very little and very uninteresting

language this way:

My best friend from university.

One detail to add is your relationship to this person. How did you meet them? How long have

you known them?

My best friend from university. I first met her because we were studying the same course

and went to the same lectures.

More detail is possible if you think about what you have done together or why you like them

as a person.
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My best friend from university. We first met at university because we were studying the

same course and then we found that we had a lot in common as we both were fascinated by

art.

Listen to my sample and read the notes

Read the notes

Adding detail to what happened questions

This time the mistake is just to say what happened: on thing after another using the simple

past.

We got to the church at 10 oclock. Then we had to wait a little time for bride to arrive.

Things to think about here are:

1. what happened before and after2. seeing what other people were doing

If you do this, you should use more variety of tenses and better grammar:

We had to wait at the church for about 2o minutes before the bride arrived.

While we were waiting, I was thinking about the speech I would have to give at

the reception party.

A particularly useful trick is to try and add detail by adding things people said.

Again, this will allow you to use more interesting grammar by using indirect

speech:

We had to wait a t the church for about 20 minutes before the bride arrived.

While we were waiting, I was thinking about the speech I would have to give at

the reception party. I

Close Me

What happened at the wedding itself? It was quite a regular ceremony I suppose. The one

detail I remember is the best man, who was also a friend of mine, turned to the bridegroom

just before the service and said that he had forgotten the ring and asked if that was okay. The

bridegroom was absolutely horrified, but his friend, the best man, was just joking.
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Talk about what you remember

The one detail I remember is: This is an excellent phrase to learn. The idea is to talk about

your personal memories and simply by using this phrase you allow yourself to speak about

details.

Remember what people said use indirect speech

said that he had forgotten the ring and asked if that was okay. This is a classic story-telling

trick as nearly all the best stories contain some dialogue. In IELTS this works because it

allows you to use more complex grammar and change your tenses

Think about how people felt

The bridegroom was absolutely horrified. One more detail you can add is about how other

people felt. This is one more opportunity to use some specific vocabulary.

Practice suggestion learn the skill

Dont practise speaking for 2 minutes about the whole cue card. Rather what you should do is

what I have done here: speak for 20 seconds or so about each of the first 3 points on the cue

card one by one.

Read more: IELTS part 2 speaking: using detail to tell a story

http://www.dcielts.com/blog/wedding/#ixzz25aYnL1FW

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